Her Greatest Sin

The next time I wake it is to the repeated slapping of my right cheek. “Hey! Hey, Filth. Wake up.”

I blink my eyes awake. The pain was the first thing to hit me, it is less than before but still torturous. It was a dull constant roar now, its steadiness something that could be managed as long as it stayed like this.

I could see by the light coming in through the walls that the sun was still out but it was now much dimmer. It was evening, night probably less than an hour away. The woman knelt over me, she had a thick ceramic mug in her hands that said “#1 Dad” across it's chipped side. She brings it to my mouth.

“Here, take some water.” She orders me.

I look at the mug nervously.

She says in a testy tone. “It's safe.” With a look of exasperation she takes a drink herself. “See. Too good for the likes of you really. Why would I bandage you just to poison you now?” She had a point. She brings the mug to my lips once more.

I take the cool fresh water into my mouth...oh it is heaven. It soothes and cools my inflamed burnt mouth and throat as it washes through. I drink it in greedily, leaning my head up to catch every drop. Too soon the cup is empty. “Hhhha uhh.” I grunt, begging for more. She calmly turns and pours another cup full from a soot stained glass bottle. She offers it too me again. Once more I lap up every blessed drop. She fills it again. As she brings it to my mouth I lean into it too swiftly, impatient for that wonderful feeling. My chin knocks her hand sending water spilling over my chin, cheeks and neck. She pulls it back for a second then thankfully lets me drain this cup as well. She sets the cup down.

Taking a nearby rag she brings it up to gently wipe my wet face. She looked annoyed for having to do it and yet her touch was patient and attentive. Though the light was low I am struck once more by her beauty. Her oversized men's clothes and ragged rough cut short hair did nothing to hide her attractiveness from me.

She notices me admiring her and she snaps. “Don't look at me Filth. I hate Orcs, you disgust me. Your yellow eyes look like piss.”

I do as she asks and turn my head. How could I not? I owed her everything.

She says curtly. “You were making noises as you slept. I might have to gag you tonight.” I notice she is washing the cup out, wiping it hard with a cloth, before pouring a drink for herself. Washing off my mutant saliva no doubt. “Your brother out there took my gun. I can't defend us if anything finds us. That means we stay quiet. No fire either unfortunately. It'll be cool tonight. If trouble happens I am gone. I'll leave you behind to be eaten...or worse.”

I slowly turn my eyes back to look at her. She was kneeling beside me, cup in both hands as she drank. I am once more fascinated by her and the fact she thought she had to explain that. Of course she'd leave me behind. It never occurred to me that she might do anything else. I didn't even understand why she was here now.

She isn't looking at me, she is looking out toward the door flap area. “Good salvage up top. You Orcs left a hell of a mess behind you. Your brother didn't find my pack, thank God, or we would have been in real trouble.” She sets down the mug and reaches toward a backpack that was set up in the middle of the shelter. There is the sound of crinkly plastic as she pulls out a small red and white package of old world ramen noodles. She turns and asks. “Hungry?”

I shake my head no.

She replies. “Didn't think so. Don't look at me, look away.” I stare up at the ceiling. “I hate Orcs. You are disgusting dumb brutes. I can't believe I had one of you inside me...makes me want to wretch. You're lucky you don't have to worry about that mutant filth.”

The moment she isn't looking at me I turn my head back to watch her. I just couldn't keep my eyes off of this mysterious woman. My savior. She opens the noodles and pulls the precious bouillon packet out. Ripping it open she adds it to her water and stirs it around with her finger. She sucks her wet finger clean then tears open the packet more to lick out any remnants. I did that too with those. Reaching back into the package she breaks off a chunk of hard noodle and shoves it in her mouth. She starts chewing. Crunch, crunch, crunch. She takes a sip from the cup.

She sits down gingerly cross legged and finally allows herself to relax, her attention still toward the outside. Probably listening for danger.

She talks in a low smooth voice. “This is a good spot. I think I'll stay here for a while. Lucky for you. I'll move on in a few days.” She munches down on another handful of noodle then takes another sip of broth. “A lot of dead bodies up there. Going to be swarming with rats and carrion eaters by tomorrow. Should be safe enough down here. Luckily I got most of the good stuff already.” She didn't seem to be talking to herself yet she didn't quite seem to be talking to me either. She was just talking.

She sets down her supper and reaches into the pack and pulls out a small metal object. “Look at this. Found it in a boot, in beside the foot, almost missed it.” She flips it open. I knew exactly what it was and I knew exactly who it belonged to, or used to belong to. “It's a multitool. It's in pretty good shape. Knife, file, saw, pliers with a wire cutter, good stuff....this part here is broken off.” She shows me without turning her head. “Still, a pretty nice find. Good for all sorts of stuff. Small too.” She turns it over in her hand really taking a close look at it. She pulls a tiny sliver of bloody bone shard from between two of the tools and tosses it.

I gasp a noise in response. She shoots me an irritated glance. “Shut up Filth.”

She doesn't ask me to look away this time though. She returns to looking over the tool. She sat sideways to me. Again, she was talking to me and not talking to me at the same time. “I found a book too.” She pulls it from the pack. “Too dark to read right now. Your mutant brother took my light. It's a novel, big one too. It's about a detective. You probably don't know even what a detective is. It's a person who solves mysteries in the old world. They caught bad guys and stuff too. The last bit is ripped off but that's okay. You probably can't read but I can. We can use it for fire starter after I'm done with it.” If I could talk I might tell her that I could read, though at the moment I was quite happy just to listen to her talk. She spoke so differently than what I was used to.

She continues. “Clouds were moving in out there. I don't think it will rain but it will probably be pretty dark tonight. I wish I could build a fire. I don't like the dark so much. Safer though.” She shifts and moves just a tiny bit closer to me. She returns to her meal. “This says it is shrimp flavored. I've never had a real shrimp. Out on the coast I hear they still have them, in the colonies at least. I had a big crawfish once. Oh it was so good.” She actually lets out a light laugh. “They put real butter on it. My dad had to work three extra shifts for that. But...it was soooo good.” She eats in silence for a while.

Finishing off her dinner she wipes her hands and swishes a bit more water round the cup before drinking it down. “I'll see if I can get us some meat tomorrow. Maybe set a trap.” She was now rocking back and forth as she spoke, I don't think she realizes she is doing it. She had sidled a little closer to me once more, her foot was now touching my leg. She still didn't look at me though. “If I can find a gun maybe I'll risk a fire tomorrow. You probably like your meat raw, but I need to cook mine or I'll get sick.” I cooked mine as well. She obviously had a colonist's view of Orcs. “Should be able to at least get some rats. I'll see if I can find you some clothes too.” She pauses. “So I don't have to look at your hideous mutant body so much. If I find some thread or twine I can make you something. I wish this tool had scissors.”

She continues on like this for some time while I just lay there and listened. I didn't have much choice but...I could listen to her all night regardless. I enjoyed her every word, even her insults.

She lets out a little moan of discomfort and shifts her weight. “Ow.” She gets back up to a kneeling position again. She reaches down into her loose overalls and hisses an intake of breath “Your brother hurt me...oh ow. Ow.” She kept calling Blitz my brother, I didn't even like the guy. In fact, after what he had done to this woman, I actually hated him. As I watched her tend to herself I decide that I will kill him if I ever see him again.

The light was fading fast. Now all I could see were silhouettes inside the shelter. I watch her shadow as she puts things away around the tent. She pulls something large from the pack. “I've only got one blanket, we'll have to share. Conserve heat that way anyway.” I feel as she touches my abdomen. “No fever yet, that's good. You're not out of the woods yet you know. Too bad about your smell. I'll clean you up proper tomorrow, though I doubt filth like you can ever really come clean.”

She sits still for a few minutes, listening hard. The sounds of the evening insects are coming to life outside but nothing else can be heard. She says in a whisper. “I'm going to pray now. I think you should too. Mutants, um...well, mutants can't get to heaven. You don't deserve God's grace. But...at least you could ask for forgiveness in this life. It's all you have after all.”

Forgiveness? With the life I've lead? Girl...you have no fucking clue.

In a hushed voice, just barely audible, I hear her begin. “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven...”

I lay there and listen to her pray. She humbly thanks her make believe god for another day alive and begs forgiveness for the sins she'd committed. Even now...I am still so perplexed by her. With what she'd been through at the hands of Blitz she was thankful for this day? She asks forgiveness for the sins she committed on a day she saved a total stranger's life? This woman was a saint yet she prayed with the total heartfelt conviction of a vicious killer making a deathbed conversion.

I turn it over in my mind and something terrible dawns on me. I am shook as I realize that she had surely committed her greatest sin this day. She had done an evil that would stain her soul forever. She had saved my life. The life of a killer, a marauder, a bully, and a thief. If I did manage to survive my wounds what evil would I go on to do thanks to her merciful act? How many people's blood would be on her hands indirectly? How much suffering would I go on to cause? She would have been so much better off leaving me to die or killing me herself like she should have done.

She finishes her prayer and takes the blanket and drapes it over my exposed torso. My feet stick out the bottom but it is the best she can do. I just catch the fact that she picks up her knife again, keeping it close by. Curling up beside me she lies as close as she possibly can without actually touching me. I was thankful for that as she is on my injured side.

I turn my head. In the last pale bits of greenish light I can see her hair less than a foot from my face. I wished my seared nostrils could smell. I would have loved to smell her just then. I would have loved to touch her. She was so soft, so delicate. Her pure blood body so smooth. I find myself, for the first time, wanting to know what that felt like.

I turn to look straight up and I close my eyes. I focus on tamping down the pain once more, it was easier now. This was the worst I'd ever been injured but it could have been so much worse. I actually start to believe that I might just pull through this thing...thanks to my Wasteland angel. I should be happy, I should be ecstatic. Survival was everything here in the Wastes. And yet, this time seemed different. This time I didn't know how to feel.

I can hear her awake beside me muttering something under her breath. Some short repetitive phrase over and over and over again. I cannot make out the words. Perhaps it was another prayer. I fall asleep listening to the quiet rhythm of her whispered voice.