Day 7: El Santo and the Mystery of the Pyramid

He really should have worn something more than a cape, wrestling shorts and a mask of silver while traversing dense vegetation under the searing hot sun of the Amazonas, but for a crime fighter and wrestler like El Santo, you have nothing if you don’t have style. Even in the middle of uninhabited wilderness, he could accept no excuse not to show off. Who knew if anyone was watching?

The masked wrestler trudged his massive frame up a cliff, and he soon found himself overseeing the gorgeous jungle terrain from atop the cliff. He held up the bronze pendant of an eye inscribed in a triangle that was found on the scene of the **** back in Mexico. In the distance he could see the matching bronze pyramid protruding from the jungle and shimmering in the afternoon sun, with the same eye carved into its top as on the pendant.

So this really was the right place.

El Santo leapt off the side of the cliff and slid down to the jungle floor, continuing his relentless march toward the pyramid. All signs pointed to the perpetrator being part of a dark cult, and whoever they were, they had strange powers on their side. The victim in question had been electrocuted, and there was no sign of anyone entering or leaving his house. Whatever the masked vigilante would find at the pyramid may well turn out to be the greatest challenge of his career… But right now he was ready for anything.

From how dense the vegetation was, moving through it was more like swimming than walking, but El Santo soon found himself out of the thick of the jungle as he set foot in a clearing. The difference between the jungle and the clearing was like that of night and day, quite literally actually, since it was so dark inside the jungle it might as well have been night. When he entered the clearing he was blinded by the brilliant sun, and as his eyes grew accustomed to the light he found signs of civilization.

A totem pole with four ugly, scary faces stacked on top of one another, reaching above even his own prominent stature. Spears and clubs were strewn on the ground, and he found the footprint among the tall grass, but no sign of anyone at the present. That may as well be though, for El Santo had no business with any of them. His goal was set on the pyramid in the distance, and he had no time for any distraction. He kept going past the totem pole and towards the bronze pyramid.

Unbeknownst to him, however, the various faces jumped off of each other, for they were actually the masks of small people standing on each others’ shoulders, watching the wrestler as he passed by. They removed their masks used as disguises, and lo and behold: short, green-skinned women dressed in bikini-tops and loincloths made from deer-skin. The top of their bodies were petite in spite of their curvy hips and thick thighs.

They looked toward one another and hushed, suppressing laughter as they grabbed their weapons from the ground and sneakily pursued the wrestler, ducking under the tall grass as mischievous grins adorned their faces. The closer they got to the unsuspecting man in silver, the more deranged from excitement their toothy grins became. Soon they were within pouncing distance of him. At a moment's notice, he would become their captive for their own pleasure before he even knew what was going on. They grew reckless the more they had to suppress the urge to attack, but their aggression had to be restrained until just the right moment…

“Roaaaahh!!” Club in hands, the goblin at the front leapt at the towering mass of muscle that was her prey, and her sisters took the cue to run ahead to surround him.

Having anticipated this ambush, El Santo grabbed the goblin in the air long before she could get within striking distance, and tossed her at her friend, the two of them landing in a pile on the ground.

By this time, one of the goblins had already lunged at him with a spear, but El Santo nimbly stepped aside and grabbed hold of the shaft, lifting her with it and waving her like a flag with it until she lost grip and flew to the ever growing pile of goblins.

Only one goblin girl remained on her feet, and when she looked up at the gargantuan specimen of a man hovering over her, she dropped her spear and jumped on top of the pile by her own volition.

Soon after, the silver wrestler had tied the goblin girls together, and it was time to interrogate them.

“Now, what exactly were you trying to do to me?” El Santo asked.

“Wanted shiny!” A goblin whose red hair was tied in a long ponytail said, looking at his mask, cape and shorts.

“Wanted what was under shiny!” A goblin with freckles whose unkempt hair covered part of her face said as she licked her lips.

“Wanted to know what was under shiny!” A goblin with long blonde hair said, “Curiosity killed the cat… Because curiosity made cat explode!”

“I am sorry, ladies!” El Santo puffed out his chest and rested his hands on his hips, “My secret identity must not be revealed! People need to believe in a hero who will never relent when in the face of evil and injustice… And that hero needs to be mysterious!”

The goblin girls looked with awe and admiration at the hero brimming with passion and glory.

“Still have to know! What under shiny!?”

“Perhaps one day the world will be ready… But that day is not today. For now, I have work to do. I need to find out the secret of the Bronze Pyramid.” El Santo looked heroically at the pyramid in the distance.

The red haired goblin cocks her head, “Shiny face wants shiny box?”

“Don’t go!” The gold haired goblin shrieked, “Don’t go! Please! Many dangerous things there! Shiny face never return!”

“Danger? Hah! The great El Santo merely laughs in the face of danger! Ahahaha!”

“AHAHAHAHA!!!” The goblin girls mimicked the wrestler’s laughter.

“But he also wishes to know all that he can about the pyramid. What manner of dangers await once I approach?”

“Scary lights!”

“Strange sounds!”

“Robed creatures moving inside!”

“And how do I get inside?” El Santo asked.

The goblin girls shook their heads, “Shiny face must not go in there! We will never tell!”

The wrestler scratched the patch of silver covering his chin, “Very well, but if I am to heed your warning, I must know what not to do in order to not enter the pyramid… Rest I do so inadvertently.”

“Oh! Good thinking!” The brown-haired goblin said, “Whatever you do, stay away from cave at foot of the mountain! Tunnel to shiny box there!”

“Thank you, little one!” The wrestler’s large hand ruffled the already messy hair of the goblin, who giggled, “Now I know exactly what not to do! Now, I will of course release you… But before I can you must promise not to attack me again!”

“We promise!” The mouths full of pointy teeth of the goblin girls grew into innocent smiles.

Night fell, and with a lantern in hand to the foot of the mountain on which the Bronze Pyramid rested, moving some ferns out of the way revealed a long passage into the heart of the mountains that El Santo followed.

In the distance he heard chanting echoing along the walls, which got louder as he approached. When he saw a light at the end of the tunnel, he hooded his lantern and proceeded to sneak the rest of the way. Soon enough he could see robed men standing in a circle around a stone altar, their faces concealed by the shadows of their hoods. The monotonous chant of the creepy cult could be discerned from this distance…

“Two sets of pots for the price of one… Order now to get a power boiler free with purchase… Bargain of a lifetime, only one phonecall away…”

…These weren’t chants. These were salespitches! On the altar were placed various home appliances, the substandard quality of which rendered them dangerous more than they were useful. That cheap knock-off of a toaster, for example, may as well have been a **** trap, the way it could electrocute someone inadvertently.

Turns out our hero was facing something much more evil than he could possibly imagine.

El Santo heroically jumped into the room and held out his open hand, “Halt, evildoers! In the name of justice I demand your surrender!”

The robed men turned to face the masked vigilante, pulling the hoods off of their heads.

“Evil? Us?” One of them said as he pulled the hood off of his head, “We are just creating opportunities for the downtrodden and unlucky! The Pyramid we worship is not the one in which we reside. No. We worship the symbol of our business structure! Each of us recruit sellers, who will pay their recruiters and, in turn, will recruit sellers that work for them, paying them part of their profit! The duality of employer and employee exists within us, as does the duality of top and bottom.”

“That’s not just evil…” El Santo pointed at them accusingly, “That is stupid too! Do you realise that the need for new recruits increases exponentially for each level?”

“As expected. Nothing is under the mask on your head. Only glamour and showing off. The splendour of a truly masterful Pyramid Scheme is truly lost on the likes of you!”

“This insanity ends now! If you will not listen to reason, or renounce your wicked ways…” El Santo steps in, tossing his cape behind his back in a big, dramatic movement and entering an intimidating wrestling stance, “...Then I will be **** to take you in!”

“Get him!” The cult leader pointed towards El Santo, sending a huge wave of cultists rushing towards the wrestler.

Without relenting for a moment, El Santo ran towards the oncoming cult like a bull, wrapped himself in his cape and with blinding speed rolled towards them like a ball of silver.

One by one, the cultists turned tail as they realised what they were heading towards, but it was far too late. The ball struck them like a bowling ball, sending them flying in all directions. El Santo bounced off of the wall like a pinball, striking the unsuspecting cult leader in the head with overwhelming ****. Bouncing between the cave walls, El Santo struck cultist after cultist as they tried to flee in a fit of panic, sending them in complete disarray.

With an astonishing feat of acrobatics, the wrestler back flipped and landed on his feet before the remaining cultists. He was going to take them out with his own bare hands!

He swung to the left! He swung to the right! With every punch, a cultist flew back and landed on two others. When he picked up a cultist and threw him, he landed on five others. The man was invincible!

Someone whistled.

El Santo looked back in the direction as he dropped the cultist he held by the throat with one hand, and the one he held upside down by his ankle with the other hand, both landing sprawled and motionless on the floor.

El Santo now stood face to face with a large cultist with thick arms and protruding chest under the same loose robe as all other cultists, his gargantuan posture towering over the hero.

The new opponent cackled in a loud baritone voice as he looked down on his excited opponent, “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

The huge cultist opened his robe and tossed it aside, and as it turned out he looked very different without a shirt. He was nothing but skin and bone, his impressive size beyond his height, was all because the robes were a little too loose for him.

El Santo has seen coat-racks that looked more intimidating than this dude!

El Santo didn’t know if he should laugh or cry… But he really wanted to laugh and so did just that, “AHAHAHAHA! My good man! Why don’t you go back to mommy where it’s safe? Let the real man handle the fight and… Gurrkk…”

The skinny cultist grabbed El Santo by his throat and tossed him against the cave wall. As he bounced back helplessly, the skeleton simply held his arm out so as to meet the wrestler by his throat, sending him falling to the floor. As El Santo lay in a heap on the floor, he could only watch as the deceptively strong opponent jumped at him like a hungry lion only to land elbow first on his solar plexus, knocking the air out of him.

Being a proud man of justice and hope, El Santo had underestimated his opponent based on his appearance, and was now heading towards a humiliating defeat as the skinny man lifted the wrestler in silver by the throat and slapped him over and over and over. Finally, when El Santo could only dangle limply in his opponent’s grasp, he raised his hand in order to finish him off once and for all… Not by taking his life, of course… But by taking his mask! A far worse fate for a proud luchadore!

But he was interrupted when he heard whistling coming from the cave entrance, and looked in the direction.

After that he was struck by a dart to the neck. Down to the floor he went, with the much heavier wrestler on top of him.

“Hey! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” The red-haired goblin said as she looked down on him with hands resting on her curvy hips.

Two of the goblins grabbed El Santo by his arm and pulled him up, “We told you to stay away! Right! We did, didn’t we?”

Still shaky on his feet, El Santo could only laugh, “Thank you, girls. You are not at all as mischievous as you look!”

“Yeah…” The blonde goblin cleared her throat, “That’s exactly it! That… And we maybe were hoping to get a piece of the booty!”

El Santo looked at the barely functioning home appliances lying on the altar, “To tell you the truth, girls… There is not much of a treasure over here…”

The giggling goblin girls surrounded the fallen, skinny cultist, who could only watch in despair as they approached him with rope as they licked their lips, “...Matter of perspective really.”

Back at the clearing, the goblin girls danced around the totem pole, their love prisoner tied against it. El Santo simply looked at the bonfire dancing against the black of the night sky, fueled by the various home appliances that were banished from the Earth once and for all. Soon the night came to a close, and the sun would rise.

Yet again justice and sanity had prevailed.

All in a day’s work for El Santo!