Guidance and Garnishes

On the third day of the round, Stella was up early and went to the dining hall at dawn, as she usually did. Each morning since Genet had offered her the responsibility she’d checked the menu and tried to prepare for whatever marinade, slow cooking, or other extended prep lunch or dinner might need. Then she’d began working on breakfast, often with the help of Genet. It was nice, working alongside her. The host had a way of knowing where she’d be most helpful, consistently offering an ingredient as Stella was about to get it and never colliding with her like she’d sometimes deal with when Luna tried to help, or a newer employee at the Fence&Post. It felt nice having someone so in sync with her, in a way that she had only experienced with her mom.

In that way, it felt like something was missing with Genet off at the wedding none of them had been invited to. The kitchen was quiet at dawn, the goddess’s humming and laughter absent.

The sound of flint being struck as another cigarette being lit pierced Stella’s melancholic wandering thoughts. She’s Genet’s sister. Maybe she’d like it?

Stella stepped back into the dining room, where Bo was sitting at the corner table by the staircase again. “L-lady Bo?” She called out.

“Yes, Doll?” Her smoky voice asked.

“Would you like to cook with me today? You don’t have to, but-”

“You don’t want me.”

“No, no, I do!” Stella scrambled to reassure her. “Genet and I were able to bond together during our morning time, and I’d like to offer you what she offered me.”

“Maybe I should rephrase that. You shouldn’t want me.”

“Why not?”

“Because you shouldn’t risk poisoning half your friends.”

Stella unconsciously took a half-step back towards the kitchen. “Why would you want to poison us?”

“I don’t want to. That’s why I’m telling you not to let me in the kitchen.”

“If you don’t want to, then… just don’t do it?”

Bo took a long puff from her cigarette as she decided how to explain. “How much has Genet explained about how we work?”

“I think I understand. She said that she lives because of the kindness of humanity. She’s supposed to be a goddess of what people do for each other.”

“All true. Anything about acting against our nature?”

Stella tried to think. “I… think so? It sounds familiar, but I don’t really remember.”

An ashtray materialized in front of Bo and she set her cigarette down on the edge. “We’re all latching onto ideas nowadays. We have our domains that we’ve carried for centuries, but our identity gets interpreted through whatever culture we’ve decided to join.

"Genet has always been a maternal figure. Governess, nanny, wife, 'best friend’s hot mom,' that sort of thing. The cultural inertia of that role gives her health and power. That’s why she can’t do something she doesn’t think is helpful. It goes against both her domain and her role.

“I, on the other hand, am a goddess of 'revenge against those you loved.' That gives me access to different roles. When I finally decided to join the others in America and I found your crime and noir films that were dominating the theatres at the time, I loved them. They offered me a dozen mugs I could switch between. The wronged dame, the black widow, the tapster with a head full of stories, the mobster’s wife, I could go on and on. But if the mobster’s wife is baking cookies, she sure as shit isn't doing it for the bake sale.”

Stella swallowed, trying to understand. “So… you can’t cook for us because it goes against your ‘role’?”

“I could do it, sure. But half of you skirts have done something to make each other cry, even ignoring any fights someone’s had with your hawkshaw. If you have me working on a guilty woman’s meal, my trigger finger will feel awfully itchy. If I don’t indulge it, I’ll feel terrible until I balance the scales. If I do indulge it… I’d rather be swimming in the harbor with cement shoes than face Genet’s reaction.”

“Would you just want to sit in the kitchen while I work, then?” Stella asked.

Bo took another long drag of her cigarette, blowing a thick ring of smoke before responding. “You miss her, don’t you?”

“I- yes. I always liked having my alone time in the morning, but…”

“Genet broke your sense of independence. I’ve seen it before. Lady Bo will keep you company.” The substitute host stood up and began slowly stepping towards the kitchen.

Stella pointed at the cigarette. “Would you mind putting that out while you’re in the kitchen?”

Bo scowled, before throwing her smoke in a trash can that moved to catch it. She then pulled a bottle of gin from behind her back, undoing the cap and taking a swig before she joined the anxious chef.

Stella went back to what she was doing before she heard Bo arrive, preparing the crepe batter so it could chill properly before everyone else arrived. She was working by herself, which was fine even if Genet made things easier. She’d done most of her ‘fun cooking’ by herself for years. The substitute host sat in the corner nursing her bottle, every now and then asking a question about the chef’s past or saying something that revealed her own cooking naivete.

Bo wasn’t Genet. But she was trying.

***

Just over an hour later, Richard and his girlfriend Aubrey were waking in each other’s arms. She was conscious a few minutes before him, but decided to lie still and relax in the moment for as long as she could.

Her master woke on his own, his hold on her tightening as he began to recall all that had happened the day before. She nuzzled his neck, admitting that she was awake.

“Morning.” It came out muffled, her face buried in his pajamas.

“Morning, Aubs.”

She made a noise.

“What?”

She whined into him, and under her golden locks Richard could picture her pouting.

“Did I do something? Do you not like that pet name anymore?”

“It’s still… nice.” She tried to explain. “Last night’s was just special.”

“Alright, Honeybee.” His girlfriend let out a contented sigh. “Thank you again, for your honesty last night. I could tell how hard that story was for you.”

“I thought it was important to finally tell you. I’m trying to work on being more open and mature, so… I should’ve told you years ago.”

“Yeah, but I’m still glad you told me at all. I promise, I’ll always choose you. You never have to worry about me running or abandoning you.”

Aubrey squeezed his hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Want to take a shower together?”

Another forty minutes later, the two of them walked into the dining hall. Helena and Hazel were at one corner of the room, at the leftward of the two tables by the door. Maeve was at the right middle table, with a book she put down as they entered. She gently beckoned them over. But there was competition for one of their attention.

“Hey, Aubrey.” Helena called out. “Would you mind helping us with something we’re planning for today?”

“I- sure.” She turned to her boyfriend. “I’ll catch up with you later. I had a really nice time with you yesterday.”

He nodded, and sat down with Maeve.

“Good morning, Richard.”

“Morning.”

His therapist looked at him slowly. “Do you have any plans or hopes for our date today?” She lingered over the word date, placing her hands over his.

Richard found himself blushing as she leaned towards him. “No, I don’t. Was there something you were looking forward to?”

“I’m not sure yet. After you’re done with breakfast, I’d like to tell you about what Luna wanted me to share yesterday. It feels like a private conversation, so if you’d allow it I’d like to tell you outside when we reach the topic.”

“Sure.”

“Thank you. Was there anything on your mind? Did your date with Aubrey go well?”

He glanced over his shoulder for a moment, checking to see if the blonde was paying attention to them. Her back was turned to them both, from what he could see she was busy sketching some sort of diagram. “It really did. Towards the end of the night, she told me a story about her mom. She said she shared it with you already. Would you mind if we discussed that? I’d always known there was something since she skirted around the topic, but it makes a lot of things make sense. After she fell asleep I was thinking about how it changes the context of almost all of our disagreements in the past.”

Maeve nodded and bid him to elaborate. He started going backwards, starting with what they’d both seen on the island. The way she’d needed it to be someone’s fault when he broke up with her, and that it was somehow everyone’s fault but his. Stella had dropped off his peanut butter, chocolate, and banana crepe during that part of the discussion. He’d finished eating during a long back and forth with her, retracing some of their old conversations before the breakup about when Richard had stayed an extra night in DC to meet his friends and disappointed his girlfriend. It’d ended where their relationship began.

“I always thought Evan was the beginning of the problems. Maybe he was, and she was able to handle what happened with her mom before he awakened something. But I’ve become Evan now. I don’t understand why she isn’t letting herself realize it, but what I’m doing is worse than Evan ever did to her. And I don’t even feel bad about it until I stop and linger on it. Which- god, does that make me worse than Evan?”

“Stop.” Maeve ordered. His therapist moved one hand to his shoulder, gently pulling him in as she kept her other hand containing his. “Evan was her ex-boyfriend, correct?” She’d heard the story recently from Aubrey’s perspective, but it had still been weeks ago now.

“Yes.”

“Richard, you are not worse than Evan. He chose infidelity when he had every choice not to. You… yes. You have developed romantic or sexual attachments to almost everyone here. But you made those attachments outside of your own fully free will, as did each of us. As I’ve reminded you before when you had yet to make these commitments, the only alternative was allowing people to be Eliminated. You, Hazel, and Luna have each told me pieces of how you narrowly avoided that happening to Helena. If you could rewind to the night we came to prevent every morally questionable action you’ve taken and let it be just you and Aubrey here gradually reforging your relationship, but the only catch is that you lose your stepsister, do you think you would ever be willing to take that deal?”

“Never.” He answered immediately.

“As I would hope. You have made compromises. But there’s nothing I’ve heard that I would outright reprimand you for. And there is no one on this island that is not happier for their time with you here. Your own enjoyment of your time here, whether with Aubrey or someone else, is not itself a moral failing. Is there anything I’ve said that you disagree with?”

Richard shook his head, though he still looked uneasy.

“I think I should tell you what was discussed before you arrived, though its importance is an additional reason to talk outside.”

Her patient agreed to that, and after they both put their dishes away they went out just outside the dining hall. The sound of Genet’s swan fountain provided an additional layer of secrecy.

Maeve began explaining the rest of what she thought of his concerns about his girlfriend. “Do you remember how I offered to help during our challenge discussion? I spoke to Helena, and she’s offered to spend a significant portion of the afternoon of her day helping as well. After lunch she and I will get everyone interested together to discuss each of your partner’s differences and what our contrasting visions of life together look like. You and I will be there to keep things calm. Helena and I both think that this is our best way to have her consider the truth without it becoming a fight.”

“I… thank you.” I should talk to Felicia first, to make sure she’d take things gently. But if Hel and the two of us can’t, it probably isn’t possible. “I appreciate your effort. I’ll need to thank Hel too later. What was the other thing that you wanted privacy for?”

“Yes.” Maeve sighed, having hoped he might have one more question to stall this topic. “As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I included myself amongst your romantic and sexual attachments. I know, or at least I hope, that we can move towards something more serious. The other night you expressed that you agreed with my growing interest in children, but weren’t ready for it that night. After you left the room I took the semen out of Luna and wiped it inside of myself.”

“Oh.”

Oh. That was all he said. “Are you upset? You have every right to be-”

“I’m not upset.” He reassured her. But the look on his face strained his credulity.

“So how do you feel about what I told you then?” Stop that. You’re overwhelming him.

“I don’t know,” Richard said. Her patient retreated, taking a step back from her. Then another. “I think I need some time to rethink how I see you.”

“Alright. Take your time.” I’m sorry. Maeve wanted to talk more with him, make him stay until she understood where his head was at and try to placate him. But that was more likely to make things worse, as much as she wanted it. So she let him go, and just prayed that he’d be willing to talk by lunch.

She went back inside, and found Stella sitting at the same table that she had left her book at. The therapist gingerly sat down in front of her roommate, still ashamed of what she’d done the day before.

“Morning.” Stella greeted warmly.

“Good morning.” She returned. “I want to repeat my apology for my actions the day before. The way Luna and I carried on in front of you was shameful, and the way I used you to get her attention was worse. I appreciate your efforts to be understanding.”

Stella offered a weak smile. “I mean, I was never bothered by you two kissing in front of me. It happens, and between what Felicia said last night to defend you and how noisy you were after you fell asleep last night again, it’s hard to blame you for being affected by my Hearth Warmer thing. The way you were talking about me hurt but… I’m trying to remember Mores. You’ve got a lot to deal with.”

“Thank you all the more.” Maeve’s face burned at the knowledge that she’d done anything at all in her sleep. Hopefully it had just been moaning and not anything more active. Maeve thought. I can’t believe that has become the best case scenario. Then one more word caught her attention. Again? “You said that I was ‘noisy in my sleep again?’ That implies there were other times I did so?”

“Yes?”

“Please elaborate.”

“It happened the night after the challenge too. For about a half hour after you fell asleep both nights, then it waned after that. Did you not- oh.”

“What. Did I do something worse?”

“No. This one’s actually on me.” Stella rubbed her neck sheepishly as she fished out her phone to show Maeve. "I hadn’t really been paying attention to it, but I think the other transformation I got this round was doing a lot more than I thought.”

Maeve read the description of Free Thinker’-ert.

Free Thinkn’t-er: Stella’s always had to be careful to protect herself, it’s how she was raised. But in many ways recently, she’s been unchained from the fears she grew up with and is free to think about herself and her own desires… or not think. This transformation takes away her sense of shame around doing or discussing sexual things.

This must be why she’s forgiving me so easily, and why she didn’t think to mention my… nighttime activities… right away. Maeve realized. She chose not to mention the first part, not sure if it had occurred to her roommate as the second part had. “Does it bother you?”

“Not really?” Stella said. “I’m mostly worried about saying something like I did a moment ago and upsetting people.”

“What if when you were around someone that knew about this, we used a word to cue you to consider how it might be affecting you if we notice?” Maeve suggested. She’d offered a similar strategy to people trying to curb unconscious habits like trichotillomania.

Stella nodded, then thought for a second. “Garnish, maybe?”

“Sure. As long as you’ll remember what it means.”

“I think I should. Thank you for the idea.”

“I’d gladly help, especially to help atone for how I treated you yesterday. Even if Mores and Fuckways influenced me to do it, I still should have had the self control to stop it. So if I can help in any other ways, please let me know.”

The pinkette paused. “If you’re willing, Ava had a few ideas she suggested yesterday on figuring out what conditions Hearth Warmer would or wouldn’t activate on. Once Luna arrives, would you two mind helping me test it before your date?”

Maeve turned scarlet once more, her gaze falling to the table as she thought about what being a test subject for the transformation would entail. “I’d imagine that Luna would gladly agree to help with that once she arrives.”