Harem Hotel: Collage

“Ok, it’s cow guy again with some more cow fuckery!”

“Let us see if after our very fair and balanced critique he improved. I somewhat doubt it, given by that slanderous answer chapter.”

“The only thing I took away from that one is that they like me more. Which is obvious.”

“Well, Gina, I suppose your clownish antics resonate more with the common dregs then my sophisticated reviewing skills.”

“Oh and the Susan thing. Well, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s part of my tragic backstory. And unlike a certain someone I don’t want to waste everyone’s time with flashbacks.”

“Susan used to be Gina’s lackey, who betrayed her to me. A rather unpleasant person, although some readers have a disturbing obsession with her. It has been years now but Gina can be quite revengeful.”

“SHUT UP!”

“Yes, I suppose none of the other complaints are worth addressing. Let us begin this follow up proper, shall we?”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“You know, Gina, wrynn’s insistence to spell “college” as “collage”, as frustrating as it is, is rather fitting. What we just read was quite the collage.”

“Holy fuck, over 50 chapters of this and its just slice of life bullshit!”

“This section took part in the second week of Harem Hotel, which is again focused on the dates, but not just the dates, we also get the girls daily life in the interim.”

“Which means each date takes like a billion chapter and it slows everything down to a fucking crawl!”

“You know Gina, I was actually expecting you to somewhat enjoy this.”

“Are you screwing with me, Marcie?”

“No but these girls are. Each other.”

“Yeah, but they are too nice! Everyone is too nice in this fucking story! Even the readers are fucking pussies who don’t pick the transformations that have the potential to make things more interesting! If this keeps going like this I’m going to puke rainbows!”

“While the readers are their usual blend of reprehensible, the main blame has to be laid at wrynn. He has an almost uncanny talent to pick the most boring option. For example one of the girls activates a trap card:”

Exaggeration: A random transformation will be increased to a humorous degree for the next seven hours.

"God fucking damnit!" her yell echoed about the small empty room. What now, she wondered? Nothing seemed off yet. Then she realized her cheer top was growing tight as her implants slowly expanded.

“For fucks sake, cow guy.”

“Both the other transformations would have been more interesting picks then “comically large boobs”."

"Yeah, but its Cow Guy, so we gotta have boobs in there somehow."

"As another example, there is also an instance were one of the twins essentially receives a body control device.”

“And then it’s the boring twin who got that! She barely uses it!”

“...she used to be your favorite last time, Gina.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right. What the fuck happened?”

“There is a bit of Homogeneity going on in this story.”

“You got that right.”

“...I mean the girls slowly drift together in terms of personality. Most of the girls character trait is that they are nice. Some of them are a bit ruder then the others, like Stacy but they still fall under that general niceness umbrella. This process was already happening in our last batch of chapters. Most prominently with Susan and Gabriella.”

“Fuck.”

“They even bring in an elf as co-host to somewhat spice things up a bit. But she gets taking in with all of the girls almost immediately. Meaning we are back to the daily life of nice girls.”

“Like, you want to all be goodie-two shoes? Fine. But at least try to screw each other over!”

“That is an oxymoron Gina.”

“You’re an ox moron!”

“...well, look. You can be competitive without turning into a complete monster. The twins are the biggest gremlins on the show and they seem to have an unspoken accord that messing with each other is perfectly fine but even that barely happens.”

“The story even skips the underwater sex! What kinda story does that!”

“That is not the only sex scene they skip. We also do not get the stuffed unicorn scene and by the way, merely by this I can deduce that wrynn is polish.”

“Ok, Marcie.”

“However, we will have to address one particular aspect of this batch of chapters that bucks this trend of boring slop and that is Shar’s backstory.”

“Ugh.”

“Shar, the current host, used to be a contestant on a previous show and these chapters detailing her trials and tribulations are excellent. I even learned her name out of respect. Be grateful.”

“Didn’t you always bitch about how awful flashbacks are?”

“I have a rather strong distaste towards them, yes. Some readers in the comments even complained about them. Flashbacks should if possible be avoided.”

“Then what the fuck is your point, Marcie?”

“They were interesting.”

“They were extremely fucked up!”

“Yes, that show was a lot more vicious. But because of this, these seven chapters(out of 58 we read) were the most interesting part of this batch.”

“I just thought they were depressing as fuck. Like Agnes gets turned into a cow and Tonya ends up as blow up doll. Then there is this fucking Sisyphus guy.”

“Wrong Greek mythological figure, Gina.”

“Whatever, I hate him.”

“I like Steven, wrynn did a really good job in making him more pathetic then actual evil. It is probably a fairly accurate representation of how most ordinary people would act in such a situation.”

“I wouldn’t!”

“Well, yes, Gina. But you are not exactly the benchmark of ordinary.”

“I don’t like the tone with which you said that, Marcie. And anyways, I don’t get the hype. Aren’t you just liking it because the main story is so lame?”

“The thought occurred to me, Gina. But even taking that into account, the writing is solid. The pacing is of course rapid, this is still a flashback after all. But wrynn still manages to evoke that gut wrenching feeling that so far I only got from Dissonant’s branch. Even the names are better.”

“Yeah, too bad it’s not the focus.”

“Alas, there is the crux of the matter. The actual focus is on a bunch of girls having fun. This is nice for a bit. But that is not enough for a story. It lacks spice."

“It just is the same thing over and over again!”

“To be honest, I have the feeling wrynn is winging most of this writing. That can work. But he really needs to trim the fat. In addition, some tension needs to be present. This tension does not have to be a life or **** situation. It can absolutely come in the form of a friendly competition with stakes just high enough to create some friction. Make the loser receive a very embarrassing but ultimately harmless punishment. Something that causes the contestant to actually compete with each other. Right now, the general tone of the show is that everyone is a winner and when everyone is a winner..."

“Yeah, yeah Marcie, quit your blabbering. You haven’t even gotten to the worst part yet!”

“Hmm...the spelling errors? Well, I did mention collage at least…”

“This fucker spoiled the other seasons!”

“He did?”

“Dakota apparently became a host? What the fuck? How did that happen? What about Sylvia?”

“Oh.”

“Curse you cow guy! You pay for that!”

“Well, at any rate we managed to make it through all the dates. And are finally about to start the challenge.”

“This better be good.”

“But since we have already read more then enough chapters…”

“What!”

“My, Gina. Don’t tell me you want to read more?”

“I-it’s just...I mean stopping here would be annoying!”

“hm, yes, yes, if you insist.”

“Eh, challenge is just around the corner, shouldn’t take long.”

“But first we have to go through some fan mail.”

“WHAT THE FUCK! THIS SHIT TAKES AGES! THIS HADRIC FUCKER WRITES WAY TOO MUCH!”

“It does drag a bit.”

“AND THE FUCKING SPOILERS CONTINUE TOO! WHAT THE FUCK! SYLVIA BECOMES A WHAT?”

“Oh dear. This is worse then when Joffrey spoiled House of the Dragon.”

“ugh, fucking hell cow guy! And after all this it finally gets to the challenge...WHICH IS FUCKING MONOPOLY!”

“I think what you meant to say was...Cumopoly. By the way, can we talk about this pun?”

“No. First challenge was better.”

“Yes, I unfortunately have to agree. Monopoly is of course a game of chance, so by its very nature the amount of strategy is limited. Still, you could make this work, What really ruins it, is the complete lack of drive to win from the contestants.”

“Tracy even throws the game in the end!”

“Indeed. Also another host joins for this game, which could led to some tension but it does not. Nimue is as nice as her two predecessors. Or everyone else in this blasted castle.”

“Ugh, let’s just get to the transformations.”

“Which...at this points are just boons? I mean Carla and Kim ended up in last place but two of their three transformations are an upgrade and the third is a mild inconvenience.”

“What the actual fuck cow guy?”

“And even if there is a mildly interesting transformation in there, the readers will not vote for it. This is really just about girls having a good time now."

“Urp!”

“Gina?”

“This is too wholesome! I can’t stand it! BLAAAARGGHHHH!”

“NOT ON MY LIMITED EDITION FIGURINE OF EMPEROR EMYR VAN EMREIS!”

…

..

.

“Well, this certainly appears to be a fitting stopping point. I doubt Gina is in any capacity of reading more.”

“Fucking hell, cow guy...are you trying to kill meeeee…?”

“At this point it is most likely too late for a course correction. For what it is worth, this branch remains decently popular with receiving about ten likes per chapter. A very respectable number for a story above 100 chapters.”

“Blaaaahhh…”

“Whelp, time to cure Gina from excessive amounts of wholesomeness. I think I do it by making her clean the mess she just made...with her tongue.”