Does Rachel Hate Me?

Seeing her look at me like that made me immediately clam up and stop talking. Lips shut, then quickly open again as I tried to squeak out an excuse.

But fuck. I'd fucked up everything.

Cue the stepping back. Cue the treating me like I was a complete and utter weirdo.

Cue the not wanting to be my friend anymore.

I could see it all happening immediately.

"I don't..." Rachel started, her voice trailing off as she kind of cocked her head to one side and narrowed her eyes, "I don't..."

"I've never done it," I said, "Don't know anything about it, really. I just... There was a nerdy... nerd at my old school who would talk about it. I didn't want to listen, but they... wouldn't stop?"

God I wasn't even certain of my own story, didn't know if I could believe it myself so why would she believe the lie and from her reaction I could tell that she didn't and fuck... why did I have to go and fuck it all up.

"I don't think," she said finally, "That I've ever heard you talk so much at once."

And then she smiled, bright and broad and warm as she nearly twinkled with delight at me, looping her arm in mine once more and turning to face the booth.

"Live action roleplay?" she asked.

"I mean I think," I stammered, "I don't know..."

"Oh shut up," she laughed, "You so clearly do. So it's like... wizards and knights and stuff? Dragons and... orcs? Is that a thing?"

"It is," I nodded, surprised at her.

She shrugged, "I've got an older brother. He's into all that. And I... I liked the book. You know the one. The one about the short guy and the dwarves and the old man. The one about the dragon who was like named for pollution and stuff? I don't know... My mom used to read it to me..."

Her voice trailed away and a dark cloud flashed over for just a moment. Just a moment though it was unmistakable.

Then she was back to her bubbly self.

"But getting to be someone else sounds fun!" she chirped, "And wearing costumes is always fun. Do you need to buy specific ones or can you make them yourself?"

"I think both?" I shrugged, "Either? I don't really know. I never did it myself."

"Well I guess then you won't be as perfect a guide as I was hoping for," she said, starting to drag me forward.

"What are you doing?" I asked, digging in my heels and stopping her, "We're not-"

"Oh we absolutely are," she said, nodding at me, "We are totally going over there and we are definitely going to sign up and there is no debate on that I want to hear from you."

"But I can't" I protested.

"Why not?" she asked, pulling her arm out of mine and crossing her arms over her chest.

"People will think that I'm a nerd," I said, weakly, "They'll think that I'm a loser."

I could feel it all, the fear and the panic rising up in me. Just as well I could see that it didn't effect her at all.

"Fuck 'em" she said, "If they judge you for that then fuck 'em. If they don't want to be around you for that then fuck 'em. And regardless of what happens, if it happens to you then it'll happen to me.

"Because I'm signing up right alongside you. And I'm going to do it with you. And if anyone wants to judge you, then they'll be judging me as well.

"And if anyone doesn't want to be around you because of it, well then that's their loss.

"Because you're pretty fucking awesome Emily Ross. And I think that it's about time that you started to realize that."

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