A new status quo

The next few days are weirdly tough and perfect. Tough because every time the news comes on I hear about monster attacks, monster hunts, politics about what to do about monsters. Including some very disturbing takes from people who would rather shoot first and ask questions only once they were the only ones alive to provide answers. Hearing people openly discussing the best methods of killing me on live TV is pretty disturbing. At least some people were talking reason, pointing out that the reason many monsters were attacking people is because many weren’t human to begin with.

Any time the news was on and the religious nuts chimed in, I knew it was time to turn off the news. In fairness, some of the more established religious leaders gave a measured response, like the pope saying god works in mysterious ways and he hasn’t revealed if this was a test for those that changed or those that didn’t, which isn’t very comforting on its own but compared to a southern hate preacher demanding I be stoned to ****, it manages to sound perfectly reasonable.

The perfect parts were hard too though. Sasha is perfect, caring and kind. She can be a bit impatient, but even then it’s just a strained kindness. And then there’s Mark, whose perfection is so well meaning I can’t get mad at him despite him highlighting all of my failures just by existing. We have many of the same interests, but he works at the same programming firm as Sasha and actually has social skills beyond basic customer service. While I have many interests that I never pursue beyond a very casual hobbyist, he has actually followed through on several. In addition to his self published book, he also is making a video game and he’s gotten pretty good at French. Sure, he’s not fluent yet and the video game is a relatively simple 2D puzzle plat-former using an amateur friendly game engine, but damnit he’s actually doing them. Unlike me who just recognizes there’s something I want, and then pines after it while imagining how nice it would be to actually get up and try.

“And another thing! Your handsome face… is stupid. It shouldn’t be that …handsome.” Sasha is laughing her butt off at my drunken ranting. Mark looks embarrassed, although I’m not sure if it’s because of me or for me. I’ve been practicing my S sound all week, Sasha challenged me to a drinking game. I’m only two beers in, and I’ve only messed up once. I should probably be worried about how much this body can handle, but that concern falls from my head after beer number one. “And… and you ure not even drunk yet.”

Sasha manages to catch her breath enough to stop my tirade against her boyfriend’s perfection. “But, but, but, baby. You still haven’t told me… why the silence? Why didn’t you tell me?! You know you can always trust me! I’d have helped!” Yeah, she’s got more beers in her than me. Still, despite the topic change I know just what she means.

“You! Yeah! You help. You …always help. And my …parents help. They died. And, and it …sucked. I was …sad but like, I couldn’t jutht deal with that. Because… I wasn’t just sad. I was …jobless. And… and that was just about everything. No family, no job. I don’t do… stuff. No friend. Just you. So… I couldn’t ask you for help. Cuz you were all I had left.”

“Baby, you know I love you… but that’s dumb as shit. Also, you fucked up another S. Take a drink.” Sasha rubs my cheek like I’m a kid here getting shit faced with her.

Mark interjects, the least drunk of the three of us. “I think James means he couldn’t risk mixing the part of his life that was falling apart with you for fear of contamination. I agree it isn’t a great way to look at it, but from a place of emotional vulnerability it makes a sort of twisted sense.”

“And you read … minds! Burn the witch!” I make sure to put emphasis on the S to not mess it up again. But seriously, he hasn’t known me long enough to be this good at getting my brain. It’s not fair.

“No burning my boyfriend! But, mind reading is off limits. Take a drink!”

“What are the rules of this game?” Mark sounds exasperated. Honestly, aside from my special rule for messing up the S sound, I don’t remember.

But that doesn’t stop me from joining Sasha as she insists, “Take a drink!” Sasha and me gang up on him. We are in the living room with us on the couch and him on the recliner. We both stand up to enforce the rule on him. Sasha easily reaches him and puts her beer can to his face. I want to help bully Mark, but I’m too short to reach his face from my standing position. So I crawl up into his lap and put my hands on his shoulders to hold him down so he can’t escape Sasha’s beer. “Drink it!”

There’s a look of surprise on his face, but he drinks the rest of Sasha’s beer. I giggle at his defeat by me and Sasha. I look to her to celebrate, but she’s just looking at me funny too. “Ith… hmmm! Is something on my face?” I forget for a moment why I’m asking the question, content with my success in saying it out loud.

Mark decides to hold me accountable. “No, but you need to take another drink.”

I stick my tongue out at him, and turn around to get my beer. Before I can hop off his lap though, Sasha hands me my beer and crawls into his lap as well. “Drink!”

I giggle at how Mark is being squished by us, and take another drink. Serves him right for being all perfect and stupid. Sasha laughs for some reason.

“James… do you still want to be James? I don’t mean that in a bad way. Just… it seems like, whatever happens, it’s all new from here. The only connection to your old life is me, and I’m fine with the new you. So… do you think you might want a new name?”

“New name? Like… what? Gobby the goblin?” I titter at my silly name.

“I was thinking more… cute. Like Melody, or Aria. Or Jane if you don’t want too big of a change.”

Those are funny names. Something’s off about them. Mark opens his stupid mouth. “Baby, I’m not sure he’s ready to move on from his old identity. And he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to.”

“I know that, I just think she might be better able to move from everything else if she embraces her new self.”

“His new body, yes, but it’s up to him to decide what his new identity is.” Wow… this **** is really hitting me. I giggle at their argument. I don’t really get it.

“Then let’s help her decide. Look at me real quick.” Sasha’s hand appears under my chin and nudges my face up towards her. Suddenly her lips are on mine. My eyes widen in shock. I hold still, letting her dominate my lips and even slip her tongue inside for a quick second. She pulls away, and looks deep into my eyes. “Did you like that?”

I’m too surprised to answer. I am having trouble processing what just happened. It felt familiar… but also different. She was always more aggressive, but I had the larger mouth so even my slight push back had large effects. Now I’m so much smaller than her, I doubt I could have stood up to her tongue if I’d tried.

“That’s not going to prove anything. He can be a boy or a girl and like kissing girls.” Mark is still defending my honor as a fellow man… oh. That’s what’s going on. My face feels like it’s on fire suddenly.

“Well maybe you should try kissing her?” My brain breaks. Mark? Me? Kissing? No! Nononononono… but. No! I shake my head. Sure, Mark is confident and driven. He has most of the same interests as me. He stands up to Sasha for me when she pressures me to do stuff I’m not comfortable with yet. And he’s handsome. But that’s why I hate him! He’s too perfect! He took Sasha from me! I feel dizzy, and I fall forward into Mark’s chest.

Sasha cuddles closer to Mark beside me, so we are both pressed to his chest. He took Sasha from me… but she’s here with me? And… we just kissed. So she’s not gone. She’s helping me figure out my life. And so is Mark.

“I’m not kissing her… him! He’s clearly too drunk to think straight. Let’s stop the game.” I hide my face by looking down into his chest, effectively cuddling into his chest just like Sasha.

“Fine… she looks tired anyways.” I feel her hand on my back, and she starts to gently rub me. I close my eyes and hope it helps with the dizziness.

“You need to stop teasing him. And not kiss your ex in front of your own boyfriend.”

Sasha giggles. “Jealous?” I feel her shift beside me, and I can hear the sounds of lips softly touching and parting ways, as Sasha affirms her love for Mark. Marks arm slowly shifts and pulls me closer to him… oh. He’s trying to hold Sasha close, but my body is in the way of one of his arms… so he’s just pushing us both closer together and holding us both. I look up tentatively, and see exactly what I expected. Mark and Sasha slowly kissing, eyes closed. And kissing.

I’m not sure I ever stopped blushing, but I definitely am doing it now. Sasha must have felt me move, because she looks down and smiles at me as I stare wide eyed at them. “What about you? Are you jealous of Mark? Or… of me?”

I… I should refute that immediately! I don’t like Mark! I don’t like the feeling of being in his arms, safe from everything going wrong in my life. I don’t like having someone to talk to about my random interests. I don’t like how he manages to understand me even when I know my words don’t actually explain what I mean. And… and! I still like Sasha! Even if she likes to tease me, she still always cares. She would never abandon me!

I feel the pressure building in my head. “I… I don’t know!” I hide my face again and start crying into Mark’s shirt.

Sasha pets my hair. “It’s okay, I’m not judging. I’ve seen the way you look at him. I like him too, and it’s not surprising we’d have similar tastes.”

Damn her and sounding reasonable while ignoring everything that makes that insane. “No! You… you’re thtupid!” I’m not wasting anymore thinking on this. I’m just going to hide for the rest of the night… while sitting on Mark’s lap and shoving my face into his broad chest… shit. I need an escape plan. Some way to get from here to my room. It’s really comfortable here, so hopefully I can keep that going. A blanket? No, don’t have one. Mark can move. He should carry me to my room! This is all his stupid face’s fault after all. And Sasha too! For kissing me! Now I’m all confused.

I pettily smack Mark’s chest with my tiny fist. “Room! Carry!” I feel Mark chuckle beneath me.

Sasha laughs as well. “What a bossy girl you are. And bossing around another girl’s boyfriend too!” She chuckles softly, a light giggle that I love hearing when it’s me trying to be funny.

Frustrated, I push against his chest and sit up, no longer hiding my face. And I see Mark and Sasha smiling at me.