He's troubled, of course.

Darkness blurred the edges of Adam's vision and he felt lightheaded. It took him a moment to realize that he was having a panic attack. He steadied himself in his chair, planted his feet on the ground, and took a deep breath.

"Maria, we need to get you checked out. I think you may be really messed up." He didn't add that he could be facing termination or even jail time.

Maria, of course, disagreed. "Are you kidding? This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Don't you dare take it back."

"You don't understand, Maria." Adam's voice was shrill with desperation. He tried fruitlessly to suppress it. "You're not thinking clearly. We've got to fix this before you make a really bad decision. Please, Maria... you have to-"

"Knock, knock!" came a chipper voice from the doorway. They turned to see one of Adam's co-conspirators, Amanda, standing in the door. The petite brunette was uncharacteristically enthusiastic, but Adam and Maria were too distracted to notice. "How's it going this morning?"

"Amanda!" Adam cried. "Thank God you're here! I think our prank went wrong. Maria's really messed up."

"Is that so?" Amanda asked, sizing up the haunted woman. "What do you think, Maria? Did our prank go wrong?"

"It went completely wrong!" Maria said. "I don't know what you expected, but everything is going my way. If this is your idea of a prank, you can prank me anytime. Maybe prank me by giving me twenty bucks or mowing my lawn for me. That would show me!"

"See?" Amanda said, sauntering in to stand next to Maria. "She's fine. No harm, no foul."

Adam grabbed Amanda's arm and pulled her aside. "She's not fine," he hissed under his breath. "She can't fucking control herself! She's liable to do anything like this. Do you have any idea how much trouble we're in? What if she goes on a crime spree or something?"

His heart sank at Amanda's reply. "Oh, we won't be in any trouble," she said loudly. She turned and gestured to Maria. "And there's no need for secrets here. We can say whatever we want to this stupid cunt and it won't bother her in the slightest. Right, Maria?"

"I normally don't like being called a cunt, but right now it's exactly what I was hoping for," Maria said gleefully. "God, this is awesome!"

"See?" Amanda said. "She's happy. I'm happy. Why are you so upset? Is it because I carefully left a paper trail pointing to you as the sole perpetrator of this little 'prank'? Or is it because I can do this?"

She punched Maria hard on the back of the head. Maria yelped in pain and doubled over before righting herself and chuckling. Amanda then slapped her across the face and raised her fist to deliver another blow before Adam caught her arm.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he cried.

"Giving her a few more wins. Isn't that right, Maria?"

Maria was rubbing her reddening cheek, tears of pain in her eyes. "Absolutely! Fuck, that really hurt. If it wasn't exactly what I was hoping you'd do, I'd kick your ass. You're lucky you happened to hit me right when I wanted to be hit."

"I think you're the lucky one," Amanda laughed. "After all, it's all smooth sailing from here on out. No more bad luck or shitty days for the rest of your life!"

Adam stared at her, his face sallow and drawn. "But- but it was only supposed to be for a week!" he sputtered.

"How is he this slow?" Amanda asked Maria. Before she could answer, the researcher continued. "It didn't strike you as suspicious that the only other junior divinologist approached you with an offer to 'prank' your officemate?"

"But why?" Adam demanded. "What did she do to you?"

Before she could answer, Galatea reappeared at the entrance with a cup of steaming coffee. She handed it to Adam with a demure smile.

"I'm sorry, none of the milk was expired," she told Maria. "I personally burnt the grounds for ten minutes, then oversteeped it. It should be quite unpleasant. Do you need anything else?"

Maria crumpled up a piece of paper and tossed it at the golem, hitting it directly between the eyes. Galatea didn't flinch, but smiled apologetically.

"I'm sorry, but I must report your conduct to your supervisor. Although you did not harm me, company policy dictates that all golems are to be treated with the utmost-"

Maria interrupted her brusquely. "Shut the fuck up and get out of here, sweet tits." The golem nodded and left. Maria turned to her coworker's with a broad smile. "And you two nerds can shut up too. I'm gonna go see what other lucky breaks are coming my way."