Eating at Big Bang Burger

Our group had evacuated the meta-verse a distance away from the courthouse. We had to avoid being spotted as best as possible when going through the other world, popping out of nowhere right by a heavy concentration of police would not be the best call. The bright lights and oversaturated colours of the casino faded away to good old welcoming greys of the regular tarmac reality. It took my eyes a second to adjust to the darker evening sun drooping it’s weary head towards the horizon.

“Phwah~! That was a long day!” said Ryuji, hanging his weary body low as we reached the real world, “But it still feels like we’ve barely gone anywhere in there…”

The annoying titter of Akechi filled the air, “Hmhm, that is the nature of palaces, I’m afraid.”

“Still, we made progress ahead of schedule. Let’s take tomorrow off and regain our strength for when Joker wants us to return to the palace.” Morgana surmised from my bag, nodding up at me.

“Right.” We all agreed before beginning our usual seperation ritual. The team began stretching their muscles out after a long day of fighting (something Makoto insisted we do) while mindlessly chatting about the events of the day. All of us walking down the street together, though it wouldn't last long. As usual, the idea would be to separate to go home in the various directions we all lived, but as I began to walk towards the train station I found that I had a tagalong.

“Um, Joker…?” asked a sweet dainty voice, looking up at me with rather intrigued eyes, “a-are you hungry? W-would you like to go get some dinner t-together?”

“Haru~! I was going to ask him that!” Ann whined, quickly latching onto my arm, “Whattaya say? Before she feeds you more elephant dung coffee, let’s go get some beef bowls, Joker!”

The burger princess pouted angrily in protest, “I-It was just one time!”

“Hm, alternatively are you feeling tired, Ren? My apartment is quite close if you’d prefer to rest there,” said Makoto, throwing her own hat in the ring, “Then we could order a meal, or I could make you someth-”

“Walking right into the boss zone? That’s not relaxing at all! Let’s just fast travel home and make some curry!” demanded Futaba as she latched onto my other arm.

“He has curry all the time, we literally had to eat some in the palace today! I say beef bowl!”

“I’d be happy to pay for your meal if you’d like to go somewhere upmarket, Joker.”

“We know Sae isn’t home! Maybe we can get some additional tactical advantage at my house!”

“Sojiro is waiting! Home home home!”

“Uhm.” I finally got out, and they all looked at me like my opinion was the only thing that mattered in the world. Like picking one of them would mean I’d basically proposed to that one girl… “W-we could all go have food together?”

The cowards way out, and though they looked disappointed they also all quickly agreed to it.

“An excellent idea, Joker!” Concurred Yusuke, smiling happily with his eyes closed and hand landing impactively on my shoulder, “A way for us to all bond as teammates after a long day of battle. I assume you are paying, correct?” I hadn’t really even expected the invite to extend to everyone everyone. Though not totally against it with how intense the girls were acting...

….wait, Akechi is hanging around too??? He looks annoyed with that courteous smile he throws around, but waiting next to Ryuji like he’s definitely invited. Today is really weird.

“Yeah! Phantom Thief food party!” The blonde beamed too loudly with his jagged teeth, “I’m starved too, so let’s get going, leader! Where we eating?”

...ah crap, here we are again.

Us as a friend group had a bit of an issue when it came to food concensus. Unless it’s a special occasion like someone’s birthday, or a really fancy restaurant, we always spend up to an hour debating a location to eat. Someone doesn’t want noodles that day, someone else doesn’t want to try something new, another place is too expensive, or too cheap, or unethical, etc etc. Today has been long enough already, so maybe everyone will be chill, but normally it takes us ages to pick a place to eat.

“Man, I don’t know…” I sighed, expecting the worst, “Everyone happy with eating at… Big Bang Burger?”

“Yeah! Let’s go!”

“How about… wait, what?”

I literally just thought about the easiest meal possible and now everyone is already walking towards that section of town. I was ready to suggest like three other places! What the hell happened?! I know I said they were all tired, but-

“Joker? Aren’t you going to follow everyone?” I heard Morgana meow from my shoulder bag. I looked at him, then at my friends walking away quite quickly to BBB. Honestly I don’t think I’ve seen some of them look so happy to go eat. With a nervous patter in my step, I followed behind. Watching quietly to figure out what has everyone acting so strangely.

---

“Welcome to Big Bang Burger! Can I take your order?”

A certain detective prince stepped up next, "Good evening, I must say what a wonderful establishment you have here. May I ask about having something extra on one of your sandwiches?”

“A burger? Well, sure! What would you like extra of? Cheese? Patty?”

“Oh no, I won't be needing either of those. It might sound strange, but I request you make sure it has plenty of lettuce. Quadruple the amount if possible.”

As the artist behind him began taking notes about certain excentricities to follow up on, I was busy talking to my best friend about the day I’ve been having.

“Seriously, Ryuji. You haven’t noticed anything strange? Even though the girls have been all over me?”

“Yes, I’m telling you, I haven’t.” He frowned at me as we took one more step towards the counter, “And stop bringing that shit up. I told you, it’s annoying enough being around a maxed out charisma stat leader, you being dense about it is just kicking me while I’m down.”

“I do not have good charisma.” I was getting stubborn with this, I knew myself dammit.

“Yeah, dude. You do.”

“No way. And I’ll prove it! I bet I can’t get the number of the waitress no matter how hard I try!”

He sighed at me, “Do I have to watch this…?”

“Yes.”

As Yusuke pulled away from the counter to wait for his meal, I confidently strolled up to the pretty girl in the yellow shirt, tiny red tie, and orange visor hat. Definitely a cutie with her somewhat pudgy yet well taken care of features, probably the same age as me, no matter what I was not getting her number. Whatever curse was affecting my team today didn’t override the eternal curse of my awful luck with women. I was going to strike out like usual! That was what I was fighting for for some reason!

“Welcome to Big Bang Burger! Can I take your order?”

With all the smooth voice, dapper look, film noir energy I could muster, I leaned my elbow on the counter and smirked a ‘devilishly handsome’ smirk, “That depends… is a night with you on the menu?”

“It sure is!” She beamed, looking up to the screens behind her…

What the fuck.

A night with Shelly. Right there, on the goddamn burger menu. 8,000 yen. Much more expensive than anything else on the menu, but still a bit of a steal for a girl like her-what the hell was I saying?! Since when was Big Bang Burger a fucking girl rental service?!

“Uh… uhhm…”

“For that order, you get to take me to a movie of your choice, have dinner at one of our fine Big Bang Burger establishments, and one single kiss if you take me back to my home.” She explained so casually, though with a wink and a lean in afterwards, “I ain’t supposed to kiss, but I just like having a big strong guy take me home on these mean streets.”

I blinked in utter bafflement, “R-right…”

“So, will you be ordering me? And would you like fries with that?”

“N-no… actually I think a, uh, a b-burger. Please.” I stammered, trying to just return to sense.

“Aww, that’s sad. You’re cuter than some of the guys who book me out.” She faux pouted to try and earn sympathy but quickly returned to her waitress demeanour. “So, just a regular burger meal then?”

“Y-yeah…” With a nod she rung me up and I paid for my burger, turning around in bafflement to just see a frustrated Ryuji, wait I was supposed to fail at getting her digits… “and, uh, your phone number if that’s okay?”

“That’s perfectly fine! Wanna order me without your friends knowing? Or maybe a hot guy like you wants to date me after hours, hehe~” Shelly smiled seductively, quickly flipping over my receipt and scribbling down her numbers, “There ya go! Hope to get a call from you soon, Mr. Customer!”

I am beyond words.

How the absolute hell was I accomplishing this?!

“There, ya happy, asshole?” huffed Ryuji, pushing me gently away from the counter I was awkwardly standing in front of, “Now move, some of us are starving!”

---

This has to be the Meta-Verse still.

Or Futaba’s computer got a virus and we’re stuck in a new backwards shadow world.

Fuck, I don’t know, maybe I fell into my TV!

No matter what, this has to be a trick, a scam, maybe even part of Akechi’s grand plan, SOMETHING!

Morgana had confirmed this wasn’t the Meta-Verse when I asked him, but at this point who could tell?

I can’t even enjoy the tight feminine confines I found myself in. Currently I was squished up between Ann and Futaba on the bench, having all four girls insist heavily that I sat with them on one of our two tables we got. It was weird having eight of us with a table of five and a table of three, but again my mind was far far removed from where we were. Shelly’s number was proof I had died, or proof that there was a god, or… man, I just don’t know anymore.

“What have you got there, Joker?” Asked Makoto, having been daintily eating her galaxy burger with a knife and fork.

“...s’the number of the cashier girl.”

They all looked at me in shock. At least this was the event that had thrown them from the strange happy state they were in that had clouded the meal thus far, “H-her number?! Like, for dating her?” Asked Haru.

“What the heck? Did you seriously cast a charm spell the moment we weren’t looking?”

Ann clicked her tongue at the paper, “Shelly. With a love heart… hmph. Well, you have to be a certain kind of woman to work at a place like this.”

“H-hey!”

“Sorry, Haru… though, don’t you have to admit your company does only hire certain women to fill the ‘evening purchase’ slot?”

The heiress looked away a little nervously, “I-I don’t know if I should be discussing things like that… even if father did think that way…”

“Well, you have the power to change that. You could get rid of that whole system now, or just fire Shelly for ever trying to take our Joker away.” said Makoto with such calm fury that it genuinely made me gulp.

As Haru genuinely considered it, I quickly stepped in, “W-woah! Don’t… don’t do that. I wasn’t going to call her anyway, it was just a little bet with Ryuji to see if I could get her number.”

“RYUJI!” Futaba hissed over to the other table.

With a roll of his eyes, the blonde just frowned over at us, “Man, the dude friggin made the bet with himself to gloat and I’M the one getting shit on? If it wasn’t for the grub this would be the worst Big Bang Burger trip ever.”

Yusuke huffed a little, “Ryuji, if you’d like us to change the subject away from the tastiest types of tree, all you had to do was ask.”

“No, I’ll just continue to suffer in silence.”

As much as I wanted to go over to the boys table and save my friend, I was unfortunately stuck on one of the most teenage boy’s dream scenarios. Literally trapped between overeager women who were all away too into me.

“You know, Ren, since you’ve decided to forget about this ‘Shelly’ perhaps you could instead answer my question from inside the palace?” Oh this again. I guess I could only avoid talking about it for so long before Makoto brought it all right back to the awkwardness, “What do you look for in a woman?”

“Nyeheheh~ you can’t say we have to wait till after the palace this time!” Futaba eagerly piped in, lightly jamming her finger into my arm.

“R-right… I guess I should have an opinion on that stuff, huh?” I said with a scratch of my neck, the answer was obviously yes there, but way they leaned in to listen just made me more uncomfortable and sweat underneath my curly locks, “Um, I-I don’t really have enough experience to know what I like yet?”

Makoto frowned, doing that classic Niijima eyes half closed disappointment thing, “That isn’t much to go on. You should be at least able to come up with something, Joker.”

“R-right… s-sorry…”

My stammering apology seemed to awaken something in the three of them, since they all immediately jumped to my aid.

“Mako-chan, you shouldn’t be so hard on someone when it comes to expressing their feelings.”

“Yeah! Leave him alone! He’s still a noob like all of us!”

The tightness in the tiny bench got even tighter as Ann leaned her head onto my shoulder, letting that soft peachy smell of her shampoo waft mix with the eternal saltiness of the BBB restaurant. “Don’t worry, Ren-Ren. You can take your time, maybe you’ll find out what kinda girl you like with a little…” Our eyes met, though with the half lidded seduction eyes she wore it was pretty impressive that we did, though I couldn’t exactly take my eyes off her as Ann’s left leg had moved to not only press against my right but wrap around now too! She whispered her last word to me like it was taboo to speak in the annals of Big Bang Burger, “...experience.”

“You're right… my sincere apologies, Ren.” said Makoto with some genuine regret in her voice. Though it seemed that she, as were the other two, looked more angry at Ann than anything.

The blonde cared little of their stares, considering she had slowly slunk her arm around mine to nestle it between the softest of hills my skin had ever felt. She’d tried using them against me in the palace, but now I could truly appreciate the firm, warm, and delicate nature of Ann’s thick chest. Fuck. I hope Morgana doesn’t see this!

“I-i-i-i-if there’s one thing I kn-know about experience, it’s that you can get it off even the most trashy of low level imps!” Added Futaba, quickly latching herself onto my other arm. Much less of a bump heaven there from the imp, but even just seeing how cute she was as she tightly made a claim for herself.

Then Haru and Makoto joined in too.

Though Ann had claimed my leg, they refused to be left behind with where they could reach. Both taking their dainty feet and beginning to explore the inside of my leg.

Where the hell was I supposed to look here? My eyes kept darting between all of them, all looking at me intently to watch my slack jawed reactions. Ann’s hands slowly swirling against my chest, Futaba dragging my own hand against her body, and then two feet getting bolder with their destination further and further upwards…

Shit. They were going to find something harder than I wanted them to find.

Out of sheer reflexive panic I blurted out, “Sh-shouldn’t we call it a night?!”

“You’re right.”

And just as quickly as it had started, the whole thing was over.

All four of them had gotten up from the table and were putting their coats on. Forgetting all about their half eaten meals to almost race from the restaurant, “Night Joker!” Ann beamed with a wave, “See you tomorrow!” Similar pleasantries came from the other three and then they were gone. Not even Futaba stuck around for me to walk her home. Probably for the best, as I was still panting and hard, trying to calm my heart and pants while figuring out what demon I prayed to to get this kind of luck.

It took me about five minutes, and a round of actually having a bite of the food in front of me, to finally calm down. A wave of fatigue hitting me as soon as my heart slowed down, sleep sounded too good right now.

Maybe whatever was happening would be gone by tomorrow.

I decided to at least finish my meal with the boys. Picking up my meal and moving over to their table, moving the cat filled bag I had left on one of the chairs to my lap as I sat down with them.

“What are the girls up to?”

They were all over me and left abruptly, so who knows. I was mostly just trying to hide my boner… maybe that’s why they left? Either I grossed them out... or, maybe, aroused them... a single flash image of them all masturbating to the idea of my dick went through my mind, but I quickly tried to push it out again. The thought swam through it repeatedly thanks to my awfully pubertas libido. “Dunno, is it what I’m imagining in my head?” I asked in a weird half joke. Man, this whole day was tiring.

Ryuji gave me quite the look, “I mean, probably, yeah. But you don’t sound great, what’s eating you?”

“Sorry, tired from the palace, it's making me feel kinda ill,” I admitted, this whole crazy event had me in knots from anxiety and confusion. In fact, food looked wildly unappeasing, so I quickly got back off out the seat, “Actually, yeah. Might go home and stop off at Takemi’s. Yusuke can finish mine.”

“Alright dude, take it easy.”

With a nod from both Ryuji and a happy fed artist, I left the burger shop and took off to the station.

I had to make sure I picked a fairly empty train carriage to ride on. Already the memories of touch from four beautiful women were beginning to ebb out of my mind. The softness of chests, the delicate touches from smaller hands, the warmth from their bodies against mine. It was maddening how attractive women were.

Damn, I really hope the girls are actually interested in me.

---

“Joker~ Mmm, fuck, J-Joker~” Moaned a blonde bombshell, riding her vibrator while looking at pictures on her phone. Unable to resist kissing the screen gently while she rode that humming stick for all it was worth, “Th-that’s it! Ohhh~ oh fuckfuckfuck FUCK!” She came hard, thrusting her hips to the orgasmic rhythms of her own body, yet still feeling strangely empty from the lack of leader log.

---

“A-ah… I h-hope I’m d-doing this right…” Mumbled an awkward student council president as she attempted to stroke her pussy. Having never masturbated before it was certainly a strange impulse to suddenly have, though she surmised that her overly attractive leader just brought it out of her. Her body had instinctively brought her hand to her pussy every time she thought of him, and now the bizarre zings of pleasure that the stroking was bringing made it very hard to stop. Imagining him being the one to show her how her own pussy worked, being so smart and kind that he didn’t judge… only surpassed expectations.

---

“Why did I never set up any bathroom cams?!” Hissed an angry gremlin, trying desperately to find a good piece of footage one handed. Sure, the toy she was using felt great, but without the visual stimulation her hentai pilled brain was used to it wasn’t the same! The images her imagination was cooking up of what Ren’s cock maybe looked like kept getting mosaic’d out! In the end she had to settle for the one time he got out of bed with morning wood, “That’s it~ strain those fucking p-pajama pants with your huge r-rod…”

---

“M-my, Ren-kun… d-do I f-feel… mm… good?” Splashed the floofy heiress, having gone directly into a bath pre-drawn by her maids only to find the heated water had overcome her entire body. She’d never really done anything like this before, but right now, in this huge bath, she just couldn’t stop masturbating to the shaggy haired stud of her only ever friend group. Pulling at her thick nipples and imagining her hands were that of his, bigger and manlier, taking what he wants from her naked body. Perhaps the warm bath was messing with her senses? Or maybe the infatuation she’d felt the day prior had been… enhanced, somehow…

---

“Mrahhh… that was a good… wait, where’s Joker?” Yawned a cat from a discarded bag.

“Ah crap! Ren forgot Morgana!” The other blonde bombshell exclaimed, rushing back to the table he had about to leave, “He’s long gone… shit. He must have been feelin’ real ill…”

“Wha-?! Really?! Who’s going to tell him when to go to bed?!”

Ryuji lowered his eyelids, “I think he can handle that himself for one night.” Though the cat scoffed, Ryuji just shrugged and picked up the bag, “Come on, I’ll give you back to him tomorrow.”

“Ugh, staying at Ryujis place? It isn’t going to smell, is it?”

“Let’s see, your options are I take you home, leave you in an alley, or go give you to one of the two guys who apparently eat leaves for sustenance. Which would you prefer, ya dumb cat?”

“...s-sleepover at Ryuji’s~!”