Can he?

Everyone expresses their emotions differently

Your memories of the days immediately following your parents’ deaths are… weird. There are some things that are simply gone, and not in the way that memories from 14 years ago are usually gone. Even when you think about it (which you try not to do too often), there are time skips. You remember being in the principal’s office, waiting in terror for your parents to show up and yell at you for being a horrible creepy little pervert… and then you were at home in your bedroom, sobbing. And you have no idea how you got from one to the other.

Then there are those memories that are so sharp and vivid, it’s like the way TV shows depict flashbacks. One of those is being at the airport with Tammy and Molly (and your parents’ lawyer, whose name is gone and whose face is a blur), waiting at the arrivals gate for your uncle Roger.

You remember what everything sounded and felt and even smelled like as you watched the approach of a man who looked so much like your father that, for a few seconds, you entertained the possibility that your parents weren’t really dead, that the car accident had been a trick to teach you a lesson. But as he got closer, you saw the differences, and as he greeted you, you heard the differences, and as he hugged you, you smelled the differences. He was not Willis Carter. He was Roger Carter.

He did not hug you again until almost eight years later, just before he went back to England.

When you were younger, you’d read scary books about people in situations like yours, who ran away from home and lived on the street. But you could never have done anything like that.

And besides, Roger wasn’t cruel. He never hit you or mistreated you. The worst thing he did was sell your parents’ house – and even then, he gave you two years of advance warning, and he used the money to support you and pay for most of your education. He even gave you a choice about moving to England with him or staying in America.

In principle, he was a perfectly adequate substitute parent.

He just wasn’t nice.

“Are you gonna call him or not?” Molly says. “You’ve been staring at your phone forever.”

You sigh. “Might as well get it over with,” you admit. You pick up your phone, pull up the contact list, and very reluctantly press “ROGER”.

And then, so Molly will understand, you put him on speaker.

It rings. Once… twice… and then Roger answers.

“Jacob,” he says sternly. His voice is cold, and hard, and flat… and above all else, impatient. “What happened.”

“I…” and he cuts you off.

“You wouldn’t have called unless something happened. What happened.”

“I… there was a fire at –”

“Are you okay.”

“… I’m okay, but my apartment is –”

“Do you have a place to stay.”

“… I’m staying with Tammy and Mol–”

“Do you need money.”

“… I’ve got good insurance, and at work they’re–”

“That’s not an answer to the question I asked. Do. You. Need. Money.”

“… I don’t think so, but–”

“If you do, let me know. Is there anything else.”

“… no, I just wanted you to know th–”

“Thank you. I’ll talk to you at Christmas.”

“…okay.”

“And Jacob?”

“… yes?”

“I’m glad you’re alive.”

And then he ends the call. He doesn’t even say goodbye.

You look at the display on your phone. That whole call was barely a minute.

You glance at Molly. She’s staring at you, her mouth hanging open.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!” she exclaims.

“That was Roger,” you say. You take a deep breath, a little surprised that you don’t have tears in your eyes. “He’s always like that.”

“How can he treat you that way!”

You look at her. “That’s just how he is. With everyone. Always. At first, I thought maybe he was upset because his brother died, but… I mean, what did he say that was actually wrong?”

“He –!” and then Molly pauses, and looks thoughtful; you can tell she’s replaying the conversation in her head. Eventually she grimaces and shrugs.

“He always makes me feel like I fucked up,” you explain. “Like I am, inherently, a fuckup… but he doesn’t… I’m sure he doesn’t mean to.”

“Awww.” She puts her arms around you and hugs you tight. “I love you so much, Jacob,” she says. “You deserve good things.” She kisses you, her tits pressed against your chest. Your erection springs up again, and she grins, and reaches for it – but then your stomach growls, quite loudly.

“Haven’t had any breakfast,” you point out.

She smirks. “What, Steel-Driving Man still needs to eat?”

“Guess so. Is there anything specific I should take?”

Molly shrugs. “You want me to make you some scrambled eggs?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, I can manage it myself!”

She smiles. “I don’t have to, but I want to. This is the first time I get to make breakfast for you!”

“… okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. Could you start the laundry?”

While Molly is rummaging in the fridge for ingredients (“You want sliced bananas in the eggs?” “Yes, please”), you start the first load of effluvia-drenched towels in the washing machine.

Then you pluck your phone from the table and –

“What’re you looking at?” Molly asks.

“Multiplier. Wanna see how many points I got this morning.”

Sigrid Petersen: You called her when you were upset and couldn’t sleep: +0/+9/0 (88/82/62)
Sigrid Petersen: She was willing to skip work for you and lose a day’s salary, but you told her she didn’t have to: +1/0/0 (89/82/62)
Sigrid Petersen: “I am so fucking horny right now, Sigrid”: 0/+1/+15 (89/83/77)
Sigrid Petersen: “I don’t want to just jack off by myself. I want to cum with someone who cares about me”: 0/+8/+4 (89/91/81)
Sigrid Petersen: “I think the real answer is the sexy answer”: +5/+3/0 (94/94/81)
Sigrid Petersen: You accepted that she can’t send you nudes: +1/+1/-7 (95/95/74)
You’re A Pervert, Aren’t You? Mm-hmm: Used profile image to see someone naked (once per person); 100 points awarded.
Solo Performance Premiere: Used profile image to watch someone masturbate, for the first time; 150 points awarded.

“Huh,” you say. “That’s weird.”

“What is?”

“I got points for using the Multiplier to watch Sigrid masturbate – but it says that was the first time I did it.”

Molly’s brow furrows. “What about Sonia?”

“Yeah, that’s what’s weird.”

“Hm,” she says, and turns back to the stove.

Solo Performance: Used profile image to watch someone masturbate (once per person); 150 points awarded.
Sigrid Petersen: You did a callback to her joke: +2/0/0 (97/95/74)
Sigrid Petersen: You’re willing to be silly about sex: 0/+1/0 (97/95/74)
Sigrid Petersen: Is intrigued by the idea of you being bigger than her dildo: 0/0/+1 (97/97/75)
Sigrid Petersen: Told you she was masturbating for you, while you told her that you were masturbating for her: +1/0/+6 (98/97/81)
Sigrid Petersen: Begged you to cum in her: 0/0/+7 (98/97/88)
Big Theatrical Climax Premiere: Used profile image to watch someone have an orgasm, for the first time; 150 points awarded
Big Theatrical Climax: Used profile image to watch someone have an orgasm (once per person); 150 points awarded
Sigrid Petersen: Oh, I needed that: 0/0/-5 (98/97/83)
Always Two There Are, Premiere: Fucked someone in mastery position, for the first time. 200 points awarded.
Always Two There Are: Fucked someone in mastery position (once per person). 200 points awarded.
Always Two There Are, and One a Banjo Has: Fucked a second-degree relative in mastery position (once per person). 200 points awarded.

You blink. You’ve never heard the term “mastery position” before. Well, you’re aware that there are entire books – and lavishly illustrated websites – full of sex positions, and you suppose they all have to have names.

Patriarchy Premiere: Fucked a woman who – while you were inside her – spontaneously asked you to breed her, for the first time. 75 points awarded.
Patriarchy: Fucked a woman who – while you were inside her – spontaneously asked you to breed her (once per person). 75 points awarded.
Patriarchy with a Banjo Soundtrack: Fucked a second-degree relative who – while you were inside her – spontaneously asked you to breed her (once per person). 75 points awarded.
You’re A Pervert, Aren’t You? Mm-hmm: Used profile image to see someone naked (once per person); 100 points awarded.
Solo Performance: Used profile image to watch someone masturbate (once per person); 150 points awarded.
Big Theatrical Climax: Used profile image to watch someone have an orgasm (once per person); 150 points awarded
Hello, Nurse!: Sucked and/or bit someone’s tit (once per person). 50 points awarded.
Hello, Nurse Banjo!: Sucked and/or bit a first-degree relative’s tit (once per person). 50 points awarded.
Piano Virtuoso: Fingered someone to orgasm (once per person). 100 points awarded.
Banjo Virtuoso, with Piano Accompaniment: Fingered a first-degree relative to orgasm (once per person). 100 points awarded.
Helping Hand: Received a handjob to completion from someone (once per person); 75 points awarded
Helping Hand Plays the Banjo: Received a handjob to completion from a second-degree relative (once per person); 75 points awarded
Good for the Complexion Premiere: Came on someone’s face, for the first time; 25 points awarded
Good for the Complexion: Came on someone’s face (once per person); 25 points awarded
Good for the Complexion and the Banjo-Playing: Came on a second-degree relative’s face (once per person); 25 points awarded
Hit the Target Premiere: Came on someone’s tits, for the first time; 25 points awarded
Hit the Target: Came on someone’s tits (once per person); 25 points awarded
Hit the Target, Win a Banjo Lesson: Came on a second-degree relative’s tits (once per person); 25 points awarded

You do the math in your head. “Seven hundred for phone sex with Sigrid… four hundred for watching Penelope in the shower… three hundred for fingering your mom while I sucked her tit… and…”

You glance at Molly. She’s holding her breath expectantly.

“… we fucked with you on my lap, you gave me a handjob in the shower, I came on your face and tits, and you spontaneously asked me to breed you, so that’s a total of eleven hundred and twenty-five points.”

“Yay!” Molly says quietly. She briefly makes a triumphant fist, then resumes poking a spatula at the contents of the frying pan. “Okay, they’re just about ready.”

“Thank you so much,” you tell her as she transfers them into a bowl. “Checking my email now.”

The first thing you see is the message with the link to the folder of ferret pics, which reminds you that you still haven’t sent Eleanor the link with her apartment pics. You open your gallery app, rapidly select the … how many was it? Looks like thirty photos – bundle them into a folder, and then create a new message.

From: Jacob C

Hey, I’m really sorry I didn’t get this done yesterday – I had a lot of things to do last night, and I was exhausted.

You pause. That’s… true, but also… misleading, in a way you’re not totally comfortable with. But even if the No Jealousy attribute is affecting Eleanor the way it’s supposed to, “from now on, you’re part of my harem – and also, last night I fucked my sister and my niece” feels like the sort of thing you want to tell her in person, not in a message.

Well, you’ll figure out a way to explain it.

Here are the pics. Let me know how things turn out. <LINK>

“Can I look in the Manual?” Molly asks as you begin to eat your breakfast.

“Sure.”

She fetches your laptop and places it, open, on the table next to you.

“I know it said I can’t open the Manual, but do you wanna find out what happens if I try?”

“Go ahead.”

She double-clicks on Affection-Multiplier-instruction-manual.pdf. Nothing happens. She tries single-clicking. Nothing. She tries drag-and-drop. Nothing. She clicks the icon next to it, and tries switching to the PDF with the arrow keys. Nothing.

As far as Molly is concerned, the PDF might as well just be part of the desktop wallpaper.

She makes a face. “Well, better than being hit by lightning, I guess.”

You reach over and open the Manual for her, and she begins reading from the first page. You watch her facial expression – first, she’s just nodding, then she’s perplexed, then she whistles.

“‘ Any adult human you meet’?!?”

“Yeah, there’s a FAQ page about that. ‘Top Prospects FAQ,’” you specify as she types it into the search bar, and the page instantly appears. You take another spoonful of scrambled eggs.

“Holy shit,” Molly says after a moment of reading. “Is there more?”

“No idea,” you say, and shrug. “I only found the manual yesterday afternoon. I’ve spent like ten minutes reading it, total, and most of that was just hitting Random Page.”

“Can I?” she asks. You nod; she clicks NEXT, and… there is indeed another page of the Top Prospects™ FAQ.

Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is already happily married, or otherwise in a stable monogamous relationship?
Answer: Whether Top Prospects™ for you can be people who are happily married, or who are otherwise in stable monogamous relationships, depends on your personal stance on having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone who is already happily married or otherwise in a stable monogamous relationship.
Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is transgender?
Answer: Whether Top Prospects™ for you can be transgender depends on your personal stance on a romantic and sexual relationship with someone who is transgender.
Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is physically disabled?
Answer: Whether Top Prospects™ for you can be physically disabled depends on your personal stance on a romantic and sexual relationship with someone who is physically disabled.
Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is someone with a terminal health condition?
Answer: The Affection Multiplier does not guarantee that you will be happy forever. Even the happiest, deepest, most devoted relationships end eventually, when one of you dies. That is how the Second Law of Thermodynamics works. Live for the moment!
Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is physically unattractive?
Answer: People who you consider physically unattractive cannot be Top Prospects™. That said, you might be surprised by what you like. Try expanding your horizons!
Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is of the wrong racial or ethnic group?
Answer: If you want to pass up a >92.3471% chance of a successful romantic and sexual relationship with someone you find physically attractive just because they’re of the wrong racial or ethnic group, that’s your choice.
Question: What do I do if a Top Prospect™ is underage?
Answer: For technical reasons, the Affection Multiplier cannot track, assess, or affect individuals who are less than 6709 days old.

You do the math in your head. 18 years, 4 months, and… some variable number of days.

You glance at Molly. Her eyes are closed and she’s got her tongue poking out between her lips…

“Huh!” she says after a moment. “Sonia’s sixty-seven hundred and nineteen days old! Good thing the fire was this week, I guess!”

Then she turns red. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” she says desperately. “I didn’t mean –”

You sigh. “It’s okay,” you reassure her. “I understand.”

“I’m just excited for her that she gets to be yours.”

“Assuming that happens, sure.”

Her brow furrows. “What – why wouldn’t it?”

You shrug. “Any number of reasons? 92.3% chance of success is 7.7% chance of failure, right?”

“Yeah, but… you want to fuck her, right? You think she’s pretty?”

“Of course I do, but I can’t just assume things will work out. Contingency plans.”

She sighs. “I guess.”

“Which is why I should start looking at apartment ads,” you say gently, and reach for the laptop.

She sighs again. “You done breakfast? Want something to drink?”

“Yes, and… what do you have?”

She takes your empty bowl, puts it in the sink, and checks the fridge. “We do still have wine, and soda, but… breakfastwise, we’ve got skim milk, cashew milk, orange juice, and…” she laughs. “We actually have pineapple juice, would you believe?”

You laugh too. “Some of that, then, please,” you say, and then you open your browser and go to Apartvark.

You type in your budget (assuming your salary doesn’t change), and specify a radius of 25 miles from your job, and access to mass transit. You get a lot more results than you had anticipated, and as you begin reading them (and Molly brings you your glass of juice), you notice something.

Most of the ads that look promising… say that you should call and ask to speak to a woman.

And you’ve already got five girlfriends. Yes, they’re all willing to share with each other (it still feels weird to just take that as a given without even asking them, but you have no reason to doubt that the No Jealousy attribute will keep working), and yes, the idea of being able to fuck any woman you meet is amazing, but… could you overload yourself? Just in terms of being able to keep track of everyone and remember who she is and what are the details of her life?

Maybe it’d be a better idea to first call the ads that say to ask for men.

You scroll down, past “ask for Fatima” and “call Leah” and “text Dorothy” and… ah, there’s one. “Ask for Sweeney,” it says, and the description sounds okay and the pictures look reasonable, so you pick up your phone and call the number.

“Hi, I’m calling about the apartment, it said to ask for Sweeney?” you say.

“Oh, sure!” a young woman says. “Hold on – Mom! Someone’s calling for number 11! … yeah, mom’ll be a moment, sorry.”

You blink. “Uh, that’s okay,” you say, half-hoping that she and her mom are Top Prospects, and half-hoping that they’re not. Whichever – given how little interaction it took for the Multiplier to start tracking Shondra, you’re positive it’s already noticed the daughter. “I, uh… I thought ‘Sweeney’ was a guy’s name? ‘Sweeney Todd’, like?”

She makes that little swooping “Iunno” noise that you’ve only ever been able to think of as a verbal shrug. “Sometimes it is. And don’t mention the musical to her, it’ll piss her off. Anything you wanna know about the apartment?”

“Uh… is it nice?”

“What, you think I’d tell you no, it’s full of rats and bedbugs, go somewhere else?”

“ANGELA!” you hear a woman exclaim, and there’s a series of noises as, you assume, Sweeney grabs the phone out of Angela’s hand.

“Hi!” Sweeney says. “I’m so sorry! There are no rats! There are no bedbugs! I’m sorry! Angela is just –”

If you ended the call right now, without even saying anything, the Multiplier probably wouldn’t start tracking her. You could do it.

But if you do anything with Angela, you’ll probably end up meeting Sweeney in person anyway, and… who knows, maybe she’s unattractive or married or… something. And you’re gonna have to get used to the Multiplier affecting everything, really.

And you do still need to look at apartments.

“… hello?” Sweeney says, and you realize that she’s been talking for several seconds.

“Oh, uh, sorry, I was distracted. No, I believe you. No rats, no bedbugs. Uh, when could I come by and have a look?”

“This morning is fine. You’re actually the first one to call.”

You talk to her about logistics for a few more minutes, and then end the call. Molly is watching you.

“Think she’s a Top Prospect?” she asks.

You shrug. “Dunno, I’ll look later. Incidentally, it’s almost ten – how are you getting to campus?”

“I –” and Molly winces. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Normally I get a ride with either Mom or Sonia.”

“I’m taking a taxi to a bus stop – want to come along?”

She sighs. “Yeah, that’ll have to do.”