I Did Her Proud

It was just a quick kiss but one could easily describe it as thorough. Because she pushed her tongue in, dancing it across mine and holding me to her intensely for a brief moment, just long enough that she could press her will on me and nearly bend me backwards.

Then pulling back, holding me by my hips which was necessary because right now that was the only thing keeping me upright.

"Mmm," she playfully murmured, licking her lips, "Delicious."

And then she smiled bright and wide again, spinning me quickly and locking my arm in his as she dragged me out into the light of day and the crowds that were ambling around the fair.

"So then..." she said, drawing her words out.

"What?" I shrugged, not knowing what she was waiting for.

"So then you were busy," she finished her thought, "Or at least I think you were busy. Truth is you kept yourself well and good and hidden but I mean jesus girl, I'm not an idiot. I know what you did..."

She leaned in closer, bumping against me and speaking quietly enough that only I could hear her, "And I am so proud of you."

Then she was back again, rubberbanding and practically bouncing with excitement and enthusiasm.

"You're quite the protege, I do say. Very promising. I think the two of us are going to fucking rule this campus by the end of things. Get all the girls jealous and all the boys wanting us and maybe hopefully some of the girls as well."

Quickly, so fucking quickly, her hand snapped down and squeezed my ass before bouncing back up to my arm and dragging me forward.

"But all in good time, of course. Promising start but still so much work to do and I am so glad that you don't seem to have a comfort zone because that just means you don't have one for me to push you out of. And I mean I had all these ideas about confidence boosts and all the rest of it, giving you the courage to be the girl I knew you could be, but I gotta say between what you did this morning before I even ran into you and what you did just now you're well on your way to being far more courageous than me. I don't know that you need a confidence boost, or even any guidance at all."

That thought had me panicking a little, though I didn't know precisely why. Maybe it was that there was more than a few reasons to panic, too many to nail down any one single one as the driving factor.

But really there was only two that mattered. There was only the idea that I had come so far so fast, come so very much past my comfort zone. But truthfully that thought was easily sidestepped with the knowledge that I was having fun in all of this and that I didn't want to stop. I didn't want to stop at all.

Which I guess meant that the real reason for my fear and my panic was the thought that Rachel would believe that I didn't need her. The thought that maybe she wouldn't be there to mentor me. To guide me.

Because the truth was that I had done a lot. I had done far more than I ever thought I could or would. But I still kept on feeling like I had so much more to go and everything that lay beyond what I'd done so far, well it was intimidating enough to want a guide to help me out.

"Don't," I said quietly, maybe a little too shockingly honest as well because she stopped the both of us and turned to me.

"Don't what?" Rachel asked.

"Don't think that I don't need you," I said, blushing a little with my vulnerability, "Because I mean... I mean this is fun and all but it's new and I think I really do. Need you, that is."

I remember then, a flash and a memory. I remember the birthday we could spend together. I remember the life that I'd caught a glimpse of.

Friends. More.

But not enough.

Not enough to satisfy. Not enough to be enough.

Not enough to keep me from wanting more.

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