Her Past

Helen adored Mike. She knew or at least had sensed, that he had lost his faith shortly after they were married. She didn’t care, she loved him too much and had done since they were children. She had planned to gently ease him back to the way of righteousness by being the good and virtuous wife she had been raised to be.

From that first night together there had been one thing that had cast doubt about her virtue. When he touched her in her intimate places for the first time, it had been like a bolt of lightning. She had touched herself a little beforehand and had even had an orgasm but she had felt so guilty and response from the priest had made her feel so bad about it she had never touched herself like that again. Now she was married god wouldn’t be upset with her for feeling pleasure at the touch of her husband. Before they had even consummated the marriage,Mike had made her cum with his hand. Tears fell down her cheeks as she had felt blessed by God that the man she loved would care to make her feel so good. The sex had hurt but not as badly as she feared and of course, this wasn’t the only time they would do it. They were married and it was her duty to see to the needs of her husband.

To her relief, Mike seemed to want her fairly frequently and she was always eager when he approached her intending to make love. This troubled her. She feared she was a wanton woman. She couldn’t bring herself to limit Mike’s access to her body. She felt she probably should but she was too eager to turn him down. The best she could do was to make sure that they only made love in a godly way.

She was surprised when Mike had told her she should get a job but was secretly delighted. Mike had told her that any money she made was hers to spend as she pleased and she was keen to get out and meet people, especially because she no longer had family close by.

Her parents were disgusted to hear she was working in a cafe and they warned her about the sinful people she would be exposed to. She had tried to heed their words but couldn’t help the fact that she liked the people she was working with and many of the customers who came in. Yes, they sometimes talked of sinful things; intimacy outside of marriage, consumption of and even not believing in God. Yet these were nice people. They did good things for each other and seemed to have their own moral compasses.

As she made friends she shared stories of the strict physical punishments she would receive when she strayed from the righteous path, the things she had been taught or the daily bible study. Every one was met with disbelief and shock. She spoke as if they were normal and yet her colleague would hold her and tell her how sorry she was. It caused her to reflect on her upbringing.

She waited for a long time before she broached the subject with Mike. She was frightened at how he would respond. While she suspected he had strayed from the path, she couldn’t be sure and feared destroying their marriage. Finally, they spoke about what she was feeling. As she spoke up her doubts and fears came pouring out. How could their parent have treated them like this? How could a loving god expect this from the faithful? The refraction she feared didn’t come and instead, she saw only relief and joy on his face.

They decided to remove themselves from their families. It was a hard choice for Helen but they both knew what the fallout from being an apostate was. They made a clean break and started a new life together. She got another job even though Mike said he didn’t mind and Mike worked hard at his new job.

Mike was so busy that he wasn’t as interested in making love as often. This was distressing for Helen as she still couldn’t bring herself to touch herself sexually or indeed do anything provocative to entice him. A handful of times she became so that she actually asked Mike to make love to her. She had felt awful asking her body felt like it needed the attention.

She wished she could be like her friend Maisy. Maisy was a student at the local university who worked at the same cafe on weekends. She was nothing like Helen but that was what made Helen so fascinated with her. Every weekend she would have some torrid tale of her sexual exploits. For her part, Maisy was obsessed with the reaction she got from Helen with her exploits and relished the look of horror and fascination Helen would have as she listened. Helen secretly admired her confidence and, she would have died if Maisy ever found out but she got a little bit aroused listening to her talk about what she had been up to. She would have suspected she had a bit of a crush on Maisy but that was ridiculous, women couldn’t be sexually attracted to each other.

News of the of Mike parents had seemed to energise Mike. They were making love more frequently again which was extremely pleasing but he was also asking things of her. In the early days of their marriage, he would often ask to try a different position or for her to touch his penis with her hands but she had always turned him down. He had tried again after they cut their families out of their lives. This had been more tempting but the guilt of being so lustful still hinder her. Now she was still turning him down but after some of the shocking things she had heard from Maisy, his suggestions didn’t sound quite as terrible. She really wanted to say yes but was still plucking up the courage. She just hoped that he would persist until she could bring herself to agree.

One day he came home from work with a look of excitement in his eyes. “I’ve made a decision,” he said as he held her hands and looked into her eyes. “I’m going to quit my job.” Helen was shocked and confused but he assured her that they had more than enough to not only get by but live far more luxuriously than they had been. “I feel like we’ve been hiding. I want us to get a nice place where I can spend time with you and I can manage my investments. I want to travel, I want to go to exotic places and walk with you on white sandy beaches.”

A new house was exciting but travel? The very thought of it was exciting. “We can really go on adventures?” she asked with childlike awe at the idea.

“We’ve been hiding too long. It’s time we started to live a little” replied Mike and she could see the love in his eyes. This was so exciting.