Declarations of Love

There was a man and woman standing at the podium. Once he saw you move towards an empty chair, he acknowledged you with a "Hello John!". The crowd soon stood up, turned towards you, and began applauding. Apparently they were expecting you. Once everyone sat back down the man began speaking:

"As you know, last week was our busy week at work. Tami here knew that too. On Monday I asked her to make my favorite meal: lamb chops. Well don't you know it, not only did I come home to find lamb chops on the table, but she made my favorite dessert and these garlic mashed potatoes I loved as well. Even better, for the next four days, when I got home from work, she had a favorite meal and fixing waiting for me. I love this woman!"

The man and presumably Tami then kissed. The crowd applauded. That certainly wasn't a religious speech; in fact it seemed kind of nice. Soon, another man and woman made it to the podium and started speaking:

"I had the worst cold last week. Angela here had all the medicine I needed ready as soon as I started coughing. I asked her why she had that in stock when she knew medicine expired. You'll never believe it, but she bought it all three days before I got sick! She said that after 21 years of living with me she could tell when I would get sick before I could! Everyone, I love this woman!"

That man and his wife Angela kissed, the crowd applauded yet again. You thought that this may in fact just be a group of people celebrating their "way of life". Just as you were starting to feel better about the situation, the next speaker and his wife said something that caught you off guard:

"I didn't mean to do this everyone, but last Wednesday I accidentally shot my load right into Keri's open eye. She tried all night to clean it out but no matter what she did she couldn't get her eyelid to stop sticking! Trooper that she is though she never once complained or got upset. She wore an eye patch until yesterday when the doctor got her some prescription grade stuff that cleaned it right out. I couldn't help but call her eye The Cum Catcher for the rest of the week. Thanks for putting up with that Keri!"

That was disgusting! Worse yet, he kissed his wife, she kissed back, and the crowd started applauding again! Were they really "happy" for this couple? The husband came on his wife's eye and they're applauding that she didn't complain? Just when you thought about leaving, the next speaker went up and told a tale that had you floored.