Hot Sausage, Big Tips, by street0

“YOU TOLD ME WE WERE DONE!”

“Gina…”

“Why does this always have to happen! Why are there suddenly a bunch of new subscriptions! Fuck you!”

“You know the drill by now, we are reading Hot Sausage, Big Tips, by street0"

“Didn’t we cover this author already, Marcie?”

“I...do not think so, Gina.”

“Huh, weird, why do I have this disgusting feeling of Deja Vu?”

“Perhaps it is because this author has also written for Blowjob universe, a story we covered in the past.”

“Marcie?”

“Yes, Gina?”

“is this a fucking blowjob story?”

“Uhh…”

“Do I have to remind you, that the protagonist of that blowjob story currently sits at the number two spot of my scumbag protagonist rating?”

“Sure, but this story is from a female POV.”

“Somehow that makes it even worse!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Alright, this is a story about some (non magic) app that people can use to commission blowjobs. And yes, it is exactly as retarded as it sounds.”

“Our protagonist is a smart girl named Emma who makes use of the app to get some lunch money, but perhaps she will end up biting off more then she could chew.”

“ok, chapters are short as fuck, that’s good at least. But what the fuck is this shit? There’s a bunch of weird choices here.”

“Hm...Gina, I think this might be another Roxanne situation.”

“What?”

“You know, were the different branches are split up into sagas.”

“Oh...you mean...”

“Yes, we have to start from the beginning to get the full experience.”

“Ugh…”

“Emma’s first client is one Professor Williams, a teacher at Emma’s college. In fact, she is in his class but he does not remember her.”

“Wow. It took author until chapter three to shove a dick gif in my face.”

“Beyond that the chapter is very short, after a brief blowjob, we move to our next client. An Otaku.”

He turns his greasy face away from the screen. “Baka! Emma-kun, I wish you looked more like Magical Girl Sakura. Blow me while I play this eroge.”

“Oh look Marcie. It’s your boyfriend.”

“Why, I never. You do not use the kun suffix with a girl! -san or -chan would both suffice giving the situation, or if he wanted to be especially demeaning he could go with -ko.”

“Ok, Marcie.”

“Also, is he referring to the Manga/Anime Card Captor Sakura? Considering her canon age of ten, that would be appropriately creepy.”

“Ok, Marcie.”

“Meanwhile the gif shows the Otaku playing with a controller. What sort of degenerate plays an Eroge with a controller? Even if we give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it is a game play heavy title like the Rance series, mouse and keyboard are the way to go.”

“OK, MARCIE!”

“At any rate, this is another rather short chapter.”

“Too bad you can’t shut the fuck up about it.”

“Next, we have a group order waiting for Emma.”

She makes her way over to Greek Row where all the frats and sororities are. Her clients are at the Kappa Omicron Kappa house.

“Waaaaaait, is this a crossover with the frat fuckers? You know the fucking beach story?”

“No Gina, They were called Delta Kappa Magnum. I do not know what the connection between frat houses and Japanese folklore is.”

“Huuuurrrrlll!”

“Gina!”

“That gif is absolutely disgusting! Why the fuck are straight guys so fucking gay!”

“I uh...do not know how to respond to that, Gina.”

“Holy fuck. I think I have to vomit again!”

“Anyways, these three encounters were all rather unpleasant.”

“Yeah, everyone in this story acts like a huge dick. Which means the quantity of dicks is way too much for me to stomach.”

“But the next fellow seems somewhat more agreeable. Although I am getting a bit of a American Psycho vibe from him.”

Chris chuckles. “Oh, I know. Good answer, Emma. Timing the market is an art.”

“My suspicions turned out to be true. Only psychopaths attempt to time the market.”

“Uhu.”

That gets her a loud laugh. Chris finishes his drink. “I suppose my secret is that I’m good at timing the market. “

“No, you are not, you witless cretin! Timing the market is a fairytale told to naive fools who dream of rich quick schemes. It does not work! “The big short” was an over embellished work of fiction, featuring a lucky idiot who just so happens to win the lottery while thousands just like him failed. It is nothing but survivorship bias. Get this into your head you boneheaded baboons!”

“Are you done, Marcie?”

“My apologies. Let us return to more tasteful matters.”

“So, another lame blowjob. Awesome. This fucking story is just the same thing over and over again!”

“Ah but, here something interesting happens. We are at chapter seven, but the story wraps back to chapter 3, which used to be a choice. That is...an interesting approach.”

“All it means we now have to read even more!”

“Starting with our old friend the professor again.”

The professor sits up and opens his phone. “Good work, five stars. Fuck, I wish that slut in my class that looks like you blew me like that too. Can’t. Dean Brown would skin me for fucking a student, not to mention my wife Sarah. That means I’ll be seeing you again.”

“How did that dumbass land that teacher gig? And sure yeah, reveal more stuff she can **** you with! Idiot!”

“Which is followed up directly by the coach of the track team and campus security getting in on the blowjob action. Sigh. You see, Gina. This is why it is important to rule your college with an iron fist. I certainly do not suffer such imbeciles at my college!”

“Did you just skip over the lesbian encounter?”

“I did not think it relevant to the overall narrative.”

“Fuck you!”

“Alright, alright. What did you think of it, Gina?”

“Keh, it’s all just so...bland and formulaic? Like we had shit sex scenes before but these are just so ho-hum. I can’t even say they are that badly written, just short and generic, like we are at some kinda all you can eat blowjob buffet!”

“That is a terrifying idea, Gina. Let us move on quickly.”

“Ugh it’s just more of the fucking same. And holy fuck there are so many gifs here I can’t even scroll the page so I don’t have to see a wiggling dick while reading the text!”

“And none of them are centered. Why is it so hard for authors to center their images and gifs?”

“That’s not the fucking problem, Marcie! I don’t want to watch fucking five second movies while reading! It’s distracting as fuck!”

“I agree. But then again we are not the audience.”

“Yeah, dick lovers are!”

“Ehem...moving on. Oh my, perhaps to be expected even the Dean of the campus decided to use this service too.”

“Yeah, but he schemes to get rid of that perv professor, so he wants Emma to film herself sucking him off to get him fired for being a huge dipshit.”

Emma taps to keep the Dean as her client in Suckr. She knows she won’t betray Professor Williams to the Dean, but that’s no reason not keep blowing both. The sun is high in the sky. She marks her mouth available for sharing in Suckr.

“Interesting. If Emma plays her cards right, she can pit the various factions against each other and take over the campus in one fell swoop!”

“Not every school related story is about taking over said school, Marcie.”

“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Alright, we finally reached Day 6 and the final part of this saga.”

She lifts up a memory stick in her hand. “This has a recording of Dean Brown getting a blowjob from a student. He’s trying to get you fired, so I thought you might like to have leverage on him, Professor.”

“Yes! Now have Williams usurp the Dean’s place while you control everything from behind! Then once your power is solidified and he has outlived his usefulness, dispose of him!”

“Marcie, you are doing the eye thing again.”

“Ehem, Unfortunately, not much else comes from it. The corrupt cop from earlier decides he really likes to get hit with a **** charge and abducts Emma, only to toss her out naked in the middle of nowhere. You know, the characters in this story all act rather carefree.”

“Ya think, Marcie? Ya think the walking dicks behave a bit odd?”

“I mean, it does break my suspension of disbelief a bit.”

“OH, DOES IT NOW?”

“And who would rescue Emma but Mr. Daytrader himself. He promises to take care of things and basically buys her out. Unfortunately, he can’t even take care of his portfolio so this will only result in a bad ending.”

“Is this even an ending, Marcie? It looks fairly open.”

“Well, it is the last chapter, so let us just say it is and move on.”

“You won’t see me complaining.”

“Poor investment advice aside, I actually think the core concept for this story is not horrible. But the author should have taken more time to flesh it out. Put some meat on the bone.”

“…”

“As it stands the author squirted out 30 chapters over the span of a month and then just called it a day. It is a shame really.”

“Haaahh...if you excuse me, I need to look at some shark videos to get that disgusting taste out of my mouth.”

“You do that, Gina. To sum this review up, I think we can both agree that this story...blows!”