FREE NUDES!!!

“I formally protest this.”

“Protest all you want, it is perfectly in line with our rules.”

“No, it's not!”

We are applying the doctrine of exceptionalism here. Since that rule about original characters is only applicable in masochist mode, which we can't be part of by default, it makes sense to not include us here.”

“That is a bullshit excuse!”

“Besides, a far bigger crisis is about to unfold. We are to read King Edward.”

“The ****-King? That IS a crisis. I don't want to read another 200 fucking chapters.”

“No, you don't understand. Both unkown and Zeebop have done a critique on this story.”

“So?”

“That means if we post our follow-up, it would now appear below theirs!”

“Oh no. Not my fault this site lacks basic functions, like deleting other authors chapters.”

“I simply can not abide this. I fear it will be way too confusing for our mentally challenged listeners.”

“Probably.”

“For now, there is nothing to be done but to start reading. I am sure I will come up with a solution in the interim.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Happy now, Gina? That was quite a lot less then 200 chapters.”

“I'm not! This was way too little! And Alexandra didn't even update the story since early June!”

“As for what transpired in these twenty odd chapters...”

“Edward and friends conquer one fucking town, that is literally all that happens. Good fucking job.”

“Well, I wouldn't use the word literally here, but maybe we should take things from the top. Since there are far fewer chapters to go around, we might even be able to summarize the plot.”

“I'm sure our readers are just dying to know if you got off to the sissy lion.”

“That is a negative.”

“Oh no, how sad. Why?”

“If the guy in drag enjoys it, it's just not the same for me. Edward is too nice.”

“Of course. The Motherfucker is too nice. That really says a lot about you, Marcie.”

“Getting back to the plot. Edward and the coalition forces are attempting to strike against the Fresgoe islands. For that they need ships. They don't have ships, so they decide to commandeer some from the nearest Dean occupied harbor.”

“Uhh...Marcie, I'm not really big on military strategy and shit, but isn't fighting a maritime powerhouse on water with a cobbled together fleet a fucking stupid idea?”

“It is a pretty...daring plan to say the least. One thing I can appreciate however, is that King Edward isn't portrayed as a military protegee. I am tired of the armchair generals. Edward is awful at warfare and is more then happy to leave this to Kara and Donald.”

“Alright, we have established that Edward is a little shit, but what excuse do Kara and Donald have?”

“I actually had to go back to chapters we covered in the initial read, but apparently Donald just really hates the guy who is in control of the islands, so he wants to go after him, yeah...”

“Is...Madeleine actually the smartest one of the bunch? Wow, this pisses me off.”

“To be fair, historically, commanders have made some unbelievable moronic moves. Who doesn't know Emperor Augustus famous quote “Varus,Varus, Give me back my legions!”

“Yeah, real popular saying that one.”

“Speaking of moronic moves, Robert is angry with Edward for letting Roland life.”

“Uhh...Robert is the torch guy and Roland the sharkman, right? I keep mixing them up.”

“Yes, but what I was alluding to, the cult is apparently holding another meeting soon, which Edward is supposed to attend.”

“Ha! About that...”

“Just how deluded are these guys? Edward is a King on a military campaign! Do they really believe a Sovereign can just slip off and visit them whenever it fancies them? Hell, because of their sheer stupidity Edward almost got exposed in the first place! At this point the whole cult really appears more a liability then a boon.”

“Still have a hate-boner for these guys, I see.”

“Lets just say if Einar conquers the continent and ruins the cults centuries of planning, I wouldn't even be mad.”

“If it weren't for main character bullshit, that would definitely be in the cards.”

“Getting ahead of us now. The Coalition arrives at the town of...Blahem and prepares to siege.”

“My reaction to that name was almost identical to Madeleine's.”

“Speaking of Madeleine, she is also the one who comes up with an acidic solution to melt down the town gates.”

“Yeah, I think at this point we just have to acknowledge that Madeleine is best girl.”

“Hard to disagree. I don't think she gets the respect she deserves. Sure, she has delusions of grandeur, but what genius doesn't?”

“She also had the right notion about what to do with the magic coral.”

“Oh, you mean the one that is technically a spy device and that was technically present when Edward contacted the cult?”

“At least that dumb fuck put it into a box first.”

“Still, funny how close Edward came yet again in screwing the cult over.”

“The fleet moves out, leaving Edward behind because he is a useless fuck. Then Einar floods the town like a fucking boss.”

“Apparently he is powerful enough to conjure a Tsunami. A Tsunami upon which his fleet can ride into town.”

“I never said it wasn't bullshit, still a boss move.”

“Edward and Madeleine somehow survive this and get captured. And with that we have reached the current chapter.”

“The fuck's Alexandra's problem? She stops this shit right when it gets good!”

“Yeah, I have no idea why Alexandra stopped right when things are about to get interesting. These chapters we got through where in essence just setup.”

“Sharkman barely showed up!”

“Personally, I think Edward should just switch side and team up with Einar. He seems like a pretty swell guy and if Edward gives him intel about the cult, they are screwed.”

“He can also shoot lightning. That's always a plus.”

“Now, for my general impression of the chapters, they where fine, but I wouldn't exactly brag about them either.”

“Oh! I have something to brag, I mean complain!”

__

“Aye.” Kara says, though you can tell from her tone she remains unconvinced. ><

“In my defence, you should see the lad in a silk gown.” you confess><.

“Fook off with that!” Kara says, playfully whacking your arm. “We're no' so diplomatic wi' those green shites up here.”><

__

“I have questions...”

“The hell's up with the random ><? That can't be a typo. Is it Alexandra getting frustrated at her shoddy writing?”

“Maybe there is a bit of fatigue going on. Chapters like Seki corners you are definitely below Alexandra's usual standard.”

“Pathetic.”

“Now Gina, be nice. Even we don't always produce the perfect critique.”

“Everything we produce is perfect.”

“I mean, yes, but I wanted to be modest.”

“Doesn't suit you.”

“And I think with this we can bring this one to a close. While these weren't my favorite chapters, I do think the story is in a pretty exciting place right now.”

“And that what is pissing me off! I want to know what's gonna happen!”

“Well, with Edward kidnapped, maybe the Cult will finally stop being useless and attempt to remove the threat that is Einar?

“Oh! The town is flooded! That means this is totally Sharkman's time to shine right?”

“Provided he doesn't drown at least.”