Didn't stop you yesterday.

Every single sapient extraterrestrial species in the Exodus has, at some time or another, been a brain slug host species. For humanity, it was the equivalent of finding out the new person interested in you has a hundred exes, and they all have stories.—Slug Sutra, chapter 7

"I . . . have a girlfriend," Mel said. Wondering if tactful blowjob refusal was a skill he'd need to develop. "We're exclusive. And isn't your mouth acidic, too?"

<< No, >> Two-Clicks said, clicking in excitement. << Our oral cavities are pH-neutral. It is only our internal systems that are acidic. We can expel an acidic, enzyme-rich slurry to help pre-digest difficult foods . . . >>

Nope, Mel thought. Don't like that.

Ha-Yoon, however, had other ideas. She turned and stuck her head out of the K'lur'k bathroom.

"Jordan! Grab a box of the platinum condoms and come here!" she called out.

Mel glanced at her. There was unreasonable excitement in her voice.

"Boss?" he said. "I mean, I can't . . . I'm at work . . ."

"Didn't stop you yesterday," Ha-Yoon said cheerfully.

Jordan stepped into the now-cramped restroom, a box in her hand, and noted Mel, Ha-Yoon, and Two-Clicks, who still had their sexual orifice exposed, the white flesh pulsing, hydrochloric acid dripping onto the purple plant-thing below. She looked a question at them all.

Two-Clicks clicked in something between greater excitement and agitation as they saw Jordan.

<< Body-sharer! Is this your mate? >> the K'lur'k clicked.

Jordan answered in sign language. Two-Clicks couldn't blink or tilt their head, but the mandibles rubbed against each other with a kind of grinding noise.

<< I cannot sign, >> the K'lur'k said.

"I can," Ha-Yoon said. "She says yes, Mel is her boyfriend."

It was a strange, three-way conversation then. Jordan could understand Two-Click's translated speech, Ha-Yoon could translate Jordan's sign language answers. Mel stood there feeling awkward as the K'lur'k explained their fascination with human sex culture, their desire to participate, their excitement at this scenario that was so much like one of their sex videos, albeit with more talking and added drama.

<< This slut really wants to suck your boyfriend's cock, >> Two-Clicks said, the slightly frayed intensity of the clicking showing how excited they were. << It will be a valuable experience for me, and all of my clutch-siblings will be jealous. I will owe you a sex-debt. And I am clean of the Literature of the Untranslateable. >>

"What is that?" Mel asked.

Jordan looked at him, then at Ha-Yoon, and made a series of hand-signs. Ha-Yoon frowned.

"She says it's some kind of virus. I guess an alien STD?" Ha-Yoon said.

Jordan signed back, Ha-Yoon translated: "She wants assurance that Mel will go unharmed. And he will wear a condom. The K'lur'k will have no claim on him or his . . . gene-line? Genetics?"

Jordan clarified, signing slower.

"Genetic information. The K'lur'k will have no claim on Mel's genes."

Clicks in response. << I agree to all terms. This is like Cuckquean of the Black Coast! >>

Ha-Yoon blinked at that. "Okay. So, are we doing this or not?"

"We?" Mel asked, surprised.

"Well, I get to watch, obviously," Ha-Yoon said. "I translated. And Jordan is going to want to watch. So yes, we."

Jordan laid a hand on Mel's arm. He looked into her eyes.

"Is this what you want?" he asked quietly. "Because if you're not comfortable with this, we can just leave."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

"We should really ask Rachel and Jenny first," he said quietly, after the kiss.

Jordan made more signs. Ha-Yoon translated: "She said that she and Jenny are of one mind. And can I borrow your phone? Oh, wait. Duh."

Ha-Yoon fished a smartphone from her pocket, unlocked the screen, and handed it to Jordan, who tapped in a number. It rang, and then she handed it to Mel.

"Hello?" Rachel's voice was slightly tinny on the other end.

"****? It's Mel," he said. "Um. I'm at work. And this extraterrestrial named Two-Clicks came in and wants to blow me? She asked Jordan politely, and Jordan said it's okay, and she said Jenny says it's okay, but I wanted to check with you."

There was silence on the other end of the phone as Rachel processed this.

"If this were anyone else, I'd say that was ridiculous or ask if you were high or had been drinking. But because it's you, I'm going to assume this is a normal Saturday," Rachel said. Then she sighed. "Jordan gave permission?"

"Yes," he said.

"Anything else I should know?" Rachel asked.

"My boss is here. She wants to watch," Mel said.

There was a bark of laughter from the phone.

"Of course. Okay. Be safe. And I want a full and detailed explanation when you get home tonight. In fact, no. I want your boss to record this on her phone and send me the video," Rachel said.

Mel opened his mouth, but no words came out. Two-Clicks was perched above her plant, mandibles still. He looked at Jordan, who gave a thumb's up. Ha-Yoon gave a slightly maniacal grin and two thumbs up.

"Okay," he said. "Will do. Thanks, ****."

He ended the call and handed the phone back to Ha-Yoon.

Jordan dropped down into a squat and undid his fly, and Mel flopped out. Ha-Yoon, who already had the phone out and recording, gave a sharp intake of breath.

"Sweet sexy Buddha! Don't we pay you enough to afford underwear?" she asked.

"Jordan confiscated it," Mel said. "I think she prefers ready access."

<< That is so hot, >> Two-Clicks said, as their limbs grabbed handholds on the wall. Instead of trying to bend the more flexible parts of its carapace to bring the mandibles down to Mel's crotch-level, the six-foot alien stick insect climbed up the wall and inverted itself.

Like a cockroach hanging from the ceiling, Mel thought back to nights at the orphanage, when he'd slept on his stomach because the thought of one dropping into his mouth at night had scared him. Little did I know one day I'd be the one coming into an insect's mouth.

Mel grabbed a tissue from the wall and carefully wiped himself clean before Jordan put the condom on. He wasn't sure what the proper etiquette was, but it felt impolite to shove a dirty prick in someone's mouth or equivalent orifice. The condom was black, shiny, and tight enough that Mel could almost see the veins bulge against the smooth latex. Jordan's right hand circled the base as she stroked the sensitive underside of his shaven scrote with her left—and Mel got a good look at Two-Click's mouth-parts.

There were two large, soft-looking manipulators like a spider's pedipalps, and a pair of dangling semi-rigid segmented tentacles, and surrounding them on each side were four smaller, thinner, unpadded mandibles that ended in sharp-tipped manipulators. Two-Clicks had those carefully folded to the side, so that Mel could see what a K'lur'k's mouth looked like: a soft tunnel of nearly-transparent tissue, ridged in places, but of a size approximating a human hole. Mel wondered if that was normal for the K'lur'k, or if Two-Clicks had shaped themselves that way.

Where no man has gone before, Mel thought as blood flowed into his crotch, and the excitement of what he was about to do filled him. He thought of the deep sea documentaries he had watched, the small submersibles descending into the uncharted oceanic depths to find strange new forms of life. He sort of doubted that James Cameron had wanted to stick his dick in a crab—but, maybe.

<< Do not worry, daddy, >> Two-Clicks said, manipulators unfolding to rub against each other, the box translating. << You cannot impregnate my mouth-parts. But I wish you to try. >>

With that cheery thought, Mel was hard. The sharp points were folded away. Mel braced himself against the edges of the kiosk, and Jordan helped guide him in. Ha-Yoon was breathless, in a squat to capture the very moment as the stiff black-clad shaft slid into the tunnel, and the first thing Mel thought was: cool. K'lur'k bodies ran a few degrees cooler than human, and Mel could feel the temperature difference immediately.

There wasn't much resistance. The tip of Mel's glans scraped along the fleshy wall until his balls pressed against her pedipalps, which were as soft as he had imagined. Mel was all the way in, and if the K'lur'k had anything like a gag reflex, they were suppressing it well. Which is when a thought came to Mel.

"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" he said. "Tap twice if you need me to stop, or pull out."

In response, the two long, tentacle-like manipulators rose and wrapped themselves around the base of Mel's prick.

"I think," Ha-Yoon said. "That's K'lur'k for 'please fuck my face.'"

Mel began to move. He used just his hips, going slow at first. K'lur'k had no tongue or teeth, but there was a tremendous suction, and he could feel rings of muscle as Two-Clicks slurped noisily on his muscle. It wasn't like a blowjob with any of his girlfriends. His buttocks clenched and unclenched as he established a steady rhythm. The mouth was lubricating easily now, little dribbles of clear liquid that dripped down into the unblinking black eyepits. The whole carapace shivered in what Mel took to be excitement and hoped wasn't pain as he began to move faster, the friction helping to fight off the coolness of the mouth-hole.

He found himself staring at the plates that covered the vaginal orifice. They were tightly closed now, but Mel wondered at the evolutionary process involved there, with hydrochloric acid that could dissolve a prick. It would be a hell of a defense against ****, but it must also make mating in the human sense a delicate, possibly rare, affair. His balls bashed against her pedipalps harder and harder as he picked up the pace, and in response, Two-Clicks gently squeezed, providing additional friction against Mel's surging shaft as it plunged in and out of the K'lur'k's mouth.

"Talk, dammit," Ha-Yoon said, her voice excited. "Give us some dirty talk! Tell us what it feels like!"

"It's tight," Mel said, feeling inadequate to this task of talking during sex, his brain pulled in two directions at once. "Not like a human throat at all. I can feel the slutty pedipalps trying to crush me. I can't believe this is their first time. They were hatched to suck."

The suction increased. The carapace flexed as the K'lur'k tried to bob up and down in place, which, with Mel still in their mouth, meant he went up onto his toes and back again, his testes slapping against the soft pads with an audible whap-whap-whap that reflected the pressure building inside of him.

"Getting close," he said. "Gonna blow!"

Then Jordan's hand was on his ass. Two fingers pressed hard against his taint. Mel gave a strangled cry as he filled the condom, Two-Click's mandibles moving agitatedly as he pressed as deep inside, and the liquid warmth flooded the sperm reservoir at the tip.

Mel panted as he pulled back. The suction was still there. He had to fight to extract the sperm-filled black balloon that hung heavy from the tip.

"Little backed up, Mel?" Ha-Yoon joked.

"I mean, it's the first load of the day," he said, as Jordan peeled off the condom and tied it off. That still left a scum on his prick, and the brain slug host quickly leaned in to clean it off with her tongue.

Two-Clicks, meanwhile, righted themself. They clicked in apparent satisfaction.

<< That was awesome. Can you please send me a copy of that video? >>