Every journey begins with a single step

Josiah stepped out of the bathroom, steam practically billowing behind her as she wrapped the towel around herself and then adjusted the one on her head. The shower had done little to clear her mind in spite of what she'd desperately hoped. The crack of thunder outside, almost as if the sky itself were screaming on her behalf, did more to illustrate her frustration than words ever could.

Why can't I write anything? Josiah thought. It was a question that felt like it crossed her mind just about every day now. No matter how hard she tried, sitting in front of her laptop, the story hidden away in her brain wouldn't reveal itself. Acceptance, supposedly, was the last stage of grief but Josiah was sure she hadn't reached that yet. The tears that had sprung forth over her own inability to provide for Vivian and herself had been many but they too eventually dried up. Now, she simply found that every day, the feeling of hollowness followed her wherever she went, no matter what it was that Josiah decided to do.

Going to school for English had been something her parents had warned her against. She'd dismissed their concerns about how it would be difficult to pay the bills consistently by bringing up how many awards she'd gotten when she was younger for pieces she'd written. Even the short stories and novellas she'd been tasked with writing in college had impressed her professor. Try as she might, however, nothing seemed to flow from Josiah's fingertips when she put them to a keyboard. She was either left as Vivian's kept woman or begging mom and dad for cash every so often to help out with the expenses.

She stopped in front of the mirror that sat near the window of her bedroom, staring at the sad, disheveled woman who met her gaze. She was drop dead gorgeous, that much she knew, but now... now it felt like she could see every flaw. The bags she had if she didn't bother hiding them with makeup, the slight crookedness of her frown, the light peach fuzz that rested itself on her upper lip that she hadn't bothered to remove in a few days. Josiah closed her eyes, letting her teeth grind together, as she shook her head. Zeroing in on the small things would only send her spiraling. What she really needed to do was focus and, as much as she loathed the idea of digging up her resume from whatever deep, dark corner of her computer's filing system it was trapped in, apply for jobs. Right now, her marriage wasn't a partnership. Josiah only acted like a ball-and-chain. A trophy wife who could look good on Vivian's arm at business-related functions but brought little to their commitment to one another outside of teary-eyed moping for glory days that felt like they'd long since passed her by.

Reaching up, Josiah undid the towel keeping her long, raven hair in place, letting it cascade her shoulders before, after a moment's hesitation, she undid its twin around her waist and let it fall to the ground. Josiah's closeness to the cold pane of the window caused goose bumps to immediately sprout across her skin and she watched her almond nipples harden at their sudden exposure to the proverbial elements. No matter what had happened to her since graduating, she knew that she could still turn heads wherever she went. All the boys around her had never been able to get enough of her and nearly every girl had turned green with jealousy. With deep, deep cleavage, a taut tummy, leading to thick hips, along with legs that went on for days and an ass that you could bounce a quarter off of, she was every teenage boy's wet dream of the perfect woman easily, if she were to put aside false modesty.

But she'd never used her looks to get anything before. Her parents had told her that it wasn't how someone looked that would ultimately determine what sort of mark they left on the world, but what was inside their head. Josiah had believed them; she'd applied herself at every opportunity she could and had decided long ago that she wanted to have as much brains as she did beauty. That was ephemeral and one day it would fade away - though perhaps she'd age more gracefully than some. Still, as Josiah bit her lip, turning about in front of the mirror to get a better look at herself, she did wonder. How easy would it be to manipulate someone at an interview if she wore a blouse that showed just enough of her breasts? Perhaps she might even be able to 'accidentally' bend over to pick something up in front of them, showing off one of her thongs to them...

How **** can you get? Josiah thought with a shake of her head. She couldn't even believe she'd contemplated such a thing. If she started doing that, then it would only lead to unwanted attention, and that meant things could escalate to a point beyond her control. She'd already had people leer at her before at jobs - and sometimes they were even customers! Like everyone else who was even slightly attractive, the undeserved belief that others were owed a right to Josiah's body had never been something she could pretend to be ignorant of. People had been creepy towards her ever since she'd hit puberty with stride and they hadn't bothered to stop since.

Besides, as an ugly lump began to form in the pit of her stomach, the thought of betraying Vivian in that way made her feel sick. There was no way she could bear to look at those soulful brown eyes when they woke up in the morning together if she got her position due to something like that. The two of them had known each other for their entire lives. Hell, there had been no other choice for whom Josiah would marry after she met the shy girl in kindergarten and her heart was stolen from her. A secret, no matter how much it might benefit them in the short term, was something she could never keep from Vivian even if she wanted to.

"Josie!" a voice rang out suddenly, cutting through the silence of the house, and sending a jolt of electricity down Josiah's spine. "I'm back early today!"

In spite of all of Josiah's problems, a smile crept its way across her lips involuntarily. No matter how miserable she might otherwise be, when Vivian came home, all suddenly felt right with the world. Her heart pounded a bit in her chest as she cleared her throat and tried to find the strength to project her voice above the storm.

"Upstairs, Viv," Josiah responded.

Before Josiah could even reach down to put the towel back on, the door to their room was thrust open, and Vivian strode in, standing tall and proud in her black business suit and white undershirt. As her eyes took in the room, and then Josiah's state of undress, her eyes widened and then settled into a teasing expression as she bounded over to her.

"Wearing my favorite outfit of yours, I see," Vivian said with a broad smile, using a finger to tilt Josiah's chin upwards. Their lips met, tongues swirling gently against one another, before they broke apart. Vivian rested her forehead against Josiah's, the latter taking in the opportunity to inhale her wife's perfume. Unnameable, but unmistakably Viv's, the floral scent filled her nostrils utterly.

"Did you put it on for a special occasion?" Vivian murmured, one of her hands that had wrapped around Josiah's waist having moved on to more pleasurable pursuits, like grabbing a handful of her bum in one hand and giving it a playful smack after she let her grip go.

"...No," Josiah said, leaning her against Vivian's shoulder. "I was just thinking about things and got lost in my thoughts, that's all."

Vivian stopped her affectionate groping, the hand still holding onto her waist suddenly tightening, and the hand that had been exploring Josiah just a moment ago settled, rubbing circles against her lower back.

"It's okay," Vivian murmured. "I'm here, alright? I can stand as long as you need me to."

There was something about Vivian that always made Josiah want to tell her everything, but this one of those few times that words failed her. Instead, tears that she hadn't even known she'd let build up slowly began to leak out of the corners of her eyes, and Josiah buried her face into Vivian's collar. The slow sniffle that had begun to work its way out of her gave way to labored breathing as her whole body began to shudder.

Worthless, her brain sneered at her.

Lazy, it snarled.

But most damning of all...

Useless.

"I didn't write anything today," Josiah managed to croak out.

"Oh, Josie. There's always tomorrow."

"You said that last time. The time before that too. When the hell is 'tomorrow' going to show up?" Josiah growled into her suit jacket.

"Can't rush things, you know? When it comes to you-"

"But it never does!" Josiah suddenly felt herself yelling, pushing herself away from Vivian, fists balling beside her. "I sit, and sit, and sit some fucking more. I don't do anything around here! I'm just... just..."

The tears burned as they fell from her eyes, stinging as they fell. Josiah's nails dug into her palms and for a minute she had to admit that the pain felt good. It was exactly what someone like her needed - deserved. She'd never lost control of herself like this before, not in front of her precious Vivian, and the self-loathing she felt at the concerned look that had overtaken her partner's midnight black features was impossible to put into words that any language could rightly describe.

"You should find someone else. A man, a woman - someone who'll know how to uplift you and not be a leech."

Shock sat on Vivian's face like a second layer of makeup, her eyes wide, mouth agape behind a palm she'd brought to her mouth. The glint of Vivian's wedding ring was illuminated a moment later when lightning ripped its way across the sky outside.

"No," Vivian sputtered, looking at Josiah as if she'd grown two heads. "Josie - Josiah, I'd never, ever -"

Her train of thought seemed to die in her throat, almost as if she weren't able to comprehend the thought that Josiah had finally voiced after months of keeping it locked away as if it were a half-starved, abused animal. A stillness reigned between them as Vivian stood there, clearly unsure of what to say or do, and almost certainly feeling utterly helpless at how to comfort her.

"We can't... I can't keep going on like this, Viv."

"When we got married, do you remember what I told you?" Vivian finally asked, finding her voice. "That no matter how long it took, that I would support us?"

"That's not the issue-"

"No, Josie, maybe it isn't. But the fact that the firm allows us to afford this?" Vivian said, gesturing around at their lavish surroundings. "It means it can let us have other things too. Tomorrow we can start looking for a doctor."

"Vivian..."

Vivian shook her head, holding up a palm.

"This is my fault. I should've... should've been able to tell how much this was hurting you. I'm your wife, your best friend, and I couldn't see that before today. I'm sorry, Josiah, but you need help."

There was a beat.

"Forgive me, okay?"

Suddenly, Josiah felt very small, in spite of her proportions. Even if she couldn't manage to stare down at her feet, she desperately wanted to. The anger that had been coursing through her bloodstream just a few seconds ago died, drying up as soon as she heard the pain in her wife's tone of voice. Josiah's mouth opened, closed, and felt as dry as a Mojave lake bed.

"Nothing to forgive," Josiah mumbled.

Uncertainly, unsteadily, she began to make her way toward the other woman. When she reached her, she grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her another kiss. This time, though, rather than the simple pleasantry of being separated for a few hours and saying hello again, it communicated something else: an understanding. Then, after a moment, Josiah smiled to herself and moved from Vivian's neck to her jawline, suckling on the flesh underneath her lips. The squeak of surprise that escaped the businesswoman's mouth made a small amount of warmth begin to spread throughout her paramour.

"But, you know, it is a crime you've worn that for this long..."