Down the Hatch

Booze.

That was the ticket. The more Don thought about it, the more he realized that he needed to her Mike drunk. Maybe his best friend was putting in the effort, but was just stuck in his head. A form of performance anxiety.

Nothing that a little booze couldn’t solve.

Mike should have seen it coming. It was, after all, one of his classic moves. Don would be working hard, stressed out about a project, and Mike would show up with something to take the edge off. Don would always complain about it the next day, but secretly he appreciated what his friend was had done for him.

And now to return the favour.

They had put a full day in, practicing back stories, going for walks together, looking awkward flirting with each other. It wasn’t just Mike who was having a problem with that. It was genuinely weird for Don to put the moves on his friend as well. After all, until very recently, he was a heterosexual male. He wasn’t sure what that made him now… a lesbian? Honestly, the whole week had been such a rush that he hasn’t put much thought into his sexuality, so he guessed that nothing much had changed.

Rice wine and beer. That’s what the good doctor’s assistant had provided when Don put in his request. Once Don and Mike were finally alone, Don cracked the first bottle and poured a couple glasses, handing one to Mike.

“Ganbei!” Don announced, raising, then draining his glass. Mike laughed and followed suit.

“You better be careful,” Mike said, standing up from the couch to get a refill, “you’re a featherweight in that new body.”

“Pah, you’re just worried that you won’t be able to keep up with my new and improved metabolism.”

Glasses poured, Don produced a deck of cards and dealt out two hands.

“Game?”

“Nothing else to do around here,” Mike answered, taking a big swig of rice wine.

Ten hands and five more glasses down, Don was starting to feel it. Mike, too, was getting the tell-take flushed cheeks he always got from drinking too much.

“The problem,” Mike said, pointing at Don, “is that you’re too hot.”

“What?” Don giggled, something he found his new body doing a lot more than his old.

“Hot!” Mike’s finger lowered, now pointing at Don’s chest, “but you’re also Don. Donny! Don-boy! I want to bang your so badly, but then I remember you’re my man!”

“Slow down, Mike,” Don said, finishing his glass, “who said anything about banging? I just said we have to be able to touch each other, kiss and stuff, so the immigration folks buy it. Honestly, I’m going to have a harder time with it than you.”

“I don’t think so,” Mike said, “if you think you’re going to have a hard time, then why are you rubbing my thigh with your foot?”

Don paused, suddenly aware of his body. Indeed, his foot, stiletto clad, was rubbing the inside of Mike’s thigh. He dropped it as quickly as he noticed.

“Holy shit.”

“Holy shit is right, buddy,” Mike finished his glass, “you’ve been doing stuff like that all day. When we were on our walk, remember when we saw that duck pond? You slipped your hand into my back pocket and squeezed my ass.”

“No!”

“You sure did!” Mike snorted, “and when we were practicing how to pronounce Xue Li’s parent’s names, after you were done and bored, you snacked on those strawberries.”

“I remember that,” Don said, “they were good.”

“And good to watch. You speared each one with a skewer, then ran it down your cleavage to tease me before you licked it, and finally took it into your mouth.”

“I didn’t!”

“You did! It was like watching some sort of fruit fetish YouTube channel!”

“You’re making this up!”

“If I’m making it up, then where is your foot?”

Again, Don paused. His foot had returned between Mike’s legs, this time was teasing all the way up to his groin. He dropped it once more.

“I don’t know what exactly that doctor did,” Mike said slowly, “but I think there’s a lot more left of Xue Li in there than he is letting on, because the Don I know would never act like that.”

Don stood up and began to pace, his hips swaying seductively with each step.

“I know this is weird, and there’s lots to figure out, but the first problem is that in a couple days we either trick the immigration people, or I’m sent back to become a hooker. You’ve got to believe me when I say that if there was any other way, I’d take it. But there is no other way. You and I need to become more… comfortable… with each other. Physically.”

Mike stared at the incredibly gorgeous woman practically begging him to become more intimate, and tried to push thoughts of his friend Don from his mind.

“Okay,” he said, pouring one last drink, “let’s give this a shot. Down the hatch.”