Doll Repair (M,F,R)

“You said that you wanted to see me about your anger issues?” Dr.Petrov asked. She knew from last night what this was about of course, but she always liked to give her patients the ability to reframe it.

“I want to work on my tendency to keep pushing people past what they can handle.” Felicia said. The two were meeting in the Arrow Cottage after an early breakfast. Hazel had already left long before Maeve woke for the day. The blonde was on the bed, while the therapist was in one of the two glass chairs that came with the room. “I did it with Dick’s sister, I’ve done it with Stella, and everyone watched me break Ata.”

“Can you start by telling me what happened with Helena?” Dr.Petrov asked.

“So, it was after my date. She barged in and started making accusations about what I’d done with him and why. I got angry about her saying she didn’t trust me, and so I…” Felicia paused. “I said that she was acting like his mom.”

Oh. That would certainly hurt her. Maeve thought. But Dr.Petrov stayed calm. “And how did she react to that?”

“Not well. It broke our alliance and started a string of petty spats we’ve been engaging in since.”

“The two of you seemed fairly coordinated during the end of the challenge. How did that happen?”

Felicia shifted. “It was Katrina’s idea to plan with her. Helena went along with us when I pointed out that either I’d take Ata down, or I’d lose and waste at least an hour of Ata’s time.”

“So even though your “alliance” was broken, she’s still willing to work with you conditionally?”

“Conditionally.” Felicia conceded.

“And you said that you have a habit of doing this with Stella?” Dr.Petrov asked, pivoting slightly.

“I wouldn’t say it’s a habit.” Felicia said. “And it’s not the same as with Hel or Ata.”

“How is it then?” The therapist pressed.

“With her, it’s just me being loud that does it. I’ll be flirting and arguing with Dick, and all of a sudden Luna shuts us up because Stella’s crying again.”

Richard never mentioned flirting with her before the island. She put it into her notes for the session. Luna’s acting as the valve there. “Has Stella asked you to stop?”

The blonde tried to think. “Luna has? Stella seems hurt and frustrated afterwards, but she doesn’t really address it.”

“Do you think she’d be comfortable telling you, or someone else, to stop something that was making her uncomfortable?”

Felicia nodded. “She’s got her own way of doing it. She was the one that kicked out Creepy Carl a few years ago before Dick and Luna joined. She had everyone come early, then taped a note to the door explaining that he wasn’t welcome anymore and locked the door.”

I’m seeing good and bad signs here. Thought Maeve. I should ask Luna about how she views the situation at some point. “Has she ever told you that you were unwelcome?”

“She hasn’t said it, but…”

“But?”

“Last night I asked her if I ever scare her. She couldn’t answer me.”

Dr.Petrov tried to decide where to push the next question. “Do you think that she couldn’t say because she was afraid of you, or that she didn’t want to hurt you?”

“Does it make a difference?” Felicia asked.

“Absolutely-”

There was a knock at the door.

“We’ll ignore that. As I was saying, I think the difference is worth considering. If-”

The knocking came again, louder.

“I’m sorry.” Maeve apologized. “May I check that?”

Felicia nodded.

Maeve sighed, frustrated at the interruption as she closed the door to the bedroom. Her shoes clacked on the floor as she tried to consider who could be there. Hazel wouldn’t need to knock, and Helena would be with her girlfriend if she came. Aubrey was supposed to be spending most of the day at the library. Luna told her she’d be spending most of the day with Ava, and Stella wouldn’t ask for Dr.Petrov’s help unless it was something she couldn’t go to Luna for.

She opened the front door and Richard was there, looking guilty as he prepared to knock a third time.

“Is everything alright?” She asked.

He nodded hurriedly as he tried to walk past her. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

She held up a hand to keep him in the doorway. “Why are you here?”

“Felicia’s struggling right now, and I know I need to step up and take responsibility.”

What happened? He’d been doing so much better. We need to talk about this, but I can only help one of them at a time. He should have the tools to reflect better than Felicia can if I help him reorient himself for now. To help him focus, she took a big step closer to him. She cupped his cheek with one hand and anchored the other on the back of his head.

He was confused, paralyzed by the unexpected feeling of her curves pressing against him as he tried to figure out what was happening. Is she about to kiss me?

“I need you to listen, alright?”

He nodded, still caught off guard.

“What she has going on is not your fault. Yes, you have a larger role here than us, but every problem cannot be your responsibility. Trying to take on everything for us will leave you burnt out, and I trust that part of you remembers what we’ve talked about before and recognizes that it's your anxiety steering right now. I’m going to help her with what she came to me for, and try to get her into a headspace where she can enjoy herself with you later. Your only responsibilities today are to think through why you thought you needed to do this and to have a good time later with her. I’d like to talk to you tomorrow at breakfast about what your train of thought was today. Does that make sense?”

“Y-yes.” He nodded. ”But would you be able to give her this?” He held up a plush fox with two tails.

“Yes, I’ll make sure she gets it.” She let go of him and he tried to adjust his jeans as he left.

Satisfied, she returned to the bedroom. She sat down on the bed, only for Felicia to give her a look.

“No. No more hugs. You were never this touchy-feely when we were roommates, is this that cuddle thing you were annoyed about?”

Maeve realized what she was doing and turned red. Moving back to the chair she’d been in, she apologized: “Yes, it is. I’ll be careful not to let it happen again.”

“What does it do, anyways?” Felicia asked, mildly curious.

“Whenever I’m helping any of the people here I feel the urge to comfort them physically."

“Oh. I don’t need it.”

“Of course.” I’m glad nothing happened in front of Richard. Maeve thought, before handing the toy to the blonde. “He stopped by, and wanted you to have this.”

“I don’t want this either.” Felicia said, despite gripping the little fox tightly.

Maeve picked her notepad back up. “With what we were discussing, would you mind telling me what made you so upset when you saw Ata cry?”

“I…I realized that I can really be a piece of shit.”

“Can you elaborate on that?” Dr.Petrov asked. “To me, it sounds like you had an understandable reaction to seeing someone upset. You were clearly caught off guard.”

Felicia fidgeted and squeezed the fox before responding. “The problem was that my first reaction wasn’t concern. I was annoyed, and that made me realize what I was really doing.”

The therapist made a note, careful not to react outwardly. “And why were you annoyed?”

“Katrina and I had this whole thing planned, to get **** on her for how she humiliated Ava. She was supposed to struggle and futilely fight to break out. I had wanted her to get angry and upset. The only way out would’ve been making a promise to her own mentor to leave us alone. So I got annoyed that she was quitting before we got payback, but then I was disgusted with myself for thinking like that.”

A thought occurred to the therapist. “You mentioned that Katrina was working with you. I haven’t been involved with anything at the temple yet, so I’d like to ask: How much of your motivations, if any, were influenced by the mentor?”

“None that I know of. The first time we met, she was trying to seize control. I almost tried to interrupt your date to see how many points I could rack up. This time, she seemed content to let me take the lead. I told her I wanted to get payback, and Katrina started feeding me ideas. I…I’m just glad Ata was willing to forgive me.”

Right. There’s the other problem. “I need to tell you something, but I want to make sure that you're in a space where you can handle it. It's emotionally difficult, but I promise that I'll do what I can to help. May I share it with you?"

Felicia slowly nodded.

“Ata did not forgive you. Luna said she did because she wanted to pick you up at the time, but she gave me the option of telling you the truth.

“In her original message she told you that she respected how far you were willing to go, but could not forgive what she experienced. That puts her in the same position as Helena, where she still tolerates you to some degree. Again, they both have demonstrated that they are willing to interact with you positively despite feeling hurt by you. I think it’s good that you’re here today and are trying to improve, and I want you to remember that nothing is permanent.

“I’m not sure how much more time you have today, but if we can I’d like to discuss both where your anger started and some strategies to help keep it within your control.”

Felicia looked visibly shaken by the explanation. “Can I take two or three minutes in the hall to decide?”

Maeve nodded and Felicia stepped out, taking the soft little fox with her.

***

Ten minutes later, Felicia came back and laid down on the bed. “So you think talking about it would help?”

“I can’t guarantee it, but it could. You only need to share what you feel comfortable with.”

“I guess I need to start at the beginning then.” Felicia said. She’d positioned the fox on top of her.

“So my parents weren’t shitty like Ava or Stella, just… traditional to the point of being unhealthy? I’m not sure if Dick’s told you, but I’m the youngest of eight, all brothers. They just kept trying for a girl until I came along. Dad encouraged all of them to be strong, and so his favorites all went into football. Garrison went into football and hockey, and Jaxton really made Dad proud by getting involved with rugby. They fought like hooligans, but they never really got in trouble for it. ‘Boys will be boys, right?’

“I was my mom’s miracle. She took me with her to little tea parties and events to show me off, and when I was seven she started training me for beauty pageants. Growing up, I felt more and more like I was her doll. I started trying to rebel eventually, to get her anger and disappointment by acting more like my brothers then the perfect princess she wanted me to be. And it’d work, some of the time at least. She started vacillating between barely paying attention to me and forcing me into some big pageant that she’d heard about in one of her little mom groups. I got second in Miss Teen Indiana twice. There’s times I wish I’d been able to get first one of those times, and other times I wish I could’ve seen the look on her face if I’d thrown the competition.

“So I guess that’s where it probably comes from?” Felicia concluded.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Dr.Petrov offered. “Were there any moments with her you wanted to discuss?”

The blonde shrugged. “Not really? I know it could be worse. They try, even if they’re kind of shitty at it.”

“Still, just because it could theoretically be worse doesn’t mean you don’t deserve sympathy.”

“I’m fine. Really.” Felicia held onto the fox Dick had dropped off. “I just want to get them to stop influencing me.”

“Very well then.” Dr.Petrov sighed. “This isn’t something you can learn in just a few hours, but I’ll try showing you both some strategies to use when you realize it’s happening, and mental exercises you can work on when you have time. First, have you considered…”

***

Several hours later, when Felicia had left on her date a long time ago, Genet stopped by.

“Good job today.” The host said. “I’m glad you’re here for everyone.”

Dr.Petrov just nodded.

“I have some mail here for you, the last for a while.” Genet pulled a letter out of her purse and offered it over. It had a familiar name written on it. Maeve slowly opened it and read out loud:

Dear Maeve,
Thank you so much for your words. Arabella passed your message to me just a few moments ago, and I'm grateful for your thoughts. The challenge is over, and Andy pulled a miracle.

“Sasson.” Maeve whispered.

Like many of us, I suspect, I had planned for what I would do if I was eliminated. And I knew I would have to be there to help the other women, if I wasn't, to deal with the elimination of another one of us. But... for the first time in my life... I am not needed. We had a party last night. And he's certainly the hub of this wheel. At least five or six of us are interested in sleeping with him, or have already done so. But he is so humble and self-deprecating that the thought that this might give him some sort of power over us doesn't occur to him. He just... wants to protect us. I don't think I've ever met a man who felt that way so strongly. It's the pain he suffered as a child, I think. He can't bear to see anyone else go. I really wish there were a way for us to talk in real time. I don't know if your Host would allow you; mine probably would, but this kind of thing needs both of them to align, I think. But I miss you. The women with me are a great group, and I feel we're on our way to bonding into some sort of family unit, one way or another. But you have known me for years, and you are the only one who does whom I can reach, even if by letter. I hope you don't mind. When you have time, please do write to me. I'd love to hear from you. I want to know everything about your season, and how you are doing. And if I can help in any way, I will.
With love,
Marissa

Maeve turned to Genet after she finished reading. “She suggested the possibility of seeing each other in person. Could that happen?”

Genet wavered. “That might be difficult, given how much more quickly time flows on Arabella’s set. I’ll look into it.” Then she left, disappearing in a puff of cinnamon.

She’s safe. Content, Maeve turned back to the letter and read it again.