Elin, a soldier

Elin Sjögren walked down the long white beach watchin the ocean devour the sun as the clouds themselves were rendered with a blush.
She was on leave from Fort Pendleton for a week, and boy was she going to use it well. Have fun, go to the beach and just binge all the movies she had been hyped about.

How lucky she was too. This must be the one beach in California without even one person around. Only her, the tall blonde with toned slim body and C-cup breasts currently suspended by a blue bikini tied with a string.
She had planted her bag the perfect distance from the water and her towel there on the sand. Not even so much as a trace of anyone else was there, which was really strange; but not unwelcome.
Once she had rubbed the lotion on her body she ran straight to the ocean carressing the beach with frothing waves.

Just then she ran past something buried in the sign and stopped in her tracks. A wooden board with the words "WARNING!" written in big red alarming letters.
....oh crap. Of course there was a reason there weren't any people. Elin had just been the last person to read the sign that some inconsiderate person had buried in the sand, along with the clarification of what was being warned.
She picked up the warning sign and dusted off the sand stuck on the board, so she could read it.
"WARNING! Sexual predator and pervert! Do not get within six feet of the person holding the board..."
Elin had to lean in and squint her eyes to read the rest of the text as it was too small...
"Or she will attack and ****."

Elin blinked. Was this some kind of joke? A really sick joke too! That sign didn't make any sense!
She'll just discard it when she gets back into the city and that will be that.
For now, it's time to take a dip.