Hello, Mark

Sasha leads me out of the bathroom in my cute little improvised dress. I can accept it now, that’s basically what it is. I follow her to the living room and sit down on the couch. Normally I would take the recliner across the coffee table from the couch… but Mark is sitting in it. Stupid handsome new boyfriend Mark. “I’ll get you something for lunch. You must be starving. Talk to Mark to take your mind off things. You have a lot in common, I bet you’ll get along great.” She wanders off to the kitchen, just out of sight, but close enough to hear us if we speak too loudly.

I look at Mark as he looks at me. He speaks first. “Sorry about this. You know how she can be. So eager to help she forgets some of the details. I know this can’t be comfortable for you, hanging out with me. But if there’s anything I can do to help, feel free to ask. Besides leaving.” He laughs at his joke we both know is only kind of a joke. And I can’t help but smile a little, rubbing my arm shyly.

“Well it’th… know any methodth of fixing a lithp?” My train of thought is interrupted by my own mouth. “It’th brand new and driving me nutth.” I blush at my silly diversion. My whole world has fallen apart and I’m focusing on a new speech impediment.

“Actually yes. I have a nephew with something similar. Unfortunately the only long term solution is probably lots of practice, but I know where to find the test resources to figure out exactly what it is your mouth is doing wrong and what exercises to do to help you fix it fast. Maybe after lunch I can help you look it up.”

I’m a little flustered. I was mostly defaulting to complaining in order to hide how scared I was of all these changes, but he literally just answered my question with all seriousness and in an actually useful way. I both like him more now as a person and hate him more as Sasha’s boyfriend. I already knew it was true, he doesn’t need to rub in how much she traded up when we ended things. “Uh, yeah. Maybe we can.” Or maybe I will just figure out how to avoid the S sound for the rest of my life. Both are valid and reasonable options.

“So… I heard… uh… I’m sorry. It’s really hard to think of a subject that wouldn’t be touching on something that’s going wrong for you right now. Want to play some video games while we wait for lunch?”

Okay, maybe he isn’t so bad. “I like co-op if I’m playing with thomeone elthe. No hard feelingth that way.”

“Smart, especially with new people. My co-op options are a little slim though if you don’t have your own system with you. How do you feel about Nintendo?”

“They are good.” Damn, he’s winning me over. Just let me hate you!

A few minutes later Sasha comes back to find me and Mark crushing some poor kids at Switch Sports. Not my usual game type, but moving feels good and I have to admit that it was a good choice. My new lighter body feels like I can move faster, and while that makes me over-swing a lot, it also makes me feel more agile.

“Okay you two. I made some sandwiches and brought chips. Put the controllers down.”

“Can I make a joke about you choosing to make sandwiches for lunch?” Mark raises an eye brow flirtatiously at Sasha.

“Only if you plan on making your own sandwich. I haven’t eaten yet either and I can just as easily eat yours as make another.”

“Then thank you for the food.” He laughs it off. I don’t know if this is a joke they’ve done before, but they both seem happy with it. He grabs his sandwich off the plate she put next to him.

I sit back down on the couch and look at my plate. It’s a simple ham and cheese sandwich with a bit of mustard and no mayo… so she still remembers my dislike of mayonnaise. She also cut the sandwich into four… which makes it fit nicely in my hands. Yup.

“Oh Mark, why don’t you tell James about your book. I know it’s not done yet, but he’s a bookworm too.” Book?

“Ah well, it’s not like it’s something he will have heard of. But yeah, I wrote a book. A fantasy novel I've been thinking about since I was a kid. I finally self published it on a few web stores. I doubt anyone will be knocking down my door to give me an award, but I am pretty proud of it.” Shit, Sasha’s right. I do want to know more.

“I read a lot of fantathy bookth. Can I thee it?” The conversation takes a sharp turn as I grill Mark for every detail of his story. Finally he relents and just lets me read the book on his phone. I drop out of the conversation, and Sasha takes my place helping Mark defeat people at multiple sports on the Switch. It feels… pleasantly mundane. Like this morning wasn’t a traumatic nightmare. For a second I can almost forget the last two months didn’t happen, and I’m just sitting on my couch with my girlfriend Sasha after meeting her friend Mark.

But that isn’t what’s happening. I don’t live here anymore, and Mark isn’t just her friend. And I’m just here because I had no one else to crawl to and Sasha took pity on me. And Mark’s surprisingly well thought out story can’t distract me from that forever. After a couple hours of them swapping between games and me reading silently, Sasha gets my attention.

“James… I don’t want to make you uncomfortable after everything that’s happened, but I need to know. And I’m asking this in front of Mark so he knows it’s not behind his back and he doesn’t have to worry. But… why didn’t you tell me about your parents? If I had known what was going on, why you were shutting down, shutting me out, I… I don’t know, but it could have been different.” That’s a lie, and she knows it. All three of us know what she’s saying. If I hadn’t been a dumbass, she wouldn’t have dumped me and Mark wouldn’t be here.

“I jutht… can we… talk about thith later?”

Sasha looks ready to politely argue that I should tell her now, no doubt in a way that makes me feel unreasonable for not wanting to, when Mark, who somehow managed to basically disappear once she asked her question through the sheer mastery of his silence, comes back alive to jump in and rescue me. “Honey, while I’m sure James knows you deserve an answer, maybe today isn’t the best time for that question. I mean, you said he slept in his car last night and woke up like he is now. Let him take this at his own pace. Bringing this up now…”

“An alley.” I can’t help but interject. I know it’s not the most important detail, but I’d rather nitpick than focus on the actual discussion. They both look at me in confusion, and I realize it never came up so neither know what I mean. “I woke up in the alley behind the bar, after blacking out. I wath on the ground next to a puddle when I woke up in a pile of my own clotheth, and then I made my way to my car before calling Thasha.” I’m kind of proud how little I used the S sound there.

“… right. So he’s had a rough day. He’ll open up when he’s ready.” Sasha looks ready to drop it now. I don’t know why, she was looking ready to argue politely with Mark, but now she just backs down. I guess he’s just that persuasive.

“Okay. We can talk about it later. Just take it easy, James. We’ll keep an eye on the news and figure out what to do from there. In the meantime, just stay put here where we know it’s safe, okay?”

“…okay Thasha.”

The rest of the evening is back to being uneventful. Like we’re just three friends hanging out. Granted, I just met Mark, but he is definitely easy to get along with. And he helps me find those resources for speech impediments before dinner. Which he also makes. It’s pasta and it’s delicious.

Sasha finds some old pajamas and lets me borrow them. She makes plans to pick me up clothes actually made for my size, and she won’t let me tell her not too no matter how embarrassing it is to have someone else buy me underwear… especially since I can tell she’s not thinking of boxers.

I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I play this day over and over again. Did I make a mistake? This is definitely the most pleasant outcome as far as today goes, but what about tomorrow? Next week? Next month? I have no idea what’s going on with my life, why this happened to me. Maybe I would be better off if I’d just gone to a hospital. Maybe I could have gotten free medical if I agreed to be experimented on so doctors could figure things out faster… or I might have ended up being experimented on against my will, it’s a toss up.

I sigh. All in all, I guess I could have done worse than falling asleep in the home I used to share with my girlfriend. Pretty substantial improvement over last night, that’s for sure. And Mark… part of me wishes he was an asshole, so I could just hate him. But really, I’m glad Sasha found someone that makes her happy. It hurts to admit to myself, but he seems a better partner for her than I ever was. I wasn’t a jerk or anything, but after seeing how he treats her I have to admit she definitely spent more time taking care of me than she needs to him. I really was more a pet introvert than a boyfriend, a thought I’ve had before but it’s really hammered home now that I’ve seen her with Mark.

… maybe I could have just stayed in my car, and survived by driving around looking for drive-throughs. Oh, right. I’m too short to drive. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I drift to sleep, my pondering turning to dreams of what I could have done differently.