Felix

I get out of the house as soon as I can. God, let me breathe for a minute!

It worked. It actually fucking worked. What the fuck was all that? Were Felix and I actually responsible in some way? Fuck, I need some booze!

On my way to the bar, because I’m not gonna go back in there any time soon, I can’t not help but reflect. That was so fucked up! But…it was also kind of amazing? That sex was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It was wrong but I think that made it so much more intense!

I wonder how Mom and Gina are doing. Even if they’re back to normal but I have to imagine they’re still freaking out. And even now they’re probably still super pissed at me.

“Yo! Eddie!”

No way! What the fuck? It’s Felix! He’s just jogging up to me like nothing happened! He looks like he didn’t jump through the window of a second story! This is unbelievable! Why is he so chipper?!

“Hey bro! How you feeling?!”

Felix stops in front of me holding up his hand for a greeting. I punch him square in the nose.

“AAH! What the fuck?!” He says holding his nose.

“How do you think I’m feeling asshole?!! After your fuck ass ‘what ifs’!”

“Why are you blaming me? How on Earth could I even be at fault for…that?!”

“You sure fucking ran like it was your fault!” I say throwing another punch his way.

Felix dodges and he moves to the side. I keep up my barrage as Felix keeps jumping out of the way begging and pleading for me to stop.

“Dude, please! You gotta stop! Listen, I have to tell you something.”

Partially out of getting tired, I stop. “What is it?”

“Soooo…” He takes a long breath and holds his hands up. “I’m a wizard!”

“…What?”

“I know Eddie, it’s so fucking crazy dude!” He says full of joy that can’t be contained. “I ran back to my place and told my parents what happened and then they explained the whole thing! My family are part of an ancient tradition of secret wizards and at first they didn’t think I was gonna have magic! But I do, and I can do so much cool shit just by wiggling my fingers and putting power in my words! And I just had to tell you Eddie cuz you’re my best pal and, holy shit, this is just so amazing!!”

I grit my teeth. “SO IT WAS YOUR FAULT!!!” I fire and hit him hard in the cheek.

“AAGHH! Come on dude! I didn’t really mean to do it!” He says shielding his face.

“Do you have any idea what you put me through!!!” I yell unleashing a flurry of punches.

“Hey! Just be glad your dad wasn’t around, y’know! Hehe— OUWWH!!” He cries as I get him in the eye.

“Shut up already! I will burn you!!”

“STOP!” Felix shouts one hand stretched out to me and the other holding his face. Something stops me. I can’t move, but only for a small second.

“Eddie, stop attacking me or I will have to put a curse on you.” His hand is still outstretched.

I’m still in the same position that I was stopped in, ready to strike. Nothing is stopping me now, other than myself. I grit. I clench. Then I relent and let my arms fall. I exhale…and then throw one good sock at Eddie’s shoulder.

“Ah! Fuck dude!” Felix says rubbing his shoulder.

We stare at each other upset and then shift are gazes elsewhere. We stand there pouting in silence.

“…Eddie bro, I’m really sorry about using my powers to swap your mom and girlfriend’s bodies and getting you in all this trouble. I didn’t mean to hurt you guys.”

“I…It’s…It’s all good Felix…”

“Really?”

“Well, it’s not all good, but we can do our best fix things. Come on. Let’s go get some drinks.”

“Hell yeah bro! I like the sound of that!” But then his mood changes from party to worry. “Oh shit! I should really go help out you mom and Gina, huh?”

“Nah, you don’t need to… They’re back to normal.”

“They’re back to— No! Eddie! You—” He slaps his hand over his mouth but regrettably decides to speak again. “So… Who did you fuck?”

“Doesn’t matter. Go fuck yourself.”

“Sorry, sorry… So yeah, I really need to make this up to you.”

“What are you gonna do to make it up to me?”

“Shit, I don’t know…” There’s a pause before he says what was probably the first thing he thought of. “Want me to switch them again?”

I stop dead in my tracks.

“Maybe try out the other?”

The rage boils within me. My fists are shaking. I can’t believe this idiot thinks we should give it another go! Make me do it all over again!

“…Huuhhh… Dad’s out for another day.”

“Goddamn bro!” Felix laughs.

“But you’re still gonna owe me!”