Help Tom

Like it or not, you and Tom were on the same team. If you could support a toxic teammate in a comp match, then you could swallow your pride and help out your fellow adventurer.

{if game: Class = Ranger}

Taking aim on the advancing goblins with your bow, you loosed two arrows in quick succession. The first struck one goblin at the base of the neck, the second hit the other between it's shoulder blades. They both collapsed instantly, one tipping forward and sliding lifelessly down into the ditch towards it's former target.

{elseif game: Class = Wizard}

The staff in your hand thrummed in your hand once more. Levelling it at the advancing goblins, your thoughts flashed briefly with fire, and your newfound magic obeyed. A jet of flame leapt to the space between the two creatures, striking the ground with an explosion and sending them both flying. Gravel and debris from the blast rained down into the trench Tom had leapt in.

The thought of him being pelted with a shower of pebbles put a smile on your face. At least that asshole wouldn't get off entirely scot free for his arrogance.

{elseif game: Class = Knight}

Bringing your sword to your shoulder, you charged forward. The goblins were already moving away from you, but their legs were far shorter. Still, their head start meant that you barely arrived in time. One of the goblins was mid-leap when you swung, cutting it in two above Tom and splashing him with blood. The other goblin was still grounded when your blade struck him, cutting him down so that he fell into the trench.

{elseif game: Class = Paladin}

Lowering your shield, you charged in to the goblins like a battering ram. You shoved the first one so hard that it flew clear across the trench, bouncing in to the woods and out of sight. The other goblin tasted your sword, swung backhanded from above your shield to drop him where he stood.

{endif}

With those most threatening goblins slain, you turned your attention to the edge of the ditch, where Tom tossed his axe back on to the road before pulling himself up. With his new muscles he made it look easy, drawing himself up like he was doing a muscle-up before putting one knee back on the path.

"You're welcome," you told Tom as he stood back up, taking up his axe again.

"Pfft, I had it," he brushed you off without even looking at you, making you wonder why you'd even bothered. Turning back to the wagon, you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw that Miranda and Sarah were still okay. Your crush was still back from the action on the middle of the wooden roof, and Sarah was stood proudly at the front, sending two inquisitive goblins scurrying into the woods with new lash marks across their torsos. Her boobs, however, were now sadly back inside her onepiece.

The action seemed to have stopped, and you were just about to head back to the girls to discuss what to do next, when you heard the loudest rustling of leaves yet from the treeline on the far side of the ditch. The rumbling of footsteps, pounding in a sprint, grew louder. The ground seemed to shake as you readied your weapons. The sound just kept growing louder.

When you thought the noise could get no more cacophonous, the source finally revealed itself. A great boar, almost the height of a horse and twice as wide, crashed through the trees. With a single leap, it crossed the ditch to land on the path. It's trotters skidded in the gravel as it slid to a halt in the centre of the path, turning to face towards you. Tusks like swords pointed towards you, and the beasts yellow eyes flared angrily.

Sat atop it was another goblin, this one looking distinctly cocky. He was seated on a crude saddle, but before you could get a proper look, he yanked the reins in his hands. The hog snorted, scratched the ground, and charged at you.

As is natural when a 1000 pound behemoth of meat, tusks, and rage, is barrelling towards you, you jumped out of the way. Rolling into the ditch, you stood up to see Tom hadn't been so wise. He instead was readying his axe, as if he could swing at the pig like a baseball and knock it out of the park. That idiot. Even if he killed it in one hit, it's momentum would probably still flatten him.

You had to help him before he got himself killed.

{if game: Class = Ranger}

Knocking an arrow, you took aim at the beast's back leg, loosing your shot in a heartbeat. The animal bellowed as your plumed arrow sprouted from it's joint, it's formerly unstoppable gait now faltering to half the speed.

{elseif game: Class = Wizard}

Resting your staff on the edge of the trench, like you were deploying a machine gun, you took aim at the animal's side. As it passed you, you released a bolt of fire, knocking it off balance and reducing it's mighty charge to a forward moving stumble.

{elseif game: Class = Knight}

Standing in the ditch, one foot on the road side slop, you prepared yourself for the boar's approach. Hooves thundered, the beast whinnied, you exhaled and brought your sword to your shoulder. The thing flashed into your view like a speeding car, and you unleashed your swing like you were trying for a home run. The boar was out of your sight as quickly as it entered it, but a loud squeal confirmed that your blow had struck true.

{elseif game: Class = Paladin}

You skidded into the ditch, before arresting your momentum and climbing back to the edge. Letting someone get killed, even a particularly stupid someone like Tom, was unthinkable to you. Throwing yourself in front of the boar, however, seemed like a little much. There was only a couple of seconds to think before the animal passed you, but your mind was drawing a blank. You were meant to be a shining shield for those in need, yet you didn't know what to do.

A shining shield.

A glint from your armour flashing across the boars face caught your eye, and cemented a plan in your mind just as quickly. Positioning your shield between the sun and the advancing beast, you were able to reflect the sun right into it's twitching eye. When the boar turned it's head as it passed, you took the opportunity to lazily graze it's flank with your sword, cutting it's speed in half.

{endif}

The wounded pig stumbled the rest of the way to Tom, only to be met by a hellacious blow from his axe. The beast collapsed after a single swing, gravel flying from in front of it as it skidded to a halt. The only reason Tom wasn't crushed was because he stepped through the follow through of his swing. A good thing he did too, since the goblin rider was catapulted from his saddle through the space that Tom had occupied a second earlier.

The whiplash and road rash that the little monster felt evidently did little to quash his martial spirit. Drawing a dagger from his grass skirt, he picked himself up to attack Tom, only to be met by the 6'6" barbarian with his axe already raised over his head. You doubted the creature even had a chance to feel regret before Tom bisected him.

"Whoo, way to go Tom," Sarah shouted, jumping down from the top of the wagon with the grace of a cheerleader. Her red hair flowed behind her, and her breasts jumped in their one piece, as she practically skipped over to Tom.

"Yeah, good job, Tom," Miranda added, climbing down more carefully from the carriage. The tiny piece of fabric that passed for her skirt showed off the pretty much the entirety of her legs in action as she moved, from ankle to asscheek, so much so that you felt like you had to look away as you climbed out of the ditch.

"That was really impressive, killing that huge pig in just one swing," Sarah continued, wrapping her whip up around one hand as if she was twiddling her hair. Even just the way Miranda walked towards him, hands clasped behind her back, seemed like she was praising Tom. Considering your input, that all felt rather unfair.

"Hey," you said, "I'm the one who slowed the boar down."

Sarah gave you a second glance, Miranda just swept her flowing hair back from her face.

"I didn't really see," your crush muttered weakly.

"Great work John," Sarah said, giving you a thumbs up with markedly less exuberance. It felt like you were being patronized. Worst of all, Tom completely ignored you.

"You're too kind, ladies," he said, resting the head of his axe on the earth and his elbow upon it. "Stopping that crazy animal was the least I could do for two pretty girls like you."

Sarah smiled at his lazy compliment, and even Miranda blushed a little. Rather than letting that dumbass bask in the glory of having his life saved by you, you decided to move the conversation forward.

"I'm just glad we won without anyone dying," you said, only for the mood of the group to instantly change. No sooner were the words out of your own mouth, before you started thinking about their ramifications.

"John," your crush said your name slowly. "What happens if we die?"

That would have been a heavy question at the best of times, but now it was extra pressing.

"Let me see," you said, thinking hard again. The FAQ popped up before your eyes, and with a single thought as a query, you were brought to your answer.

{letter}

In the event that a player's HP is reduced to zero and they are not revived in time, they will "die" and respawn in three days time. They will also lose all their experience to their next unearned level. In the event that all players die at the same time (a TPK) they will respawn at the last safe point where the entire party was together. This will typically be the last place that the party slept together.

{endletter}

"Phew," you breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn't so bad at all. "If we die, we come back in three days, unless we all die, then we'll all come back together."

"How did you know that?" Tom asked, frowning at you over his planted axe. Sarah and Miranda seemed similarly confused.

"The FAQ. Did you not see that during character creation?"

"No. Where is it?" Sarah asked, casting her blue eyes around as if it might be lurking in the nearby woods.

"You just, like, think it and it pops up," you explained, struggling to put into words how exactly the unintuitively intuitive system worked.

The three of them continued to look sceptical at you, until you saw their eyes begin to focus on the middle distance. Their pupils slid from left to right, reading words you could not see, and you could tell that they had gotten the hang of it. At least now you wouldn't have to explain everything to them, and once they were done, you could discuss your next move.