Demands & Duplicity

“Yeah, fiancé.” Spoke the princess indignantly. “Hugo and I have been engaged for the past half year.”

“Sweetheart, calm down.” Shushed prince Hugo. “This woman saved my life! She wasn’t planning anything nefarious.”

Backing down a bit, the princess spoke. “My apologies, miss…?”

“Gioia, the Marchioness of Carabas.” Spoke Gioia shyly, while shaking her hand.

“Huh, I’ve never heard of Carabas.” Spoke the princess skeptically. “Where is it?”

“O-oh, those meadows over yonder, and that large castle.”

“Really, because I thought they belonged to an ogre.”

“T-that’s because, erm…”

“Enough, Rosa!” Interrupted the prince. “Your inquiry is no way to show thanks to my savior.”

“…Fine, I’m soooorrrry.” Moaned Rosa.

“It’s fine. Mind excusing me for a second? I need to talk to my cat.” Before anyone could respond, Gioia dragged the cat back into the coach, slamming the door shut.

“You’ve been looking into the royal family for three months, and you never knew prince Hugo was engaged?!” Whispered Gioia angrily.

“Honestly, I never even knew his name was Hugo.” said the cat, scratching behind his ear.

“Seriously?! Was there anything you do know?”

“…That he rides his coach near the river…”

“THAT’S IT?! THAT TOOK YOU THREE MONTHS TO LEARN?!” Gioia yelled, a vein popping on her forehead.

“Hey, cut me some slack, will ya? I was rather preoccupied with the queen’s… cat.”

“…Is that an euphemism?”

“No, she has a cat, and a beauty at that. Which is why I started planning my plan yesterday, so I could see her again today.”

“So you’re telling me that I’m risking my livelihood, if not my life, because some raggedy cat just had to see his puss?”

“Hey, I was at risk as well, y’know!” Protested the cat. “I ate an ogre that could’ve killed me.”

“You ate an OGRE?!”

“I’ll tell ya later, but fir-“.

Suddenly the door opened, Rosa stepping in with a grin. “So, ‘Marchioness of Carabas’, that’s quite the tale I just heard.”

“W-what do you mean, princess?” Said Gioia, sliding into a corner.

“Don’t play dumb.” Ordered Rosa, as she slid next to Gioia, pressing her tightly against the wall. “I heard that your cat was spying on my future in-laws, hoping to steal my fiancé. Tell me, who are you really?”

“I really am-“ Tried Gioia, before sighing. “I’m just the daughter of an old miller who got literally nothing left.”

“Ahem?” Coughed the cat.

“Okay, I got him, so worse than nothing.”

“Y’know, I could tell Hugo all this, and you’ll be facing the gallows next morning. However…”

“However what?”

“You did save Hugo today, so some thanks are in order. So here’s the deal; I’ll do a little work in the background. I’ll make ‘your’ land actually yours, including the castle. It might be a tad difficult to convince the fieldworkers to work for you, with your cat eating the benevolent ogre, but nothing impossible.”

“He was kind?!” Said Gioia in surprise. “Then why’d you eat him, cat?!”

“…Because he was in the way of our plan?”

“…I sincerely hope that all nine of your lives go to hell, cat…”

“If it’s any consolation, I swallowed him whole, so he’s probably still alive. It’s just gonna be a tad bit awkward later.”

“Lovely image.” Spoke Rosa sarcastically. “I’ll also arrange for you to become a real Marchioness.”

“Thank you so much, I’ll-“

“But there will still be consequences for your lil’ deception, and I’m going to have some fun with it...” Rosa said, making Gioia uncomfortable with her grin.

“Rosa, Gioia, are you two alright?” Asked Hugo while knocking on the door.

Rosa swiftly opened the door. “Hugo, sweetheart. Perfect timing, come on in!” Barely having the time to respond, Rosa dragged Hugo into the coach in front of the embarrassed Gioia. “So, I’ve been thinking that since our Marchioness saved your life today, she ought to be honored.”

“Of course, that goes without saying!”

“And my idea was that she should get immortalized with a massive statue on the capital square, and maybe even some paintings…

“Brilliant, I’ll ask my sculptors-“

“…in the nude.”

“Sure, that- What did you say?!” The prince choked on his words, while Gioia tried her damnest to hide her discomfort. “Why should she be nude?!”

“Think about it, Hugo.” Said Rosa, as grabbed Gioia by the shoulder. “She didn’t just save you, she ran out completely naked in full view of the kingdom. Now that is brave.”

“Okay, but I still don’t see your point.”

“Don’t you think she should be remembered for future generations for all her bravery? That showing her as anything less would be an insult for her heroics?”

“I… guess?” Hugo scratched behind his ear. “But would Gio- I mean the Marchioness be fine with that?”

“I would l-loooovveeee it!” Said Gioia, behind a pained smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Well, I suppose if you’re fine with it…”

“Arch your back a little, your ladyship.” Asked a sculptor, ordering Gioia as he made his sculpture. This became a regular occurrence for her, which only got more embarrassing when he got he really close to her to check for details.

“Ey, see it from the bright side, Gioia.” Spoke the cat. “Now yer gonna be rich and famous.”

“And with my shame for everyone to see!” Hissed Gioia. “Do you know how humiliating this is?!”

“Beh, don’t be so ungrateful. I’ll never understand why humans are so embarrassed ‘bout their bodies. Y’all look the same to me anyway.”

“Oh really?” Spoke the agitated Gioia. “Maybe I should strip you and see what you think of it then!”

“What, yer taking my boots away? I’ve been without them for years, I’m not embarrassed about that.” Said the cat smugly.

“Oh, not the boots.” Turning to the sculptor, Gioia asked: “Sir, do you know any good hairdressers in the city?” Said Gioia, her grin growing by the second.

A few days later, Hugo, Rosa and Gioia were ready to present the statue to the city. Gioia was growing more nervous by the minute. To be exposed to the town square was embarrassing enough, but to the entire kingdom.

As Hugo was speaking to the crowd, Rosa whispered to Gioia. “Y’know, I have to admit it, but you’re calmer than I imagined you’d be.”

“Oh, trust me, I may look calm, but I’m screaming on the inside.”

“Still, you’re holding your own. I half expected you to have fled to country with your cat. Speaking of which, where is the furball?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call him a furball anymore…” laughed Gioia, as she pointed to the nearby bushes…

…where the fully shaved cat was hiding while covering his shame with one of his boots, staring daggers at Gioia.

The prince finished his speech at last, as he was about to unveil the statue.

“Maybe it won’t be that bad,” thought Gioia. “Maybe the statue won’t be that detailed.”

The prince unveiled the statue, uncovering the thirty yard tall statue of Gioia giving Hugo the heimlich from the front.

“My lord, it’s way too detailed! It’s even clearer here in the sun!” Thought Gioia.

However, hearing the city folk cheering for ‘the Marchioness of Carabas’ actually made her forget a little about her circumstance. The people loved her, so maybe it was fine. And now she has some fine land and title, so her future is looking bright. She even thought she should thank the cat.

Well, more like ‘considered it’.

Maybe.

After his fur grows back, perhaps.

Probably not.