Head on through the rough, narrow caves., by elmer7780

“Today we are having a blast from the past, Gina.”

“I hope we are blasting past this one.”

“pfft, not bad!”

“Just get on with it.”

“This time we are reading Head on through the rough, narrow caves., by elmer7780."

“A cave story? That’s new. Wait, is the title an innuendo?”

“No, it’s a branch in the story Cavern of Lust.”

“That sounds like an innuendo as well.”

“No Gina. This story was written all the way back in 2014. People where more innocent back then.”

“Ok, bit of a lame claim to fame but sure.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Yeah, stick to hunting rabbits.”

“Would you care to give the summary, Gina?”

“It’s about an adventurer spelunking trough a cave in search of treasure. He never finds it. The end.”

“Gina, please.”

“Ugghhh. Do, we really have to do this Marcie?”

“You know the answer to this. Besides there is a slime girl in it.”

In other words, getting caught by a slime is one sure way of drying up into skin and bones.

“You know, you have to really fucking try to ruin slime girls, but this fucking guy decided to rise to the challenge.”

“Well, luckily the one our adventurer befriends is on the more friendly side.”

this 'great' treasure that all of you foolish adventurers seek.

Seeing that I rarely get to talk to many foolish adventurers

Yes. I'll help you on your foolish endeavor

I will leave you to continue your foolish endeavor.

While it might be foolish,

waiting for the next foolish adventurer.

You've been foolish.

“Elmer really likes the world foolish. Everyone is a fool in this story.”

“If it was just the slime girl overusing that word it would be one thing, but the narration does it as well. In general, the author struggles a bit with variety. The Slime is called “the slime creature” all the time. If you don’t have a name for something, keep it simple.”

“Well, after a fuckton of slime creature we finally settle on a name for her. Blue. Very creative.”

“I actually really like that name though. It’s easy to remember and to the point. We can only hope that the author will keep this naming scheme up...pfft.”

“Spoiler: He won’t.”

"Ah, shit."

“This annoys me. Up until now the slime girl had a very distinct speaking pattern due to the fact that slimes don’t usually converse. I just don’t see her using the word “shit.””

“Or Marcie, that is just because the author’s a hack who can’t spell properly.”

“Alright, so Blue and Adventurer form a team to explore the caves. Blue serves as a sort of guide and will in exchange get Adventurer’s nutrients.”

“Cum, he has lots of that.”

“The way Blue protects the Adventurer is quite interesting, though.”

You let out a shaky breath. While Blue might mean well, this is definitely not what you expected. Lowering your head, you see that in addition to the jelly breasts, she is keeping the shape of your cock and even "extending" it with a bigger layer. With her coating, you look like some weird slime girl hermaphrodite.

“...haaaa…”

“I was expecting a bit more of an animated response from you, Gina.”

“Do I look like a monkey to you that screeches every time a dickgirl shows up?”

“Do you really want that question answered?”

“I’m just too tired to care. This whole story was exhausting.”

“Oh come on Gina. You have to admit the whole enveloped in slime thing is quite erotic.”

“It would, if the adventurer wasn’t a dude. Since he is I don’t give a fuck about it. I just want a story with a fucking slime girl fucking a female without any fucking dicks! Is that really too much to ask for? The concept is super sexy! Urghhh! Oh! And I don’t wanna hear it dickgirl guy! I know you probably have some slimestory in your trillion chapters, but I don’t caaaaaare! I know you fuck it up somehow!”

“There. Don’t you feel better now?”

“No.”

“...So! The two continue on their cave expedition.”

“Which mostly consists of Blue covering his body with slime and carrying him around inside of her like an overgrown fetus.”

“That is a very gross imagery, Gina.”

“But very fitting. I swear the guy is asleep or for at least half the fucking chapters. And the rest of them he spends cumming. Do something, you nameless waste of space!”

“It is a very specific fetish, but I suppose if you are into this type of gentle bondage-which Gina normally is-”

“Screw you! I told you I don’t care since it is a guy!”

“Ehem! All I am saying is that I can see the appeal...”

“After dealing with the slimes, Adventurer and Blue run into a succubus. These things are very dangerous because they steal mens souls and make them their slaves.”

“Perhaps the same could be said of all religions!”

“Ok, Marcie. Because Blue is a fucking badass they manage to defeat the Succubus. But not before Adventurer almost screws it up again. How the fuck is this guy not yet?”

“Turns out this wasn’t your average Succubus either but the queen of a nearby Succubi tribe."

“So, they befriend Queen succubus and went to her tribe and blaaaahhhh...”

“Gina?”

“It reminds me of that story with that autistic fuck on the island.”

“The teachings of Ty Lee?”

“No, that’s the edgy fuck.”

“Ah Lustyre?”

“Yeah, same shit here. The story just comes to a screeching halt as we meander around pointlessly.”

“Hm, I believe I have to explain this to our listeners. What transpires is that the Adventurer becomes the master of a Succubus and since this is a queen Succubus, you would think they would now be on easy street. However due to various circumstances which explaining would be to cumbersome, they are stuck in the Succubi village and have to convince another Succubus to let them go further. In order to do that, they need to enter Adventurers Mindscape. There, they must confront not only his past but also the succubus past. This reveals the tragic backstory of the succubus which then leads into an alternative reality where the adventurer is married to the Succubus when she was still human. We then learn that the village, not the succubus one the one in the mindscape, is about to be attacked and...”

“Oh for fucks Marcie, I’m falling asleep!”

“That’s good because in order to enter the mindscape you have to dream.”

“At least that gives an excuse for the adventurers constant fainting.”

You realize it with a sad smile. The only thing that isn't taken away is your mug which seemed to have refilled itself. You take a swig and plop it on the table, but the sound isn't as good as it was with two people slamming it down.

“I really like this paragraph. It has a nice sense of melancholy and loss to it.”

“It’s boring as fuck, Marcie. I don’t give a fuck about adventurer and these pathetic attempts to make me care for him ain’t doing shit.”

“Hm, to be honest I can see where you coming from, Gina. It is a rather ponderous read. For what it is worth, I don’t think it is quite as tedious as Lustyre.”

“Big accomplishment, that one had five times as many chapters of fuck all happening.”

“But it is true that ever since the group entered Succubus village the pacing has gone down the drain. This was about the halfway point of the 40+ available chapters and as of the latest chapter the Succubus village arc is nowhere near done.”

“And guess what? All for fucking nothing. Last chapter was released over three years ago so safe to say the author has no clue how to continue this.”

“That is the most likely conclusion, yes. Aside from the pacing I found there was bit too much redundancy. You know, when the dialog tells the exact same thing as the narrative?”

“Narration is for chumps.”

“But I do think that in the four years this story was published you could see an improvement in the writing style, even if the pacing bogs it down.”

“I like Blue.”

“That is nice, Gina.”

“Shut up! I mean, this could have been not shit! The chemistry between Adventurer and Blue was good! They could have just keep going trough the cavern and meet many different monster girls! None of this mind dream bullshit! Author you fuck, why did you just decide to fuck it all up?”

“I take it you didn’t masturbate to it, Gina?”

“Obviously not.”

“Yes, me neither. Despite the narrations claim of:

It can be said that you've put up with a lot of humiliation and near- experiences within this ancient ruin.

Nothing in it was really that humiliating for me. And look, I get it, getting carried around within a slime like a baby while Blue controls everything for you, including your mouth, can be rather demeaning. But for me it was more comfy then humiliating. My cravings require a bit more spice to get me off."

“Yeah, thanks for the thoroughly unneeded explanation, Marcie. We are about done here?”

“Yes, I believe so. With all the many fantasy stories we covered I would put this one around the middle. Below Monster Girl Harem but definitely above Adventurer’s Peril.”

“Yeah, sure, yawn.”

“Who knows? Maybe we will feature this author again to see if he improved?”

“I can hardly contain my excitement.”

“Well, Gina is clearly very cranky right now, so I think it is best to wrap it up.”

“Am not.”

“Good night.”