Ground Zero

About ninety minutes later I found myself back on my knees in Barbara's office, the events of the lunch still vivid in my mind. Like similar humiliations that Barbara had put me through over the past two years it was generating an avalanche of complex and conflicting emotions. As shameful and degrading as the experience had been I couldn't deny that at some level it had also been tremendously thrilling. Who does what I had just done? Who lives like that?

One thing I knew for certain was that my life under Barbara's control was never boring or uneventful. My experiences as a mailgirl felt like they had been chaotically splashed from a palette of vivid colors into my memory like an abstract painting. By contrast, memories from my previous life tended to blend into muted tones as if sketched with chalk. But could I continue to live like this without eventually surrendering my individuality and identity completely? Would there ever be a path back from that place if I did? On the other hand could I ever return to being just another "norm" spinning on a hamster wheel chasing a prize that wouldn't necessarily make me any happier even if I caught it? After two years of this I still felt as confused as ever about what I really wanted.

"What did you think of Teri?" Barbara asked from behind her desk. We were alone now, Bill and Ted having returned to their hotel after lunch. She'd been ignoring me while working quietly on her laptop so the sudden question startled me out of my thoughts.

"Ma'am?"

"Teri. Our waitress at lunch. She was very pretty wasn't she?"

"Yes ma'am, she was."

"You probably couldn't see her face but you should have seen how she looked at you," Barbara chuckled. "At one point it looked like she wished she could trade places with you. She was absolutely fascinated with the whole scene so I handed her a Mailgirls business card as we left. I'm willing to bet we hear from her in the next week. Two weeks tops."

"Yes ma'am." Barbara was seldom wrong about these things so I wouldn't have bet against her.

Barbara got up now, walked to the front of her desk and sat on the edge of it looking down on me. "It's time for us to talk about your future, Danica," she said.

"Yes ma'am," I replied as a surge of nervous energy coursed through me. This was a moment I'd been thinking about for a very long time and now it was here.

"Your submissive speech requirements are lifted for this conversation, Danica. No need to call me ma'am. We can speak as equals."

"Okay." I noticed that her concept of speaking as "equals" didn't include allowing me to put on clothes or get up off of my knees.

"Do you know why I put you through that today at lunch?" she asked me.

"To show off to your clients?"

Barbara smiled. "Yeah, that's part of it. I do think that was a selling point for them today, especially for Bill who is the real decision maker between the two. Can you think of another reason?"

"Because you once told me that you'd be able to do that one day. Make me walk naked and collared behind you on city streets and kneel naked beside you in a restaurant. You wanted to show me that you'd made it happen."

"That's right, Danica," Barbara replied. "Very good. I wanted you to see that when I tell you my plans for you that they aren't fanciful wish casting. I can and will make them happen."

That's exactly what frightened me about getting locked into a new contract with Barbara. She did have a track record of making outlandish sounding plans come to pass. Without leaving myself a way out if things got too crazy then I'd be as powerless to control my future as a leaf on a fast moving stream. But then again I'd just had an orgasm in a crowded restaurant and I was worried about my future getting too crazy? My crazy future was already here.

Barbara waited for a minute expecting a response but when I didn't provide one she continued. "That brings me to the third reason, Danica. I wanted you to have a taste of what your life will be like from now on. I know I wasn't honest with you about what your true role would be when you signed your original contract but I promise you that won't be the case this time. I'm going to tell you exactly what your role will be in the future."

"Okay," I replied, not entirely sure I really wanted to know.

"It's time for you to move on from your submissive playacting with Anna," she said. "You're ready for the real thing. No more amateur theater. From now on you'll be my personal mailgirl, Danica. All day, every day."

"So what exactly does that mean, being your 'personal mailgirl?'"

"It means moving into my home and taking care of the cooking and cleaning and anything else I ask you to do for me. At work it means making pickups and deliveries only for me. It means always being available to serve me in my office, in meetings, dining out with potential clients, or whatever else I'm doing. It means full and total obedience to me at all times, twenty-four hours a day. And, yes, you'll remain nude through all of that."

"So what you're actually saying is I'll be your personal slave."

Barbara shook her head. "You'll be much more than that, Danica. I'm at the forefront of one of the great social experiments of our time and you're going to be my partner."

"Your partner?" I scoffed. "A slave isn't a partner! And listen to yourself, Barbara. At the forefront of a great social experiment? God, you're such a fucking egomaniac!" As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew I'd gone too far and braced myself for the inevitable backlash. Instead Barbara just smiled.

"That's okay, Danica. I gave you permission to speak freely and I want you to. You won't be punished for it, I promise. Let's clear the air and get everything out in the open."

"Alright. If I move in with you then what happens to Anna?"

"She can stay in the condo until her contract is up. After that

she can run off with Ben or do whatever the hell she wants to do."

I looked up at her in shock. "You know about..."

"Yes," Barbara interrupted. "I know about Ben Hostler. Who do you think arranged for their secret little romance?"

My shock turned to anger. "So Ben's just a fucking plant you're using to entrap Anna?"

Barbara shook her head. "Relax, Danica. Ben knows nothing about it. We've never spoken or met. It was time for Anna to move on from you so I've been looking for a good match for her. I checked around and Ben's name came up. He's supposed to be a nice guy and I thought he'd be good for her."

I was confused now. "If he's not a plant then how..."

"All it took was a whisper by someone in his ear that she was interested in him and another whisper in Anna's ear that he was interested in her and the two of them found each other," Barbara said. "It wasn't all that difficult."

"You're such a manipulative bitch, Barbara! Everyone is just a pawn to be moved around your chessboard." My thoughts and emotions had been held in check for so long because of my forced submissiveness that they were flooding out now without restraint during this rare moment of freedom. Barbara remained unfazed by it though.

"That's not true, Danica. There are also more powerful pieces that need to be moved around my board as well," Barbara replied with a sarcastic smirk.

"Everything's just a game for you isn't it, even though you're playing with people's lives. So I suppose you think this is your leverage over me to get me to sign a new contract? Threatening to go after Anna for violating her contract because she's seeing Ben?"

Barbara laughed. "Is that what you think?"

"Of course I do."

"If that's how you thought I'd get you to sign a new contract then you're wrong. Not only would that be simplistic and crude, it probably wouldn't have worked anyway."

All along I'd thought that she planned to use the threat of punishing Anna as leverage to get me to sign a new contract. Anna and I had talked it over and she made me promise that I wouldn't allow Barbara to use her to bully me into it, that she would handle whatever Barbara threw her way.

"Danica, I like Anna a lot," Barbara said. "That's the truth. I don't want to hurt her, I want to help her. That story I told you about how I grew up as an unwanted orphan wasn't bullshit. I was abused as a child myself so I can relate to Anna in ways you'll never understand. She's a sweet girl and I would never do anything to harm her."

My head was spinning now and my game plan for this meeting was totally out the window. If Anna wasn't Barbara's leverage then what the hell was? "So you're not going to interfere with Anna and Ben getting together?" I asked skeptically.

Barbara shook her head. "Just tell Anna to keep it discreet. I don't give a damn if they hook up as long as it's not at the condo. And no public displays of affection where they might be seen. Once her contract is up and she's no longer a mailgirl they can bang each other in the food court of the Sunset Mall for all I care."

Barbara had remained sitting on the edge of her desk through all of this but now stood up, kicked her heels off, and kneeled on the floor facing me. This wasn't the first time she'd done this but it still came as a shock.

"I know you think I'm a narcissistic, manipulative bitch, and you're probably right to a degree," she said to me, her eyes locked onto mine. "You may not believe this, Danica, but I'm well aware of my faults and weaknesses. I see many things that others don't but I also have my blindspots like everyone else. I'm not omniscient. You see and hear things that I don't and may interpret things in ways that I sometimes can't. I need your help, Danica. I can't do this alone. I want you to be my partner in this great adventure."

"So you think this is a great adventure for me? To be your personal slave?"

"You're a true submissive, Danica, so, yes, I do believe all of this is an adventure for you. I also know you're a very ambitious person. I know that sounds contradictory, to be both submissive and ambitious, but that's not necessarily true. People are often impelled by complex and seemingly contradictory drives."

"So you think that helping you form a class of nude slave girls is something I aspire to, Barbara? You think that's where my ambitions lie?"

"I do think you see the inherent beauty in what we're doing, Danica. DDE really is a more vibrant, exciting, and productive environment since we've started the Mailgirls program. There's no reason we can't bring that energy to society as a whole."

"And what about the inherent dangers to the girls, Barbara? You talk about how you were abused as a child but aren't you putting mailgirls into a situation where they can potentially be physically and sexually abuse?"

Barbara shrugged. "It's an imperfect world, Danica, and there's always a danger of that no matter the environment. Nobody in this world is really ever safe but I've used my power to protect the girls as best I can. I'll continue to do that by enforcing strict standards in how DDE and our licensees treat mailgirls."

I laughed bitterly at that. "You've used your power to protect the girls? Barbara, you whipped me! Twice! And tied me up and locked me in your closet! You're such a fucking hypocrite."

"Am I?" she replied in a calm voice. "I think you know that you and I have a personal relationship that goes way beyond being boss and mailgirl. I wouldn't have done that if I thought you didn't want it or couldn't handle it. You know that was consensual, Danica. And, full disclosure, I'll probably do it again in the future."

Barbara always had an answer for everything but in this case I knew she was probably right. The whippings, bondage, submissive roleplaying, enforced nudity - all of it - had ultimately been consensual even though Barbara always stacked the deck in her favor to get me to go along with it. "Okay, so my role as your 'partner' in all of this is to be this naked little slave girl and spybot that obediently follows you around and gets whipped whenever she gets out of line?" I retorted a little too petulantly.

Barbara sighed and shook her head. "That's not what I'm saying and you know it, Danica. You're too smart for this."

"Am I?"

"I wouldn't want you if you weren't. You're extraordinarily beautiful but we have a lot of beautiful mailgirls who don't fascinate me the way you do. It's not just your beauty or your servitude I need, it's your intelligence. Others may see you as just a lowly mailgirl but I know better."

Barbara reached out now with her right hand and began gently caressing my cheek. "Danica, when you're in my home you'll have full access to my library. I want you to learn and grow. I want to teach you. You'll be both a servant and a partner in helping me accomplish great things. You're going to be at ground zero of a cultural earthquake that will transform society." I felt my heart thumping in my chest as I listened to these words that both thrilled and terrified me; words that seemed to dance on the ledge between genius and madness.

Barbara leaned in and planted a warm, wet kiss on my lips. When she pulled away I saw an intensity in her eyes that forced me to look down to the floor. She gently lifted my chin until I met her gaze once again. "Danica, I'm going to allow you to fully explore and experience your dual natures of submission and ambition. No one else in this world can do that for you like I can, my love. No one."

As Barbara spoke I realized that she had just battered all of the defenses I'd spent months in preparing for this meeting as effortlessly as a Sherman tank rolling through a picket fence. At that moment I could visualize the life she was offering and I suddenly knew that I wanted it. I wanted to be her slave, her lover, her partner. I wanted to help her bend the world to her will. I wanted all of it. I was ready to give myself completely to her. If in that moment she had placed the contract in front of me I would have signed it without hesitation. I know in my heart of hearts I would have. But she didn't.

Maybe this moment was so important to her that she didn't fully trust her powers of persuasion and wanted to hedge her bet. Maybe she mistook my delay in responding to her as doubt. Maybe she had inadvertently led me into one of those blindspots she had just talked about. For whatever reason though - and for perhaps the first since I'd known her - Barbara misread me. And in that failure she would let the moment pass. Barbara had me, but instead of allowing me to surrender to her she would overplay her hand.

And that would change everything. For both of us.