Greg, a mid-20 year old stuck in a dating rut

I HATED dating apps and I hated the whole culture around them. The idea of spending a microsecond looking at someone’s picture and from that alone, judging if they are worthy or not… it disgusted me. My blood boils just thinking about some hot chick looking at my photo and swiping left… swatting me away like a fly without getting to know me at all or truly seeing my worth.

When I’ve actually gotten dates off one of the apps, I also hate the idea that the girl I’m going on a date with probably has five other dates queued up after our’s. So, while we’re going out, she’s judging me against the five or six other guys she’s seeing at the same time.

To sum it up… when it comes to dating apps, my view is FUCK IT. I’m done with them.

So, why am I using this one now? Honestly… I’m not sure but something drew me to it. I honestly don’t even remember downloading it but here I am, chilling in my studio apartment, on a Friday night making a profile for “The Ultimate Dating App.”

All I know is that it somehow hooks into all the other dating apps out there. So, if a girl is on any one of the plethora of dating apps… she’s on this app too.

Anyway, I upload a few pics where I look decent and put in some lame bio… describing what I do for a living, what I like, etc and off I go.

For the first ten minutes, I only swipe right on the hot girls… 8’s or higher. After getting no matches, I start settling for 7’s. After still getting no matches… I start settling for 6’s… and maybe even some 5’s. Now, before you accuse me of being a hypocrite… yes, I admit I am being quite judgemental here. That’s just one more reason I hate dating apps! Look what they’ve turned me into!

Anyway, after a few more minutes of swiping... Boom! My first match: a slightly chubby Indian girl named Binita. And no, it doesn’t really matter that she’s Indian and to be clear- plenty of the 8’s, 9’s, and 10’s I didn’t match with were also Indians. This 5.5 just... happened to be Indian and I figured it was worth mentioning.

I didn’t find her particularly attractive… but on the binary scale of would you or wouldn’t you, I guess in her case I would. And to be fair… I’d probably rate myself at about a 5 or 6 so I guess beggars can’t be choosers. If I dropped 20-30 pounds, I could probably upgrade myself to a 7 and then if I acquired some sense of style, I might even be able to reach an 8 or 9… but who has time for that?

Anyway, once I matched with Binita… something odd happened. The app didn’t say, “you matched with Binita!”... it said, “You captured Binita! She is now yours to do with as you please!”

What the fuck? Was this not a dating app but actually a pokemon style game where instead of small monsters, you capture moderately attractive Indian girls?

I guess time to find out...