Friendship... Again?

"There, I'm sitting," Liam said. He had planted himself on the metal stool in front of the workbench, facing out. John, without any proper seat available, dragged over a nearby plastic bin and dropped himself onto it.

"Okay, where do I begin?" John asked himself. A long pause followed as he tried to focus his thoughts. "So, magic is real, but I don't think you need me to tell you that."

"I'm choosing to believe you aren't shitting me," Liam said, "but I reserve the right to change my mind."

"I've decided to believe you aren't fucking with me either, so we're on level ground, whatever the case is," John sighed. Liam nodded for him to continue.

"Alright, cool. Cool. Go on then, Gandalf."

"I'm not a wizard. Neither are you, actually; you're a mage." John shook his head. "Now that I say it out loud, I have to admit that I don't really know what the difference is."

"I don't think there is one," Liam said.

"Right," said John. He pressed his mind for things that would have helped him the most the other day. He had made a lot of mistakes, but he didn't need to think too hard to decide which of them was the worst. "Anyway, like I said, I'm a mage too, but I'll get back to that. The absolute first thing you need to know is that you need to stay the hell away from Mrs. Wentworth. Don't use magic around her, or at school at all if you can help it, trust me."

"My Bullshit-ometer is reading critical levels of bullshittery," Liam responded with a quirked brow.

"I'm dead serious. I don't know what her deal is, or if the rumors are actually true, but she's a mage and she's fucking terrifying. I cannot emphasize enough that you should stay off her radar."

"What can she do, turn into a cat?" Liam shrugged.

"I… don't know, actually," John said. He realized that so far he hadn't actually seen Wentworth do much of anything. She slammed a door in his face, opened a barrier, knocked him down with a chair, and sent him flying out that same door. All together, that wasn't enough to explain the instinctual fear that bubbled up in John's heart whenever he so much as looked at her. He realized that fear stemmed not from what she had done, but what she could have done to him. Moira and her father confirmed that his Observe was correct in identifying her as a major threat, but that wouldn't help him convince Liam.

"By the way, top notch exposition so far. You're really crushing it."

"Alright, fine." John pulled out his phone and mocked dialing a number. "Hello? Is this the Pentagon? Yes, my asshole friend has magic powers and I'd like to report him to the authorities so you can cut him open and do all sorts of nasty experiments on him. What's that? Why am I telling you if he's supposed to be my friend? Oh, I wasn't going to at first, I wanted to try and be helpful and explain things, but he decided to be a dick about it. Yes, I thought so too. So, you'll be here in fifteen minutes? Great, I'll keep him busy until then. Goodbye."

John glared at his friend as he pretended to hang up. In all fairness, Liam had a point, but that didn't mean John had to accept the sass. It's not like he gave Wentworth or Moira an attitude when they were explaining shit to him, and they were way less nice about it than he was trying to be. Then again, they were both potentially fatal threats to John, and he was nothing but another nerd as far as Liam was concerned.

"Okay, okay, you're right." Liam raised his hands in surrender. "I'll try to put a lid on the whole humor-as-a-defense-mechanism bit."

"Thank you," John said. "Now, where was I?"

"You were about to pull out the Sorting Hat and-"

"Liam."

"Sorry! I couldn't help myself!" Liam winced while still clearly laughing at his own joke. "I'll be good from now on, I promise."

"Sometimes I wonder why I am even friends with you," John griped.

"Because neither of us would have any if you weren't," Liam replied, still smiling.

"Ah, of course. How could I forget?" John couldn't help but laugh as well. Try as he might, he couldn't take himself seriously enough to put any effort into maintaining some sort of authority over the conversation. "Let's try something else. Maybe I'll just show you."

"Worked for me." Liam shrugged.

"How about this - do you have your cell on you?" John asked.

"Yeah." Liam patted his right pocket to confirm for himself, exactly as John was hoping. "What about it?"

"Are you sure?" John asked, leaning forward. He moved as if to give his question extra weight, but it was really only so that he could get close enough to use Sleight of Hand. "Check again."

"Uh, yes? It's right h-" Liam's brow raised in doubt of John's good sense as he reached for it again. His sentence cut short as his fingertips felt nothing but leg beneath the fabric of his empty pocket. Both hands frantically searched his pockets for his missing device as Liam's brain tried to reconcile the sudden disconnect between perception and reality. "Wait, what?"

"Here, you mean?" John said to draw his friend's attention. He held Liam's phone out in his right hand, flipping it over and inspecting it as if he'd never seen the object before. It was a similar model to John's, but in a less protective case that was covered in stickers. "You should be more careful with your things, really," he added, relishing the opportunity for glibness. It was nice to flip the script for a change of pace, to be the one with the answers.

"Gimme that!" Liam's hand shot out to retrieve his phone, but it disappeared before his fingers could wrap around it. John pulled it back out of his inventory with his left and tapped Liam on the head with it.

"A bit too slow," John laughed. Liam dove for the device once again and failed just the same. Trying to play smart, he immediately grabbed John's right wrist in anticipation of the same trick, but it did not appear. John was no longer in possession of the phone, he had already snuck it back into Liam's pocket.

"Dude!" Liam protested. He was obviously more concerned about the status of his phone than evidence of John's magic. John couldn't blame him, honestly.

"Don't you 'dude' me. It's not my fault you can't keep track of your things!"

"John, I swear to god, I will shove the appange three feet up your ass if you don't give my phone back," Liam said, eyeing the spot on the ground where John had dropped the fruit earlier. His grip on John's wrist tightened.

"I'd love to, Liam, but I can't," said John.

"What!?" John could swear he saw lines of red shoot through Liam's eyes. It was probably a good time to let the game end.

"I can't give it back because you already have it." John shrugged and held in his laugh. Liam let go of John's wrist and groped for the phone in his pocket once more. His growing anger evaporated as he pulled the device out and clutched it to his chest like a lost child.

"My darling! Did the big, mean man hurt you?" Liam cooed. "I'll never let him get his nasty, disgusting fingers on your ever again," he added with a scathing glare at the Gamer.

"Liam, please, seek help."

"Nuh uh!" Liam shook his head like a stubborn child. "I'm perfect just the way I am."

"Yeah, sure." John rolled his eyes. "Anyway, wanna get back to the conversation about magic, or would you rather baby talk your phone a little longer."

"Eh, you're a thief and a magician, so what?" Liam dismissed John's example. "I can create things that have never existed! Blend objects into a harmonious hybrid in blatant defiance of physics! The laws of thermodynamics, of relativity, of existence itself bends to my whim!"

"Are you done?" John crossed his arms as he watched Liam gesticulate with increasing fervor. "Because that's not all I can do," he said, pulling his bronze knife out of his inventory.

"Oh bravo. What's next, mister magician, doves? What are these parlor tricks in the face of my magnificence? To create, now that is true beauty, to be like unto a god and-"

"I can make your dick bigger," John cut in, confident that would finally put an end to Liam's dramatic display. It did, and then some, Liam's soliloquy screeched to a halt. He was on John in under a second, grasping his collar with a vigor that rivaled Moira's during their first encounter.

"Bitch, say what!?"

"Did I stutter?" John met his friend's manic gaze with an impassive mask.

"Why didn't you open with that!?" Liam shouted. The world rocked wildly as he shook John by the shoulders.

"Dude, chill," John said, doing his best to maintain a neutral expression. He caught Liam's face with both hands, forcing him to either stop or endure his own ****. "Would that really go down well? 'Hey man, nice to see you. By the way, do you want a bigger dick?'"

"Yes!" Liam stopped, but his shout was no less emphatic.

"If that's the case, I know a Nigerian prince who needs your help," John said, shaking the wrinkles out of his shirt where Liam had grabbed him. "I've also heard that the IRS is looking for you."

"Look, can you do it or not?" Liam sat back on the stool, refusing to acknowledge John's jabs.

"You tell me." John smiled and reached out a hand. He cast Alter Body twice on Liam's dick and, for good measure, one more time on his prostate to up the semen production. It was a little petty, but if a certain Goddess was so dead set on turning John's penis into a cum cannon, he could at least ensure that he didn't have to endure it alone.

It would be kinda hot if I didn't have to worry about how much worse it might get. And hey, maybe Liam is into that sort of thing?

-
<Achievement Unlocked!>
I Knew It!
Increase someone else's semen production. Great minds think alike!
Biomancy spells you cast that increase semen production or ejaculation have their effects doubled.
Increased semen production equal to your target's increase. (12%)
+1 Gamer Treat
-

"I should have fucking seen that coming from a mile away. God dammit," John groaned. "No, wait, Goddess dammit!"

-
<Skill Level Up!>
Alter Body Lv. 5
May now be applied as a temporary effect with a duration of up to two hours for 75% the cost.
-

Fortunately for John, Liam was too caught up in the sensation of the spell's effects to notice him complaining out loud. John saw his friend make faces he never wanted to see, understanding full well the near orgasmic feelings the spell was causing. He closed his eyes and waited until he could hear Liam's breathing calm down.

"Well, what do you th- fucking hell! Don't just check in front of me!" John opened his eyes to talk to Liam only to find him with his pants pulled part way down, holding the elastic band of his boxers stretched out. He flung his arms out in front of him and his head back to block the sight in a frantic attempt to protect his heterosexual sensibilities. The motion shifted his center of balance enough that the tub he sat on tipped over forward. Consequently, John's legs splayed out and shoved one of the struts of Liam's stool. In his already precarious position of pelvic examination, the stool gave out and Liam fell to his knees, straddling John's legs.

Something fleshy and pinkish flopped out of the fly of Liam's boxers. John felt a droplet of wet warmth hit his cheek.

Both boys screamed at the top of their lungs.