Five Nights at Dolly's

You see a job ad in the paper.

Help wanted

Family pizzeria looking for security guard to work the night shift. 12 am to 6 am.

Monitor cameras, ensure safety of equipment and animatronic characters.

Not responsible for injury/dismemberment/rape

$120 a week.

You accept the job. So your first night begins. You immediately get a phone call.

12:00 AM.

1st Night.

"Hello? Hello, hello? Uhh, I wanted to record a message for you... to help you get settled in on your first night.

Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I’m... finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact, so... I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I’m here to tell you: there’s nothing to worry about. Uh, you’ll do fine!

So... let’s just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?

Uh, let’s see. First, there’s an introductory greeting from the company that I’m supposed to read. Eh, it’s kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, 'Welcome to Dolly's Pizza: a magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage or sexual assault to property or person.' Blah, blah, blah...

Now that might sound bad, I know. But there’s really nothing to worry about.

Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No! If I were forced to sing... those same stupid songs for twenty years, and I never got a wank? I’d probably be a bit irritable at night too.

So just be aware: the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uhh, they’re left in some kind of "free-roaming mode" at night. Uhh... something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uhh... they used to be allowed to walk around during the day, too, but then there was the Rape of '87. Yeah... I-It’s amazing what the human body can through, you know? And how big an asshole can get. Don't ask why they were given functional genitals.

Now concerning your safety: the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uhh, if they happen to see you after hours... Th-They’ll most likely try to... rape you. So you can imagine how having its gigantic dick shoved into your asshole could cause a bit of discomfort... and emotional trauma. Uh... Y-Yeah, they don’t tell you these things when you sign up...

But hey! First day should be a breeze; I’ll chat with you tomorrow. Uhh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power.

Alright. Goodnight."