Emotional Subduction

John was... uncertain, for the first time in a long while, as he sat in bed that night. Uncertain what to think, uncertain how to feel, and most certainly very uncertain about what to do next.

He was sitting in the overly firm, overly used mattress of the cheap hotel they'd rented, staring down at the woman lying beside him. Layla was snoozing lightly, happily **** with a smile on her face as she lay with her body only inches away from John's. Her intrusion was the cause of most of John's turbulent emotions, but John had now had a few hours to get over the initial displeasure and annoyance at the abrupt change to his plans.

After the initial shock wore off, John's rational side quickly won out. Having Layla along was a net positive, even if it did inconvenience them somewhat in terms of travel. Her aura sensing abilities were a massive asset, and if it hadn't been for the guilt of dragging her into an incredibly dangerous trip and mission, John would have asked her along in the first place. Her coming along of her own volition solved the guilt, no matter what sleeping arrangements it complicated...

No, it wasn't guilt that John was dealing with – he was surprised to find that it was envy.

Layla hadn't asked many questions of John after her arrival. Even with the information he now feared was mostly public knowledge, she didn't bother to ask where he sent the others. She never questioned the collar that Arista wore, though John was sure it was both conspicuous and easily recognizable to someone more experienced with the Abyss than he was. She didn't even mention John's long absence, or ask for more details on their mission after John explained they were travelling to the west to find someone who could help them against the incoming incursion of the Northern Ashes.

The only thing she offered to her own motivations was that she'd also been concerned about the encroachment of Necromancers, that she had friends and family she was concerned about. Then she had asked what time he wanted her to be awake by, set the alarm clock on the hotel nightstand, and was out cold in less than thirty minutes.

The relative silence was odd enough, considering to what lengths she had gone to find John... what really made John envious, though, was the ease and comfort with which she seemed to be sleeping.

Over the past year, John's traumas and paranoias had evolved and coalesced into an assumption that – outside of his private world – he was constantly in danger of being attacked. It was an attitude that most seemed to share, despite how much John had belittled their pessimism during his introduction to the Abyss. Moira had nearly attacked him the first time they met, Kim had taken multiple meetings to treat him as anything more than a tool, Julianna had pinned him against the wall for not greeting him with a passphrase the moment she opened his door... indeed, if anything, John's distaste for the world seemed common, if not almost mild compared to those he encountered.

So how was it that Layla seemed so immune to so much of the world's taint? How was it that she had so much faith in him with little to cause such belief from himself? The first time they'd met, she had approached him of her own volition, not to ask something of him or to try to assert herself, but rather simply to introduce herself and be friendly. Even back then, it had seemed suspicious... but then she had continued to look out for him, even when he had never had the opportunity to look out for her himself.

She had warned him about Willow tailing him in the markets. She had answered his call to go on the seemingly suicidal rescue mission directly into Albidian territory. She had never hesitated even once when he texted her, sporadically and without reciprocation, throwing her back into the fray as he exterminated the last remnants of the Albidian cells. And now... now she was seemingly sleeping soundly, only inches away from a man she had no reason to trust except some strange fascination with his aura.

John wanted to be suspicious of her, wanted to simply believe that she was manipulating him in some way, but she never tried to push him in any particular direction. In fact, so far as he could tell, Layla never seemed to have any desires of her own at all... no desire except to be near him.

It was a devotion that rivalled Sophia's, one he simultaneously couldn't believe and yet couldn't mount any evidence against. John was annoyed at her sudden and unexpected arrival, exasperated by yet another wrench thrown into his plans, and yet... he couldn't be anything but grateful for all that she had actually done for him. Whatever suspicions John held, whatever doubts lay in his heart, Layla at least appeared completely devoted to him.

And the look of contentment, the utter satisfaction on her face as she somehow dozed peacefully inches away from someone she'd barely known outside of the context of life-or-**** battles... that was something John hadn't known the comfort of many times, certainly not in the past year. Even his nights in the Order barracks had felt awkward, spent wondering about his family left behind in his new world and the strange looks he got from some of the Order when he was walking around in the halls with Seras at his side. Seeing her trust someone she had no reason to, as if she were immune to the horrors, betrayal, and malice of the Abyss itself... in a sense, it inspired him. It also made him a bit envious. This was the first time John had been on the other end of the lectures about innocence and the horrors of the Abyss...

It was a chasm he did not appreciate finding himself having crossed.

"Sleep well, Layla..." John whispered, finding a soft smile crossing his face as he stared down at the woman. As if she had heard him in her sleep, the same smile mirrored itself on her lips. John reached over, as if to gently run his fingers through her hair... then he thought better of it, slowly pulling back and sighing to himself. Whether Layla trusted him or not - whether she'd have appreciated the gesture or not – he needed to keep his guard up.

John's eyes shifted toward the clock on the wall. It was only half-past one in the morning.

"Five more hours 'til dawn," John thought with a grimace. "It's going to be a long night."

A long night it most certainly was. It wasn't the first night John had passed without training since the upgrade of his Gamer's Body, but it was definitely the first one he had spent doing so without the company of his lovers and family. Without even being able to make too much noise, it was a slow, tense night – always wondering if any noise outside was a late night cigarette by one of his neighbors, or an ambush ready to be unleashed.

Layla hardly stirred during the night, even when John was restlessly shifting beside her. The most reaction he got out of her was when he nearly knocked the bedside table over when he heard someone trying the handle to their door. John had already drawn his sword and equipped his armor from his inventory, and accidentally kneed the bedside table as he stood to face the intruders. He was just about to tell Layla to wake up when he heard a soft voice from outside the door.

"Fuckin'... why ain't my key workin'? Piece of- ah, fuck, it's the wrong goddamn floor..."

The sound of swaying, stumbling footsteps led away from the door, but John didn't look away from it until a full minute had passed – and even then, he did not return his equipment to its place. He only allowed himself a quick glance back to the bed, where he saw Layla softly smiling at him just before she closed her eyes once more. John sighed and returned the table to its original place, closing the drawer he'd knocked half-open, before resuming his vigil.

When the alarm on his phone finally sounded the time for their departure, John breathed a loud sigh of relief. John twisted the rings on his fingers to contact Vallya and Sophia as soon as he turned the alert off. There was a brief whisper of mental static too brief to glean anything from, and then John felt a silence fall across the tethers between worlds.

"It's time for us to depart," John thought, as clearly as he could manage. "You have five minutes. Make your preparations."

John received no response, but was certain his message had been relayed. He took note of the time and stood up, once more donning his blade and armor as he began to stride around the room, stretching his stiffened muscles.

"Thank you for watching over me," Layla said from behind him as he paced around the room. John spared the raven-haired girl a sideways glance before continuing his patrol.

"You don't have to thank me... I owe you a great deal, and you have asked very little in return," John said, trying not to make his suspicions and apprehension too obvious.

"It would have been easy to leave me behind, to go wherever you sent your friends while I stayed here alone. I remember you disappearing after we hunted down the Albidians for the very first time..." Layla whispered, looking down at the floor. "You could have joined them. Could have left me alone, unprotected."

"I wouldn't do that," John said, shaking his head. "I wouldn't leave you alone to fend for yourself after what you've done for me. The least I can do is to watch over you."

John left it there, not wanting to explain or question his own thought processes any further for fear of alienating Layla. Not wanting to explain how her being in the room made leaving impossible, for fear of an ambush on their return. How her very presence meant they were more likely to be raided and ambushed upon return since there would be some magical presence left within the room. How some part of him – no matter how small or unreasonable – was afraid she'd be waiting for him with a knife upon his return.

"Well, thank you all the same," Layla said, averting her eyes from him. "Your presence... comforted me through the night. It was good to have someone protecting me."

"If there's one thing you can always count on me for," John said, sighing, "it's to be on guard. I'll call up the others soon. Layla, I have to admit I'm rather curious... how is it that-"

John cut himself off, thinking better of asking Layla why she trusted him so much. If she was truly so devoted to him, the question would only place a wedge between them, or make him seem as paranoid as he truly had become. If she was faking her devotion, it would only raise suspicions and let her know he was in disbelief of her act.

"How is it that what?" Layla asked, gently resting her head on her fingers without yet getting out of the bed.

"How is it that you haven't asked me a single question about my abilities?" John asked. It wasn't entirely a cover-up – it was something else that John was rather curious about, but had no reason to ask so directly. It was also a question that implied a bit of doubt, though, so John was quick to clarify.

"It's just... well, like you said, you watched me vanish a year ago when we first began our crusade against the Albidians. You've seen enough of Sophia, Vallya, Lerianna... you even met Mithra during our initial rescue. You know they aren't human, and I have no idea what you've read about me from the information the Albidians released, but I know it isn't the full picture. But you've never even asked me a single question about anything I do – you even saw me combining my powers with Sophia first-hand.... aren't you at all curious?"

Layla looked toward the ground for a moment, but although she averted her eyes, there was a warmth in her expression that never left. There was a passion in her eyes that seemed almost subdued, if not hidden, as she slowly met John's gaze and sighed.

"I knew you were special and unique from the moment that I first felt that strange aura of yours, John," Layla half-whispered. "I look forward to the day that you feel like you can share things with me, but asking before then would only make us both uncomfortable. Until then I understand your **** to trust."

"And you're... fine with that?" John asked, mentally slapping himself for pushing an issue that Layla was making clear didn't exist.

"It's..." Layla paused, averting her eyes for a long moment. The briefest touch of a frown crossed her face, but vanished just as easily. "I will be... happier when you can trust me one day. Until then, I chose this path because it makes me the happiest that I can see myself. I wouldn't have shown up like I did if I was unhappy with how you've treated me."

Despite her words, there was a strange sadness in Layla's voice... but for some reason, John got the impression that it wasn't directed toward him. Layla's eyes were far away, and she looked strangely uncomfortable. The fact it didn't seem to be sadness at their working relationship was a bit baffling to John, though. Layla must have truly seen something special in him if she was actually happy with being called upon mostly for her abilities, and rarely spoken to for longer than an hour past the mission's completion. That, or she had lower self-esteem than John himself...

"...Thank you, Layla," John said earnestly, looking toward the door to the room as if wishing he could escape through it at that very moment. "When this is over... now that my grief is not so prominent, if there is anything I can do for you, do not hesitate to ask, Layla. You've helped me a great deal... I won't hesitate to help you to the same extent."

"I appreciate the offer, John," Layla said, her eyes returning to him for a moment with a light that he had never seen before within her.