Deep in the red!

"If I were to rate your financial situation right now, from 0 to 10... Hmm... 0 doesn't really feel right. We need a negative number. -10 seems most appropriate..."

Pandemonica broke the bad news to the Helltaker, neatly setting down a clipboard before him with one black-gloved hand.

The guy momentarily reached up to block his face with his forearms, as if protecting himself from a strike... then slowly lowered them as he realized which Pandemonica he was dealing with. Right now, she was the weary, coffee-craving demon he'd dragged to hell. Since then, he'd seen another side of her... when she got her fix, she had a tendency to turn into a deeply sadistic horror of a woman. That one kind of turned him on too, but... she was the type you guarded your face around.

When the harem came up from hell, the vast majority of them viewed the time as a vacation. Most of them were kind of layabouts anyway, but even the workaholics among them had succumbed to a lifestyle of pancakes and partying: Lucifer, Judgment, and all the rest. Only Pandemonica seemed to be unable to sever herself from her job and have fun... It was probably a good indicator of how shitty her job really was... whatever it was.

At any rate, she felt most comfortable with some busy work. Unable to work while maintaining a house for a metric butt-ton of demons, the Helltaker had become, essentially, a stay-at-home caretaker: he spent half his time just keeping food in stock and keeping the demons from killing the neighbors. Pandemonica had proven the perfect person to help him with some of the household tasks. Particularly, she was eager to help him balance his budget, as a way of saying "thanks for rescuing me for my dead-end job in hell."

The problem? Solving this budget was like trying to complete a puzzle without any moves. Helltaker's favorite colors were black and red; these numbers were super red with no black in sight.

"You were already in a pretty bad place, financially, when you took your trip to hell. When you factor in equipment and medical expenses from that journey, your time away from work, your current state of unemployment, and food and entertainment for all of the demons inhabiting your house... plus the 'shrink factor' from Zdrada being a bitch and stealing your stuff... It will take nothing less than a miracle for you to make it through the month without selling your house. You'd be better off asking Azazel if she can hook you up with one of those."

The Helltaker's stony frown stayed plastered onto his face as he drank his morning orange juice... but beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. This was one puzzle he didn't have any answers for.

Pandemonica could relate. Only she and the Helltaker knew what it was like to have money problems... each of the other demons just mooched, robbed, and pillaged whatever they needed, or otherwise, were just born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Still, she couldn't help scolding him for his lack of fiscal responsibility... but she smiled after, grabbing the clipboard back up and flipping to the second page. "We're not out of options. There is one benefit of your current situation..."

"Oh, yeah... If I know the CEO of hell... I could probably get her to spot me," the Helltaker mused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Not exactly what I had in mind." Pandemonica sighed, then turned the clipboard back around and pointed to several underlined, neatly organized bullet points on the page. "With all of the extra bodies, there should be a way to run your own business out of your home. I've taken the liberty of coming up with a number of suggestions that could be used to turn these freeloaders from fiscal draws into extra sources of income. For starters, with a modest investment in computers and office supplies..."

The Helltaker had a lot of good points, but he was a man with distractions. While Pandemonica droned on about potential profit points, he found himself struggling to keep attention; demon after demon came through the kitchen to beg him for another round of pancakes, more orange juice, or to try orange juice in their pancakes, which he kept reassuring the Triple Demon was a terrible idea and not something he planned to endorse. Pandemonica couldn't help but feel ignored and increasingly furious... while she was the one trying to help the Helltaker, it felt like he could never really appreciate it. In fact... she had to admit, she felt envious of all of these goofballs, who were capable of endearing themselves to him while just slacking off and stabbing the guy with various pointy things.

She was especially annoyed that he didn't seem to be paying proper attention to his state of financial peril.

How was she supposed to make a lecture anywhere near as interesting as the zany antics of the other demons? There had to be some way to spice up the presentation...