Friday, Week 2, Christian Parker's Second Date Part 1

Alan woke up feeling better than he ever had. The coils of a large serpentine creature, one that understood his anatomy better than any human could, were wrapped around him. The room was heavily air-conditioned, and her warmth evened out the chill.

Christian had shown up, looking nervous. At her side was Laurel, who was engaged in something akin to a high five, or perhaps a spank, with Ariadne’s tail.

Alan failed to find anything to say. Christian blushed.

“Twenty VP, nice!” Laurel laughed. “Good job, Ari.”

Christian looked suddenly interested. “So, that’s intercourse, right?”

“Um, no.” Alan tried to take ownership of the situation. “Tendrils were involved.”

“Huh.” Laurel nodded. “That makes too much sense to be a deflection.”

“A hydrostat can provide more control than a penis when penetrating a human anus, preventing too much or too little girth or force.” Ariadne’s large blue eyes stayed steady on Laurel. A smile sat on the Crawler’s still lips while her nose carried the words.

“Well, that’s not something we were likely to manage ourselves, so I’m less jealous of the points.” Laurel handed Alan a bathrobe. “Any plans for the day, friend noodle?”

“Make sure Tess isn’t going to crash a moon into the planet over this.” Ariadne laughed and slithered off the bed onto the floor. “You girls have fun.”

“It’s nice to see you, but what are you doing here?” Alan fumbled with the bathrobe, trying to maintain some privacy in front of Christian and Laurel. He did not succeed.

“The goth twin was asking me about magic, and you already asked me for a necromancy lesson. We’re going to the beach, and we’re gonna do things that are holy to our family and unholy to anyone with a brain.” Laurel grinned. “I suggest you don’t have breakfast or shower until we’re done. This might get gross.”

“How gross are we talking?” Alan stood up in the bathrobe. He noticed the girls had arrived in matching white bathrobes.

“Hermit crabs,” Christian butted in. “She found hermit crabs and decided to start with them.”

“Why did you spoil it?” Laurel pouted.

“Is there a reason for hermit crabs?” Alan asked as he followed them out.

“Well, arthropods are mostly skeleton. Hermit crabs already use the bones of the dead as their homes. They’re big enough that it’s easy to see what you’re doing, and small enough we’re unlikely to get eaten if anything goes wrong.” Laurel rattled off the list like she had practiced it.

“Where did you get hermit crabs?” Alan asked.

“Bonus points!” Laurel replied with enthusiasm. “Ari’s store never got filled out, but her placeholders included five grand of shit from Earth for a single bonus point, so we now have far more hermit crabs than we could ever use.”

“Alright, that’s good to know.” Alan nodded. “Do I have bonus points?”

“Um, some seasons do it, so ask Ariadne or the aunt that’s made out of demonic cancer,” Laurel replied.

“Is that what Sky is?” Christian asked.

“What? No! She’s not my aunt.” Laurel looked suddenly uncomfortable. “I meant Tess!”

“What is going on with Sky, anyway?” Alan asked carefully. “She’s a former contestant. What happened to her?”

“I would rather give you another BJ than discuss this.” Laurel’s voice was sharp.

“Oh, I can explain.” Sky appeared out of nowhere, dressed in nurse’s scrubs. “Sora refused to participate in Laurel’s dinosaur racing challenge. Laurel was bound by the rules to give her an exit transformation. She had an idea.”

“I did have one.” Laurel glared at Sky.

“She gave Sora all of her own memories. She crammed two lifetimes inside the poor girl’s head, trying to get her to understand why none of it was Laurel’s fault.” Sky sighed. “I used to think that murdered Sora and created me. I’m no longer sure I was right about that.”

Sky vanished. Everyone was silent for a minute.

“Necromancy?” Alan asked when no one else spoke.

“Right.” Laurel started walking. “Necromancy lessons.”

Author's note: I am not dead. I got busy.