Hitting Rock Bottom

High Oracle Cassiopeia woke up in a pile of mud, sat up, and **** herself to process how disastrously the revival had gone.

First of all, she was in a swamp. Second, she was green.

She held her hands up. Both a dull, mossy color that blended with the damp grass around her. Worse, they were… Stubby. Much smaller than her original hands, with short little fingers and attached to squat little arms.

Somehow, her new body’s curves were even more exaggerated than her original’s. Breasts twice as big as before, on a slight torso that exploded into a ludicrous pair of rear and thighs. She could hardly lie down correctly, and the way her thighs insisted on squishing into each could only be described as comical.

She was three feet tall. No one would ever treat her seriously again.

Pointed teeth and giant, floppy ears. Her hair, a frizzy mess of lime-colored curls, was knotted tight with twigs and flowers. Her clothes were a mass of loosely-knit, bound-together fabrics, covering some of her ridiculous new form while doing absolutely nothing to hide the jiggling and humiliation that came with it.

Third, Cassiopeia was really, really horny.

This horrifying revelation took her by surprise. The feeling was a deep, primal hotness erupting from between her wrong-colored thighs and refusing to subside no matter how much she pushed—

Cassiopeia gasped and yanked away the hand that had unconsciously wandered downwards.

“Have I...” Her new voice was low and scratchy. The tone of someone unused to speaking. “Turned into a goblin?”

Green. Short. Stupid. And bewilderingly aroused no matter the circumstances. Cassiopeia had never seen a goblin before, but… The stories couldn't be completely serious, right?

Cassiopeia yelped. It almost hurt to ignore the urges. Unbidden images flew through her mind, her new body pinned in place by the strapping young guard she’d employed last month…

“No, no, no,” she said, shaking her head wildly. Obnoxious instincts aside, Cassiopeia had controlled an entire religion by herself for decades. Whatever this current state was, it couldn’t be nearly as difficult. She took a step forward—awkwardly, considering how her new self was balanced, but she managed—and directed her mind to dwell on whatever distraction she could think of.

Namely. How did this happen?

***************

Everything smelled of dirt and moss, the air was heavy with heat and rainfall, and Aubrey the big tiddy elf wizard woke up with the worst hangover.

Again, Arcanist, not Wizard–

She groaned in pain, propped herself up, and surveyed the damage.

A transparent, spectral carriage on its side, one wheel still spinning. Natalie the muscular red demon lady some distance away, flat on her face and snoring loudly enough to overtake the sound of birds and insects. A dull pain in her back, though Aubrey couldn’t tell if that came with her swollen chest or the muddy grass she’d been using as a bed.

She had no idea where they were.

No actually, she never really had an idea where they were—but she was distinctly sure the cozy little cottage from last night was nowhere near a swamp, and this was very distinctly, very obviously, a swamp.

She heard a loud, explosive croak in the distance and corrected herself. Fantasy swamp.

“N…Natalie, are you okay?” She asked, voice hammering through her skull. She received an almost parsable mumble in response, and slumped back to the ground. “How drunk were we last night?”

“...Lots.” Natalie managed.

“What?”

“We had lots of… Everything.” Natalie rubbed her eyes. “Pixie’s Giggle. Rainbow Moonshine. Ya had something tha’ looked like… Like… A tiny galaxy, crammed inside an itsy bitsy lil’ bottle…” Her voice lulled, and Aubrey heard faint snoring.

“Natalie!”

“…Tasted like an’ orgasm…”

Aubrey flushed. “Yup. You’re fine.”

Aubrey tried to blink away the migraine. When that didn’t work, she distracted herself with the canopy far above; warm, morning lights cracking through the dense foliage. It was picturesque like everything else in this too-horny world, and a welcome contrast to the cold ground below–yeah, no. It was too bright and painful, and Aubrey **** her eyes back shut.

I’m supposed to be magic, right? She asked herself. Isn’t there, like, a spell for hangovers?

She could almost hear the **** Cordelia part of her mind grumble in response. How esteemed scholars like Doctor Cordelia Pennkeeper were much too busy and important to get black-out drunk, stranding themselves in the middle of who-knows-where like fools.

…But yes, Polypurpose Panacea serves to relieve pains such as this.

Aubrey tossed a hand up and chanted out new words as if she’d done so hundreds of times before. A brief tingling sensation, and the pain ebbed away.

“That’s so much—” Her eyes widened, finally truly processing everything around her. “Better?”

Giant, dense, moss-covered trees snaking up and around each other in ways that felt too particular to be natural. Between them flit bird-sized bugs of every color imaginable, massive webbings of flower-covered vines dragging themselves from one branch to the next, and vague bulbs of light aimlessly floating about.

Also, a short, green, pointy-eared woman, right near Aubrey. No more than three feet tall, barely-covered curves every bit as ludicrous as Aubrey’s own, and staring at her down with a mix of surprise and… Hunger? Arousal, maybe?

Aubrey gasped and cleared her throat, doing her very best to give the impression of the composed sexy-wizard lady her body belonged to. “Greetings little… Goblin?”

Flawlessly done, Aubrey, as always.

The goblin stayed silent for a moment, its gaze steady on Aubrey. “That accent. It’s too human for an elf.”

Aubrey blinked, unsure which surprised her more; what the goblin said, or how almost-posh it sounded.

“...Sure,” Aubrey answered, smartly.

The goblin gave a smile. “Well, little elf, you’re in luck. I’d absolutely love to work a deal together.”