Could she be any more annoying?

The moment Kat had disappeared out through the front door, Heather closed it behind her and turned around. She’d been trailing along with us to watch our goodbye. She didn't say anything immediately. She just stood there with her arms folded, watching me as I looked out through the glass as Kat made her way down the driveway. I knew that look. I'd seen it countless times over the years, usually just before she'd said something that made me wish I had been raised as an only child.

“Well?” she asked.

I tried to walk past her. “Well, what?”

Heather stepped sideways and blocked me. “How was your night?”

“It was fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yeah.”

She narrowed her eyes. “That is the most suspicious answer you could possibly have given me.”

I sighed and tried to move around her again. “We went to the dance. We had a good time. Then we came home and went to sleep.”

Heather's eyebrows shot upwards. “You went to sleep.”

“Yes.”

“That's it?”

“Yes.”

She stared at me. I stared back. She folded her arms more tightly.

“You're a terrible liar.”

“I’m not lying.”

“You absolutely are.”

She stepped closer and lowered her voice dramatically. “So... did you kiss her?”

I laughed. “Yes.”

Heather nodded slowly as though she had just confirmed an important scientific theory. “Okay. Good start.”

“Heather.”

“What? I'm your sister. I'm allowed to ask.”

“You're really not.”

“Yes, I am.”

She started following me towards the kitchen. “Did she kiss you first?”

“Why does that matter?”

“It matters enormously.”

“I’m not telling you.”

Heather gasped theatrically. “Oh, my God. You did.”

“Did what?”

“Something.”

“I didn't say anything.”

“You didn't have to.” She grinned. “I knew it.”

I rubbed my face. “You are unbelievably annoying.”

“I prefer thorough.”

She leaned against the kitchen counter as I got myself a drink. “So?”

I ignored her.

“Was she nervous?”

I looked at her.

Heather smiled. “Was she?”

“She was.”

“Aww.” She actually looked pleased. “That's kind of sweet.”

I shook my head and tried to walk away.

“Did you make her nervous?”

“I don't know.”

“Did she make you nervous?”

“Yes.”

Heather's grin widened. “Very nervous?”

I gave her a look.

She laughed. “Okay, okay. I'm backing off.” She paused for approximately two seconds. “Did you two have sex?”

I nearly choked on my drink. “Heather!”

“What?”

“You can't just ask that!”

“Apparently I can.”

She watched me carefully. I said nothing. Her eyes widened.

“Oh, my God.”

“Heather.”

“You did!”

I closed my eyes.

She immediately started laughing. “You fucked Kat!” Heather said in an exaggerated stage whisper.

“Keep going like that, and I won’t tell you anything.”

Heather covered her mouth, still trying not to laugh. “Sorry.” She wasn't sorry. Not even slightly. For a moment she just stared at me, and then her expression softened. “You really did.”

I nodded reluctantly.

Heather's face changed again, but this time there was no teasing in it. “Well…” She smiled. “I'm actually happy for you.”

I looked at her. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged. “You've been mooning over Rebecca for years, and then somehow you end up taking Kat to the dance, and you have your first time with her that very night.” She shook her head. “You couldn't have planned that if you tried.”

I smiled despite myself. “No. I definitely couldn't.”

Heather nodded. “And she seems happy.”

“She is.”

“And you're happy.”

“Yeah.”

She gave me a little shove against the shoulder. “Then good.”

For about three seconds, I thought the interrogation was finally over. Then Heather's grin returned. “So, who made the first move to get into bed?”

I groaned. “Heather!”

“What? That's an important detail.”

“No, it isn't.”

“Did you have your condoms?”

I stared at her.

She stared back. “You bought them,” she said. “I'm allowed to know whether my fifty dollars was well spent.”

“That's not how this works, and you still owe me that fifty dollars regardless of what happened.”

She burst out laughing. “Oh, this is fantastic.”

I tried walking towards the hallway, towards my room.

She followed. “Did you at least remember what I told you?”

“Told me what?”

“About making sure she was comfortable. About not being an idiot.”

I stopped. “Yeah.”

Heather's teasing expression faded for a moment. “Good.” She nodded. “Seriously.”

I gave her a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Don't get sentimental.” And just like that, the moment was over. She pointed towards me. “But I'm still going to need to know whether you're officially dating her.”

I shrugged. “I think so.”

“You think so?”

“We haven't exactly held a board meeting about it.”

Heather laughed. “Well, you better work that out before Mum starts calling Kat her future daughter-in-law.”

“Please don't say that.”

“Too late.”

I rounded the corner and stepped into my room. I tried to close the door on Heather behind me, but she was too fast. She pushed the door open with her palm and followed me into my room. I sat down in my gaming chair, and Heather lay out on my bed. She sniffed it and said, “It doesn’t smell like disappointment and dissatisfaction, so you didn’t do it here, at least. So where was it? Did you guys get a motel or did you fold her over in the back of a car?”

“You're sick in the head, and you must be retarded if you think I’m going to tell you that,” I told Heather in no uncertain terms.

My sister just took it as having scored a nerve on me and to poke me even harder. “At least tell me what her little tits are like. Are they as perky as they seem? I bet she’s got tiny little nipples to go with them.”

“You're gross.”

Heather wasn’t phased at all and tried even harder to get under my skin. “What about her O-face? Does she look like this when she cums? What about this? Or this?”

I tried not to give Heather the satisfaction of making me laugh when she cycled through a bunch of different orgasmic looks on her face until she finished with a full-blown Ahegao expression, complete with crossed eyes, tongue out and the most ridiculous look of ecstasy.

“Please tell me you’ve never done that. Wait, I don’t want to know.”

“Oh yeah, guys love it when I do that shit,” Heather laughed. “So, what does Kat sound like when she cums? Is a little soft moaner?” Heather started to roll around on my bed in dramatic throws of passion. “Is a screamer?” She switched to full-throated cries of release, bearing in mind that our parents were still in the house and could be listening in on anything. “Oooh, what about dirty talk? Is she a swearer? Oh fuck! Yes! Oow fuck! I’m cumming! Fuck me!”

If she wasn’t my sister and being an absolute bitch right then, I’d probably have found it all quite arousing. Heather was certainly a very convincing actress when she wanted to be, and sex was one of her favourite subjects.

In any case, I’d had enough of her prodding and teasing. I stood up and took hold of her under the arm as she continued to fake climax on my bed. “Get the fuck out of my room whore.”

“Yeah, I doubt you would have made her cum anyway, to find out,” Heather said as she was finally shown out of my room. I was just closing the door on her when I heard. “And clean your room! It can't be looking all gnarly if you're going to be bringing chicks over now.”

I looked towards my bedroom. It didn’t look that bad. Kat said it was very me last night. I turned back towards my now-shut bedroom door and shook my head. Having the world's most annoying sister was apparently a lifelong condition.