Getting ready for the downpour

I am cowering on the floor in front of my angry friend Louise who just slapped me down. She got extremely angry when I said that I had nothing left to lose because Kat is gone. I just hope that my gal pal hasn't given me a black eye since my best friend's funeral is tomorrow. I would hate to have to explain such a thing to my friends at such an event. I am now holding up my right hand in front of my face in case the tempest Louise decides to strike me again. I see that I have nothing to worry about when the expression on her face softens and she sits down to hug me.

"Connie, I'm so sorry!" Louise whines.

"Don't be," I reply. "I think I needed that."

"You needed me to hit you?" Louise wondered.

"Maybe not exactly that," I mentioned. "I needed a tough friend to take care of me."

"Why wouldn't any of your other friends fit the bill?" Louise probes with a confused look on her face.

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day," I cite. "Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime."

"What does that have to do with me?" Louise asked because she still did not get it.

"When most friends see you going through a tragedy like this, they would give you a fish," I explain. "That is not what I need because I forgot how to fish when I found Kat's dead body. I need a tough friend like you to teach me how to fish again."

"I don't think that you forgot how to fish," Louise debated. "That knowledge just got shoved to the back of your head. I am sure that you will be able to fish when you need to."

"I only hope that you are right," I reply with a cracking voice.

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Louise complained while rubbing my right shoulder. "You had to have been tough to solve all of those mysteries abroad. You are a regular Nancy Drew."

Am I like Nancy Drew? I sure don't feel like it. If I was, I would have caught the killer by now and turned that miserable wretch into mulch. I know that Nancy Drew has never killed anyone, but ever since I found my friend's body, a white hot fire of rage has been eating away at me. I feel that there is only one way to put out that fire. I want . Besides, I wonder if Nancy would want to kill if someone offed her boyfriend Ned or her friends Bess and George.

It is not only the killer that I am angry at. I am angry at myself. No matter what Louise says to me and no matter how hard she hits me, I cannot escape the fact that I should not have left Kat alone at that crucial time when she told me she was going to meet someone. Even though my Spidey senses were tingling, I let Kat convince me to go sightseeing just because I hadn't seen Paris in a long time. I should have followed my best friend covertly. This is a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life. Would Nancy Drew have made a mistake like that? I doubt it. Now, I know that it is time to stop this pity party long enough to say goodbye.

"Can you call a cab for me?" I requested while finally picking myself up off the floor. "I need to buy myself a funeral dress."

"I have a suitable outfit that you could borrow to save you some time," Louise insisted. "You look like you should be able to wear my clothes, but come with me to try it on just in case."

"Thanks," I reply while following Louise back into her bedroom.

My good friend opened up her closet and unzipped a plastic garment bag. She took out a plain black dress with long sleeves and handed it to me along with a pair of black hose. I stripped down to my underwear in front of Louise since the fact that I had sex with her took away the need to be shy around her. I put on the hose along with the somber frock and turned around so Louise could zip the dress up. My buddy handed me a pair of black shoes to complete the outfit. I examined myself in front of a long mirror and saw that everything fit well. It is good that Louise and I are about the same size.

"I better iron the dress for you before you leave," my helper ordered.

I changed back into my normal clothes and handed the dress back to Louise. I sat on the bed patiently while my helpful pal took out an ironing board and ironed out the creases. I knew that I was fortunate to have this friend in my life. If she wasn't, then I would be in an bigger mess than I am now if that is even possible. As soon as she was finished, Louise put the clothes that I would be wearing tomorrow back into the bag. She called a cab for me and I hugged her for being such a great friend.

I went outside to wait for a cab to take me to Raphael's place where I am currently staying. Now that I am by myself again, doubts about myself begin to fill my brain. I blot them out by thinking about what I want to do at Kat's funeral. I want to say goodbye of course, but that is not enough. Kat and I grew up in the States together. She knew me better that I knew myself. I need a way that I can pay a special tribute to her. As I ride in the cab and travel towards my temporary lodgings, I decide what I want to do. I will sing Kat's favorite song so loud that my message will reach her up in Heaven. I soon arrive at my destination just in time to hear the phone ring. I hate it when the phone rings just when you are trying to get into your home.

"Hello?" I ask after rushing to pick up the phone.

"How are you holding up, Connie?" my friend Leo asked.

"About as well as can be expected with a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in my heart," I grumble.

"Would you like a ride?" Leo asked.

"Yes, please," I acknowledge.

"Tristain will pick you up at eight in the morning," Leo reveals. "Is there anything special that you want to do for Kat?"

"I am going to sing her favorite song Total Eclipse Of The Heart!" I emphatically state.