Cora and Cerebia read Bad Sex by Zeebop

"So let me get this straight, Cora, Zeebop intentionally went out of his way to make a bad sex story."

"Also, he or she is a prostitute with braces."

"Huh?"

"I don't see how else accusing that character of being a pedophile can be confused with accusing the author. At least this is short."

READING IN PROGRESS

The erotic imagination had been drained, the hand numb and half-crabbed with repetitive motions. Climax refused to come. During hot, sweaty nights, Sam had hoped for a wet dream...and erotic nightmare...but nothing worked. Nothing came.

"How is that even possible, Cora?!"

"Well, we've only just started and I'm already grossed out."

"Really, he's fucking old people!"

"At least its... different to want we've been getting in Lois Lane's Night Out. If we do give that story another read, we might want to get a different approach. Turns out trying to read through the entirety of it is ****. Maybe we should just do the Lex Luthor route next time."

"He's about to fuck someone's grandma! That's worse than anything in that story!"

"I am feeling what I think is called the Brown Note. Somehow Sam gets an erection."

"And then the old bitch cracks her hip. The end."

"Not the end. We still have more space to fill."

"Okay. She dies of a heart attack as well. This is not getting me off."

"I have a feeling Zeebop just wrote this story as a joke."

"And in the third branch, it turns out Sam fucked his own grandmother. God, the dialogue is just making this worse. This makes Hard Candy look like a masterpiece."

"Some of these endings don't feel like endings. Birthmark could easily have been merged with Crack Goes Her Hip and Weak Heart."

"Can we finish this now?"

"We're still only 30% complete for this review."

"The next girl starts off great but her Frankenstein face ruins it."

"Don't insult Frankenstein like that. The Bride of Frankenstein was quite attractive. Zeebop also seems to think having one eye a different colour to the other makes you ugly. Zeebop has also misspelt some words. It's 'same' and 'accident'."

"Sam tries to get round this problem by giving Shelley anal."

"And Zeebop continues to misspell words."

"But he ends fucking her pussy. Somehow. How is he getting a boner?"

"So we try putting a bag over Shelley's head."

"But we end up with a BDSM scene."

"It's a shame, she didn't put on the Michael Myers mask. Sam had the better role play idea."

"What? Getting stabbed or being Sawed?"

You can't fuck her if you're about to puke in her face, he said. And if you tell her she's ugly, you're not going to get laid at all. Need to play this smart. Maybe a blindfold...or...

"Won't she also get banned if she refuses to fuck with Sam? I thought this was a two way street, Cora. And the third girl Sam can try it with it is a fatso."

"I, uh, was glad I didn't scare you off," she said as she lowered the bottle, which was half-gone. "Being my size, and with my mobility issues...can turn off a few folks. And then there are always the freaks. The feeders, gainers, all that scene. I mean, I know I'm fat, but it's not a fetish or lifestyle thing for me, you know?"

"No, its a too lazy to lose the fucking weight thing for her."

"I can't see this going well, Cerebia."

"Yep, Sam couldn't even find the bitch's pussy.

"I was a wrestler and weight lifter in high school and college," she said, the pretty smile sad now. "Blew a knee in my senior year. Had to stop training, but I couldn't shift my eating habits, you know? So the weight just kept piling on and on...and the more I weighed, the harder it was on my knees. Vicious cycle. Anyway, up you go."

"I think its more likely that Bea just spent her whole life eating everything in sight, Cora."

"And we get another non-ending. Couldn't Sam have just hired a prostitute? Well, we managed to get through all of the man seeking woman chapters and still have space left for some more."

"Unfortunately, female Sam is just a big ugly cow who's jealous that other women are more attractive than her."

"The DILF route is a little better than the women from the male Sam routes. Zeebop actually knows that there is such a thing as too big."

"There's such a thing as too big?"

"Yes, there is such a thing as too big."

Sam hated herself as she spread her legs. Not just because he was a misogynist, smug asshole full of corny jokes and who had probably never done any foreplay in his life—but because he was right: Sam was wet.

"Did he actually do anything misogynist?"

"That word has a very broad definition, Cerebia."

"Jesus Christ, enough with your castration fetish, Zeebop!"

"Cutting of the genital parts is clearly stated to be against the rules!"

"Can we end this already?"

"We're nearly there. Some anal should finish this review up."

"You know, other little girls have screamed and run away when they saw Daddy's dick. It's why I had to use a service like this. I just hope your eyes aren't bigger than your bottom."

"Okay, I thought Sam was being a bit harsh but if Daddy is a pedophile then fuck that guy. Sam should just kill him."

"Given the fact that Lois and Blaze previously conflated us accusing that prostitute with braces of being a pedophile with accusing Zeebop of being one, I feel we should clarify this one, Cerebia. We're NOT saying Zeebop is a pedophile, we're saying THIS specific character called Daddy, who is showing his dick to little girls, is a pedophile."

"Daddy would very much like to see his little girl climb onto his cock," he said, as he scootched backward on the bed, until his knees were on the edge.

"I am confused, Cora, are they related? And isn't Sam supposed to be 26, not a little girl?"

If this was a date, she would not let him get away with that "little girl" shit.

"I've have called the cops."

"I'm glad Sam broke the bastard's dick, Cora."

"And did the hospital staff really think Sam fucked her own father? I think we got enough and there's still plenty of material left for a future review."