Gotta keep moving

You take a deep breath and lean up as if you’re doing a sick an crunch, in an attempt to pull your pants leg free.

I say sick an crunch, but that implies any sort of grace on your part because as you do that move, you fall on your almost bare ass with a loud rip sound.

You’re now sitting in a classic New York alley in your boxers.

And you’ve only got ten minuuuuuutes to get to your date.

You think to yourself, “fuck it, I’m gonna run towards the restaurant and find a store on the way, nothing else to do at this point”

You get up and run as fast as you can in the general direction of the restaurant. You’re subject to wolf whistles from passing women that you do your best to ignore.

You’re on the block of the restaurant now and you look around for anything that might get you the clothes you need.

And bless your cotton socks wouldn’t ya know there’s a proper clothing store right next to the restaurant where you’d be Abel to get yourself a full new outfit.

You burst into the store like the half naked maniac you are. The brunette woman behind the counter raises an eyebrow at you. You remember your situation and put your hands over your boxers.

“Uh hi, I could use some clothes”

“Yes you could sir. But do you have a wallet tucked away somewhere?”

Fuck. Some alley hobo is going to have a nice night finding your wallet in your dangling pants. Luckily you’ve still got your phone clutched in your hand.

“Uuhhh can I do Venmo?”

“Sorry we don’t do that here”

“Come on this is clearly an emergency”

“Yes it is, there’s a cute half naked guy in my store, and he’s trying to be less naked”

You blush and trip over whatever your next words would have been.

You look over and see a suit jacket and pants hanging on the wall, then look over to the exit.

“Can’t we work something out”

The woman steps out from behind the counter and starts walking towards you.

“Tell you what. I’ll give you some clothes, if you give me some clothes. An even trade”

You look down at all you have left; shoes, socks, and the boxers preserving your dignity.

“Really?”

“You know I could just call the cops to throw you out so then all the nice people out their can see that butt of yours”