Daphne Starts to Plot A Benevolent (And Scarlet Redirects Her With Some MM Fun?)

Daphne

Gina didn’t like my prank present, huh? I’ll win her friendship yet! Just need a better plan…

Scarlet walks into Daphne’s room (which, of course, is mostly used to store her things and give her a place to privately resolve her Time for a Restock transformation) to see her mermaid-wife bent over a computer with a word processor file open; the top line reads “Operation: Benevolent ****” with some outlined notes underneath.

“You kidnap Gina and our Beloved is not going to be happy, Daph.”

Daphne minimizes the file and sputters, “I wasn’t going to kidnap her for long. Just enough for us to become friends?”

Scarlet pinches the bridge of her nose, “You know how insane that sounds, right love?”

“I kidnapped you once and look how we turned out.”

“Even after nearly a century of marriage, I still sometimes forget just how strange our lives turned out. How about we stop with the premeditated felony plans and do something else?”

Daphne turns around and moves towards her “bed,” which is really just a Jacuzzi. She slips into the water and her mermaid tail returns. “You know,” she begins, “Marcie and Gina just finished their review of Mark’s season’s second week…”

Scarlet sighs and pulls up a chair, “I suppose we can return to that. Remind me what our complaints were?”

Daphne duly does, in convenient bullet form:

• Cass is incompetent (too many contestants, odd starting number, poll shenanigans, poor transformation design)
• Cass did contestants dirty (Sam punishment, screwing up Laura’s date, not vetoing the Bimbo speak TF)
• Editing woes (long, rambling speeches)
• Merida is a Merida Rule violator
• Rules lawyering theme sometimes irritating. Being idiotic with temporary TFs theme almost always irritating.
• Trigger warnings cause anxiety.
• Too much BE (Scarlet only)
• No slumber party orgy.
• Cass kidnapped a Morgan Freeman to narrate home movies (mostly Scarlet only)
• Mark is kind of an asshole (Talia word swaps, not using the Chloe candy)

“May I ask what the Merida Rule is?”

“Something we coined during a previous review to speak out against over exaggerated accents.”

“Oh, fair enough.”

“Finally,” Daphne concludes, “I’d like to add that neither Cass nor her transcriber has bothered to respond to our review of her Week One. I can understand not filming a whole shoot for it, but no comment? Just being a filthy bookmarker? For shame!”

Scarlet sighs, “With that, shall we begin, love?”

Daphne nods and they read:

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“We start with the nebulous space after the transformations but before the date schedule really begins. Isabella’s introduction causes some consternation, both for her, obviously, and for Allie. We also see the start of some character arcs: Aubrey seeking (in-challenge) **** against Sam, Merida seeking an animal-girl transformation of her own, Ellen getting a real shitty ‘treated like garbage by basically everyone in the harem’ arc started via Allie rejection.”

“Also,” Daphne adds, “Ellen is getting really close to violating the Merida Rule. We can understand her, but it is super annoying.”

“Cass is incompetent. Most everyone coalesces at the Casino, where they gamble with temporary transformations. Seriously, it’s like they never learn. Mark gets **** into naked Mary, which is nice; would be nicer without the depression medication induced cartoon balloon tits.”

“The impromptu Isabella date continues with relationship talk and Mary out-owning Bruno. Then bed cuddles. I love cuddles!” Daphne makes motions to get some hugs from Scarlet.

Scarlet carefully provides a hug. Daphne’s Jacuzzi runs WAY too cold for her molten core. “Now that we are through that and starting dates, can we do the ‘focus only on the dates’ thing you did with Josie and Tina?”

Daphne, still glomped onto her oread-wife, quips, “Sure. Unless something super important comes up, we’ll focus just on the dates.”

“Ellen date first. It starts with yet more idiocy with transformation candy. Then, they head to Daphne’s worst girl Maja for fashion advice.”

Daphne shudders at the concept of fashion. Scarlet continues, “Maja apparently hates puns and clothing restriction transformations. I wonder how she’d respond to Skye? Anyways, after Maja’s smack talk, they visit Petra, where Mary tries on outfits. Then we get a visit to Ellen’s shop, with ASTRID weirdness, Ellen threatening to **** Merida-mannequin with a dumb candy, and more dress-up play. You should really join Alex and I on a shopping trip sometime, Daph. We could find you the cutest shark themed clothes.”

Daphne makes a face, breaking her careful cuddle in the process. Clothes! Blegh! “Meanwhile, Talia gets real dumb from dumb Milk Dumbs candy and Aubrey decides to collect milk to **** her ‘friends.’ Good news: she makes herself relevant; bad news: she makes herself a problem. The collection process kind of works? Her plan almost instantly falls apart, though.”

“Getting back to the date, Ellen gets hit with Talia’s candy induced dumbness when she tries on a Talia bodysuit. The dumbness sticks around, as Ellen doses herself with Milked Dumbs during her brief time lactating while Talia. Then much, much, MUCH more candy nonsense.”

“Nothing like cucking Ellen during her date to make Mark look shitty, right?”

Scarlet agrees with a nod, “Moving on, Laura date. Laura has a candy induced pregnancy scare. Then they go to watch Morgan Freeman narrated home movies. Mary cock shames Smug while negotiating with the dragon about letting him/her sleep with Laura. After movie time, we have Mark and Laura domme Ellen. I really don’t get the appeal.”

Daphne shrugs, “Talk to Airika? She likes it. Now it’s Talia’s date, after several chapters of rules lawyering and other miscellaneous squabblings. We start with a horny confessional with weird Laura evangelism. Then frozen water skating for like a lap, then they fall and play with each other’s egg sacs until Mary has a nipplegasm! Then another lame shopping trip. They end up at those shops during dates waaaaay too often. Finally some talking and some anime watching.”

Scarlet picks up the summary, “Sam date. Start with a race car ride, then a dragon ride, which was super fun when we did that with Glitterdust on my last date on our season, then giant fire-breathing chicken hunting. I refuse to call them dinosaurs. Some anime watching leads to Sam and Mark going to her dad’s wake, which is sweet. Definitely the best date of the week, even without any sexy times.”

Daphne nods, “Good for Sam; she needed that. Chloe date. We start with a demanding conversation. Then - blegh - more clothes shopping. And Chloe is into CNC, which is not any of our things. Then another demanding conversation. The skinny dipping conversation after that is less assholish. Then more CNC skirting sex in the Suite.”

“Aubrey date, after Cass assigns them to write letters for,” Scarlet pauses long enough to spit a glob of magma, “Genet’s season. We start with a conversation that leads to a milking ‘n’ blowjob scene. The shopping scene is more about rules lawyering Aubrey’s transformations than clothes, which should please my mermaid-wife. We get a mostly off-transcript run and awkward shower scene. Then, video games, where Aubrey is displayed as having pink magic, which is dumb. Finally, dinner and a movie.”

Daphne watches the magma sink through the floor and the tower’s enchantments repairing the damage. “Merida the Merida Rule Violator is next. I know it’s a side thing, but Mark is right; vegetables are gross and poison!”

Scarlet rolls her eyes, “They aren’t, and Mark is such a child for refusing to eat a salad, but continue.”

Daphne nods, then does so, “Anyways, Merida date. It’s all about exploiting that brat energy transformation. They make a bet, then Mark intentionally aggravates her. Repeatedly, like a dolphin blowhole. I am glad our Beloved doesn’t do that with us. Then sex and a thing called Spaceballs 2? All I know is that our show-runner liked that reference. That was the brief moment it didn’t dislike Merida.”

Scarlet shrugs, “Anyways, Flora date. Flora forgot to plan a date, mostly because she was planning for the LARP campaign date idea that Cass co-opted to be their next round, sooooo… video games? Then a walk on the beach and a beachside camp out with nipple play.”

Daphne responds as expected, “I like egg sacs! Finally, the Allie ‘n’ Isabella date. MORE clothes shopping? BOO! Then another trip to the movies to listen to Morgan Freeman. I know we complained about repeating dates with Laura Black’s season, but it really feels like too many of these girls go down the same few wells repeatedly.”

“Also, bad Cass for **** the Morgan Freeman.” Scarlet scolds.

“Then dancing on the movie theater stage triggers a near panic attack and Mark basically calls the date early. Finally, we get to the challenge and it’s the Transformation Gun Challenge! Cow-Guy is so mad in the comments!”

“Cow-Guy?”

“He shares an account with Shar and Wrynn. They all HATE the Transformation Gun Challenge. Mattie would be booing the wands over the usual gun motif. Each girl has three targets, who is connected to somebody on the show. They have to give a transformation to at least one of them. This is a pure audience vote challenge, so the audience did its thing.”

“I am still pissed off about my placement when we went through it.”

“Just saying, you could have given your mom bigger egg sacs when you cured her of her cancer…”

Scarlet fumes a bit, then smolders, “I know it worked out in the end and they had a long, happy life here after our game was done. I still miss them.”

“Hey, we can go visit the graveyard when we’re done?” Daphne offers. Scarlet nods and accepts.

Daphne continues, “Sadie, an oft referenced rival to Chloe, and Hilde, the carriage driving staff member, get added to the harem. We get the votes and some results. Hilde gets glitch powers, horse-girled, semen eating, and being glitched power. Sadie gets flight, **** happy thoughts, a brat power, fae-ed, **** friendship, and grudge match power. Merida gets turned in a kitsune with a giant wall of text; it is like 3 transformations smooshed together. Also the awful Ellen bimbo transformation was deleted pre-challenge, Talia’s girlfriend transformation got tuned down, and Hilde had a legacy transformation replaced with another vote.”

Scarlet interrupts Daphne, who is vibrating with excitement, “Then, while the votes are tallied, we get fan-mail. I think this is the first time our whole harem of the time wrote (or filmed) some fan-mail. Want to do a tier list or something about how they responded to us? I mean, that was a really shitty morning when we watched their responses, so, maybe with some hindsight, they won’t be as shitty to us as they felt.”

“Sure! I love mail!”

Daphne preps a tier list and they sort through it:

• S-tier: Cass
• A-tier: Flora, Isabella
• B-tier: Sam, Hilde
• C-tier: Mark, Sadie
• D-tier: Talia, Allie, Laura
• F-tier: Lucia reacting to Laura’s letter
• Did Not Get a Letter From Us Tier: Ellen, Chloe, Aubrey, Merida

After the list was assembled, they both sigh. Scarlet speaks first, “Wow, if Mark threatening Harper with FtM torment was the middle of the pack, that seems… bad.”

Daphne snarls, “I am reminded that I am mad about Talia rejecting my present.”

“You see how rude Allie and Lucia were to Skye?”

“At least it seems like Cass did an excellent job with our Beloved’s letter; she gave good advice and was not a jerk. Since it seems like Cass is dealing with the LARP rules before handling transformations, I suppose we should start wrapping up with general thoughts. Any changes to your best girl, worst girl, Scarlet?”

“I kind of like all of them less?” Scarlet relents after a bit of thought, “The rules lawyering and constant haggling for favors is incredibly aggravating. For a couple of them, Ellen and Talia, the audience kind of broke them with transformations, so it’s not completely their fault. I guess Hilde is Best Girl now as the least obnoxious or the most justified in being obnoxious? Merida is a monster and the brat energy transformation made it so much worse. Daph?”

“Staff rankings aren’t changing. Slevia is Beat Girl and Maja is Worst Girl. I’m picking Sam over Laura for Best Girl among the contestants; Laura’s squabbling with the Worst Couple got on my nerves and Sam had the best date. Stapletini is Worst Girl; yes, both of them as a single unit of awful. Seriously, Cass, you have too many in the cast and adding more doesn’t help. Also, Zeebop requested a Best Man-Whore List. Are four entrants enough?”

Scarlet arches an eyebrow, “Best Man-Whore List?”

Not explaining the request, Daphne makes the list:

• Noah (The Steward)
• Emrys (Magic Pirate)
• Guy (The Gauntlet)
• Mark (Harem Hotel: Missed Encounters)

“There we go. Hey, Emrys isn’t at the bottom of the list! Good for him,” Daphne declares when she’s done. Scarlet shrugs.

“Finally, after going through all of this again, maybe I was too charitable about Mark back at Andy’s birthday party? He was much more of an asshole once he got over the Week One hump. Jumping to hardcore potentially abusive fetishes without establishing a proper relationship first with Ellen, Chloe, and Merida. Trying to convince Talia to reject her faith in a really stupid way; if you know deities exist, you should be in a somewhat good relationship with at least one of them. You realize what Mykrul does to the uncommitted, dumbass? Banging Aubrey and Chloe in Allie’s bed? Really? And he’s just as bad about favors and squabbling as the others. At least most Masters that go corrupt were either initially evil or on dark seasons…”

Daphne notes, “And the whole LARP thing is going to make the squabbling thing sooooo much worse. But we don’t have to worry about that for a while. That week has to wrap up, then Marcie and Gina need to review it first.”

“Thank Eilistraee. This was a slog,” Scarlet sighs.

Daphne pulls herself out of the Jacuzzi and shakes as much water of her fishy body as she can. She makes the uppy motion, asking, “Carry me ‘til my weird human legs reform? I want to go say hi to Sinead and Shamus with you.”

Scarlet scoops her mermaid-wife up. Daphne’s thoughts of **** a (future) Gina friend are at least temporarily forgotten. She’s having too much fun being carried. Wheeeeee!