He Checks Her Out

Pulling her closer, he palmed her chest.

The lack of surprise on her face was something he was slowly getting used to.

His hands encountered something harder than expected. Perhaps the result of the clothes she was wearing? Or perhaps it was the result of the bra she was probably wearing AND the shirt-like piece of clothing over that which was causing her chest to feel fairly solid and unmalleable.

While he had little experience with the chests of females himself, he was fairly certain they were supposed to feel of a different consistency.

"Now if only you could put in that kind of brainpower towards figuring out how your earrings work, you would have been further into figuring them both out."

Expertly ignoring the voice in his head for one that had only had to experience a voice in their head for half a day, Naruto palmed the woman's chest harder, digging his fingers in into the chest area of her outfit.

While this did yield some results such as his fingers sinking in, it also led to her wincing.

Staring at her in curiosity after the wince, he asked "Why did you wince?"

"Because you were trying to crush my breasts with how hard you were holding them," came her monotonous voice.

... Well, apparently the Icha Icha books were wrong about just holding them harder to cause more pleasure. He wouldn't have doubted them being wrong so fast if not for the fact that he had seen the author of those particular books himself.

While not something most would believe, Naruto had occasionally wondered if the man was actually a virgin even after all of his claims.

'What next? First the books are wrong about that and next I'll find out that vaginas are not black holes that can take penises the size of people into them?'

"Human... I do not even possess sexual reproduction organs and I know so much of that is wrong."

'Well, what would you do if you were in my situation?'

"I would unseal the soul inside of you that does not belong to you while giving it access to its own chakra."

Naruto froze for a second, markings appearing on his face before disappearing. Then he unfroze.

'Sorry, did you say something?'

"No. I suppose I never said anything."

Shrugging, Naruto went back to dealing with the woman.

Holding the zipper, he pulled it down until it hit the belt-like attachment the woman was wearing.

Guess this would have to do. He didn't quite feel like tearing it all off because he still wasn't sure how people would react to this.

Sure, they'd likely react to her nudity as if it were "normal" while she was with him—he hoped—but what about after he left? Would they still somehow find it normal because he did it?

Or would she suffer because of him? Not that he was one to talk considering what he was doing currently...

With the zipper low, he was allowed the ability to move her shirt to either sides of her chest.

His heart rate quickened along with his breathing at thought of soon having access to the first set of naked, real boobs he'd see.

Black. Ah, a bra.

It was a very thick one. He felt the beginnings of disappointment. It was likely that she wore it to make her chest look bigger when in public.

But still, Naruto was hopeful she'd have something after removing it. It was thick, but she still had some boobs behind it. Once he removed the bra, with not as much difficulty as one would think because of his MANY hours with a little jutsu of his that he kept a secret from his mother and sisters at all costs—aka the Sexy Jutsu—he suddenly felt all his manly hopes and dreams burn.

Bra pad. A very thick bra pad. She had gone hard when it came looking like she had some chest when wearing clothes when the reality was anything but.

He felt lied to.

"Welcome to the real world, human."

If this was the real world, he didn't want to be here.

The woman just stared at him apathetically as his mind broke over just how much his initial estimation for her chest size had been a lie.

Then he noticed her red hair and his boner grew. Yeah, the hair definitely made up for the boobs.

As if the voice couldn't allow him to ever enjoy himself, it spoke, "Are you sure about that?"

Naruto's blood ran cold at those words. He didn't know why, but the absolute surety in its tone that something would go wrong freaked him out.

'It's red hair. What could possibly go wrong?' he demanded mentally.

"A wise, or potentially depressed, suicidal, ape once told me, 'Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.'"

"Huh... That sorta sounds wise?"

"Eh, it didn't make him taste any better when I ate him."

Naruto wondered if the voice ate one of the summons of the Sarutobi clan. Then decided to move past that as he didn't wish to imagine that.

Ignoring the woman's slowly stiffening nipples, which would have been the high point of his day, he slowly looked at her head, trying to see any hints of falsities there as well.

Nothing. It was all red.

Sighing in relief, he mentally replied, 'See. She's a redhead.'

There was no reply. Naruto figured he beat the voice.

In reality, it was still assured of its victory and was simply waiting for Naruto to provide evidence of it.

While the boobs had been a disappointment to the point of Naruto not even wanting to touch the twin pieces of lies on her chest—at least not until he had explored more of her body—he still had other body parts he yearned to see.

Grabbing a thigh, he marvelled over the softness and smoothness of it. So this was what a woman's thigh felt like.

Slowly tracing his hand on her skin upwards, his hand finally met the waistband of her shorts. His other hand did the same on the other side of her hips.

He pulled. He held a breath as his first view of womanhood was seconds away from view.

The shorts slowly, TANTALISINGLY, slid down. His tongue slipped out to lick at his suddenly dry lips as he grew nervous and more excited.

And then, with a final yank, he took them down all the way to her ankles.

He didn't even get to enjoy what he came down there to see as he saw brown hair first.

'Bu-bu-brown?' he mentally stuttered.

Her pubic hair was brown!? His boner didn't so much wilt as it died off.

"But... but... bu-bu-but," he started stuttering in shock as his eyes went from the red hair on her head to her brown pubic hair. This went on for well over ten seconds.

It went on for long enough that even the voice in his head got tired of it. "This is a world of lies, boy. The sooner you accept this, the better. Being this shocked at such a simple thing is insulting to one who is my jinc—" it cut itself off, not wishing to aggravate the seals that would activate if it tried to tell him what it was; what he was.

Luckily, the shell shocked blond did not notice the slip-up.

Suddenly, it looked like he had an epiphany. 'Oh, I think I got it.'

"Well, better late than never."

'She dyed her pubic hair brown for some reason!'

An incredibly loud slamming sound was heard in his mind. He heard it eight more times afterwards.

'Every damn day I wish I had killed all the humans despite my creator's wishes.' Unfortunately, now it was too late. They had gained too much power for even it to do that.'

And so it had to deal with stupidity the likes of which it could not fathom from humans like its host.

It would offer the human one line of advice. A proverb of sorts, in fact. Perhaps the boy would understand words of his own race better than the words of the fox better than humans.

"You read many of those perverted books, did you not?"

'Please don't tell mom I read the Icha Icha books!' The blood drained from his face.

Ignoring his response, it continued, "Then perhaps you know of this particular saying from it: Does the carpet match the drapes?"

"Oh..." If the hair colour seemed to good to be true, it likely was a lie. And, in most cases, no one bothered to also change their pubic hair's colour.

The truth of the matter wasn't that she had dyed her pubic hair brown like he had desperately, and foolishly, hoped. It was that she had done a remarkable job dying her hair on her head red.

"In a village where that whore is seen next to the Hokage, many would seek to emulate her in ways such as matching hair colours."

Naruto walked away some time later, the woman having gone long ago once his grip on her loosened completely. She had simply fixed her clothing, looking apathetic while doing it, and had simply gone on her way while he stayed devastated that he wouldn't get to touch the body of a natural redhead.