Eventful, you are ambushed, by RejectTed

“RejectTed is the worst author we ever covered.”

“What the fuck, Marcie?”

“It brings me physical pain every time I have to write out that asinine username!”

“You are just salty that you got the name wrong.”

“I am decidedly not “salty”. It is an objective fact that the name would be better if it missed that first t. Ted has ruined what would otherwise be a great pun! And he needs to be hold accountable for that!”

“That’s nice, Marcie. But this isn’t Marcie and Gina read username’s.”

“Oh, you did not just go there! Haa...alright, I am calm. I am calm. Let us just get on with it.”

“Good, have you taken a look at that answer chapter?”

“I tried to. I got about a quarter into this incomprehensible gibberish before I fainted.”

“From what I understand the bitches bitched that there was no narration.”

“Only fools need narration. Maybe Lois and Blaze will entertain them at some point.”

“And there is some bit about me wearing a pony mask. I don’t get it.”

“That sounds like pet play. Surprisingly enough we never did that. That is more Marel’s type of fetish.

“Yeah alright, I feel we wasted enough time. We have to read another story from Ted, right?”

“I will not enjoy this, but indeed we are, covering this wretched author again. This time with Eventful, you are ambushed, by Rejec...tTed.”

“Is this some fancy ass attempt at poetry?”

“No Gina, it is a branch in a story called Bondage in Space.”

“Huh, so some Sci-fi shit?”

“We actually had a couple of these. Aqua City One comes to mind and of course Galactic Adventures by Aqualis. That brings me back.”

“Don’t forget Jerk’s Sissy story. When is that fuck finally requesting a follow up?”

“Way more surprising, this will be the first story with a focus on bondage.”

“Huh? Really.”

“Strange, right? It was of course present in a lot of stories but never the main point. You could definitely tell that Ted had quite the kink for it in Lustful Valhalla, though. Hmph, let’s see if he managed to not make a mockery of the English language this time.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“...Gina?”

“Eyyyaaaahhh w-what?”

“You where blushing like crazy trough this whole read.”

“urgh...n-no way It’s not that I like Natalia or anything!”

“Oh boy. I don’t think I saw you have such a crush on a girl since..Lunnara?”

“I don’t have a crush on that stupid bounty hunter. I’m not into that type of evil dom’s at all!”

“Well, I suppose Natalia is quite similar to me.”

“No, Marcie, you are about as far removed from her as possible.”

“Hmpf, very well. So this is the story of a galactic bounty hunter. Basically Samus Aran but much more evil. The first few chapters see her capture a fugitive named Melodia. But since the first few chapters are not by Ted we will not focus on them.”

“What we can focus on is the fucking carnage Natalia goes on! Like holy fuck, she gets ambushed by some space marines and is just blasting the shit out of all of them while dragging Melodia along for the ride in a slutty maid outfit!”

“Alright, fine. I concede it. Natalia crawling trough the vents and dropping down on these fools like a Xenomorph was pretty great. However, there is a catch.”

“What?”

“According to Ted, this chapter was mostly written by the original author, which explains the lack of spelling mistakes.”

“So you mean three pages in and we haven’t even properly started this review? Great.”

Obsticles and Opportunities

“And look, the moment he has to come up with something on his own the spelling mistakes pick up. He even misspells chapter titles. How pitiful.”

“For fuck’s sake Marcie, stop being such a spiteful bitch.”

“That’s rich coming from you. I just don’t get what you see in that brain bounty hunter.”

“...waaait.”

“What?”

“Marcie, are you fucking jealous of Natalia?”

“...o-of course not!”

“Gyahahahahahahaha!”

“I can do bondage!”

“Bwahahahahaha!”

“Stop laughing! urggghhh!”

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

“And we are back. Had to tongue fuck Marcie to make her stop throwing a tantrum but I think we are good now.”

“You didn’t have to mention that.”

“So, back to the story. Natalia and Melodia almost escape, but then Melodia gets captured and we get the choice to go back for her or flee.”

“Well, you basically screamed bloody , so we had to go back. Which resulted in Natalia finally getting overwhelmed and captured.”

“Ugh, I don’t like this.”

“You really would have preferred if she just kept steamrolling trough the ship, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah!”

“So, we get some pretty brutal water here. While I think the story is mostly on the lighthearted side there are still some grizzly bondage scenes in it. Ted can get pretty creative, I have to give him that.”

“Yeah! But then Natalia gets rescued by Melodia, which is awesome!”

“Ok, this is the proper place to air my grievances.”

“You mean you haven’t done so this entire fucking review?”

“The last we see from Melodia is her getting sucked into the air vent by an unknown assailant. She then managed to escape, impersonate an officer and save Natalia.”

“Your point, Marcie?”

“My point is that we don’t see any of that. It is a pretty poor form of storytelling to get a character out of a peril by just saying it happened off screen.”

“Bullshit, it was established that Melodia was a con artist! It shouldn’t be that hard for her to fool these chumps.”

“Well, after that snafu out of the way, the two managed to escape. Since Melodia saved Natalia’s life, the bounty honor doesn’t turn her over and they two lived happily ever after, the end. Or not.”

“Yeah, the fuck is up with that? Ted calls the end of the story and even writes an epilogue and then just keeps going?”

“As expected, Ted has no clue how to properly plan a story.”

“So, here we get some uh...whats that fancy thing called again, Marcie?”

“Vignettes.”

“Yeah, these things, we get a couple of these things of all the adventures the two have together.”

“Alright, time for another complaint. I really don’t like doing this but my work ethic compels me to point out just how atrocious this author truly is.”

“Just get on with it, Marcie.”

“The finale, so to speak is a spoof on Star Wars Sarlacc pit in which Natalia defeats Thane. Ah, Thane is the leader of those space marine who captured and water tortured her earlier.”

“Yes, what is your point?”

“So, Thane managed to capture Natalia again. The bounty hunter gets dangled on a rope above aforementioned Sarlacc pit while Melodia has to keep her from dropping down.”

“It’s a pretty hot scene. So what the fuck is your deal?”

“My fucking deal, Gina, is that this scene is told via a flashback, meaning we already know Natalia would not fall to her fleshy doom! Because of this, there is absolutely no tension.”

“I mean, I wasn’t really expecting that to happen anyways.”

“And guess what? The same issue as before, the scene just cuts in the middle of the fight to Natalia having won! You can’t just cut to black whenever you have no idea how to make the heroes win!”

“At the very least Melodia gets to be a badass again.”

“The chemistry between the two is good enough, I guess. Although I personally would have preferred a bit of a rivalry/freenemy angle to them. Melodia is just too submissive for my taste.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Marcie? Cutie is a way bigger doormat and your obsessed with the little brat.”

“Yeah, but he is a boy. I don’t mind submissive boy’s but with my girls I want a bit of fire. I want to conquer them, you know what I mean?”

“Besides, that spot is pretty much covered by Thane.”

The lady Napoleon grabs a plate of cheese hors d'oeuvre that somehow survived the gun fight mostly intact and throws them at you while letting out a high-pitched roar.

“Alright, I will give Ted that much. The rivalry Natalia and Thane have going on is pretty amusing. Thane is extremely petty and vindictive even when she absolutely has the upper hand.”

Now that I think about it, Marcie. You two are remarkably similar.”

“I just pretend, I didn’t hear that.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Well then, I suppose that about sums it up. Ted still manages to make absurd errors, like misspelling vain as vane, uses anachronism(Napoleon) that have absolutely no place in this setting and has a resoundingly poor grasp on tension. If we look past all that we are left with a psychopathic sadist of a main character. At least no one speaks like a mental patient, I guess.”

“Getting really tired of your shit, Marcie.”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you Gina. From a subjective standpoint I’m just not that big into the pain aspect of BDSM. I felt bad for that last girl.”

“Oh, come on! For a story written by a loser virgin nerd this was pretty great. You are way too hard on this!”

“From my point of view you are too soft. Do you have any complains at all about this story?”

“I hate how it ends. I feel like there is plenty of potential here for a longer story, but Ted just goes for that memory recap bullshit.”

“Well, there are other branches.”

“Yeah, but they all sound like shit. I want Natalia and Melodia to be toget...actually I have a complaint. A pretty big one actually.”

“Yes?”

“Their names suck!”

“That is not Ted’s fault.”

“I’m just saying. I like this one. It’s a good story. Stop not liking stuff I like. It makes me angry.”

“Alright, alright, lets just wrap this up already. You obviously masturbated to it.”

“Actually, I didn’t.”

“What?”

“Look Marcie, I like this story but it’s more in a aww look at this adorable little great white shark pup, kind of way.”

“Aha.”

“It’s too brutal for me to actual get off to it, I wanted some nice cuddle scene between Nat and Melo but that only happens right at the end and even then it was barely touched upon!”

“My, My. So despite your glowing praise for the story, it didn’t even fulfill it’s main purpose. Ohohohoho! How embarrassing!”

“You are way too excited about me not getting off. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Did you get off to it?”

“D-don’t be silly. Isn’t it obvious?”

“You did, didn’t you?”

“...yes.”

snicker

“Urgh, shut it!”

“So, Marcie. Which scene was it? The one with the electric ? The tentacle flesh pit? The mouth to cunt cum transfer? The cunt biting? Don’t tell me it was the fucking dickgirl testicle .”

“None of them did anything for me. It was the scene with Mr. Apple.”

“MR. APPLE!”

“What can I say, the whole thing was very erotic.”

“Marcie, what the fuck? I don’t think that was even meant to be sexy! Jesus fucking christ.”

“Hmpf! Whatever! This stupid story got me off! Are you happy now, Gina?”

“I mean yeah. Didn’t have that much fun in a long time. Knowing you hate masturbated to something really makes my day.”

“Ugghhh! Curse you, Teeeeeeed!”