Chapter 2 by Gambio

Which one of these trash-fests do you want to read about?

Congressman Richard Turner, 30 (L,R), by Mothneb

“Today is a special day, Gina.”

“It is?”

“Yes, on this very day, five years ago, we started our review series.”

“THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO?”

“Time sure flies, does it not?”

“How the fuck are we still doing this?”

“Masochists, Gina. So many masochists.”

“Oh, yeah. We’re never getting rid of them all, are we?”

“And we are celebrating this auspicious occasion by reading another Harem Hotel story.”

“That doesn’t feel very auspicious."

“Oh ye of little faith, we are reading Congressman Richard Turner, 30 (L,R), by Mothneb”

“A POLITICIAN?”

“Indeed, Gina. Which means the time has come.”

“?”

“For five years I was holding my controversial takes back. But no longer! This politically charged season will at last provide me with the flimsy excuse I require to share my hot takes without remorse!”

“Uhu. Or you can just not to do that, Marcie.”

“I see no reason why not.”

“I see many. By the way, what are those letters in the title standing for?”

“I assume it stands for the political spectrum presented in each chapter. In this case, Left and Right. Very balanced but we will see how long this will hold up once I reveal my thesis about the perfect form of government!”

“Uhu. Right away, there’s a picture of the master. You can usually tell if a season is ass if the first picture they shove in your face is that of a guy.”

“Gina please. We have not even started reading.”

“And this is one slimy looking bastard. I know it’s a politician, but moth didn’t have to go that hard.”

“Come now, Gina. Do you not always complain that the masters are, and I quote virgin loser nerds? Here we have a productive member of society for a change.”

“He’s a politician, Marcie.”

“Now, now. Not every politician is intrinsically abhorrent, Gina. There are many individuals in politics that did nothing wrong, such as…”

“START THE FUCKING READ!”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“We start this story with how 50% of all Harem Hotel branches start, with the Host talking to the master.”

Feel free to have a set anywhere.

“Way to give the host a free check. This fucker deserves everything that’s coming to him.”

“Congressman Turner, it’s good to meet you. I was hoping you’d be able to help my organization expand the rights surrounding marriage equality.” She said, beaming at him as she began to take papers out of a briefcase he hadn’t noticed when she came in.

“Aha, finally a topic I can weigh in!”

“Marcie, it has not even been a single chapter.”

“Actually, false alarm. Genet only wants to legalize polygamy. How dull.”

The Party (S,A,F)

“Aha, here we go for real!”

“Marcie…”

“Hmm, this is a tricky one. A mostly stands for Alt-right, F should be Far-Left, as Fascism would be a bit redundant. But S? Are we getting into Syncretism? Ohohoho! Now this is getting exciting!”

“It’s a Party, Marcie.”

“Parties are political, Gina.”

“Not that kinda party! A normal party! Less Hitlers and more people dancing!”

“Oh.”

“I like the drunk blonde girl. Reminds me of Marcie, only with smaller boobs.”

“My breasts are not political, Gina.”

“Really? Because they sure are progressive.”

“ehem.”

“Alright, so we are still getting introduced to the girls and wow some of those tits are gigantic! And they aren’t even transformed, yet! This is clearly another wrynn season.”

“Anything, not breast related you want to point out about the cast, Gina?”

“I like Hazel.”

“I figured as much.”

“Bodyguards are hot. You just know she gets into some risky business with her boss!”

“I do not know what this means, Gina.”

“Sex, Marcie. I mean sex. Of the lesbian variety. With roleplay. I bet Helena is a super submissive slut that needs to get wedgied by Hazel on a regular basis to fulfill her masochistic urges. She probably wears briefs like the dork she is.”

“I should not have asked.”

“By the way, this is another one of those seasons who just rushes through the contestants super fast! No idea why hosts always do that. Listen you shits, I don’t remember these girls if you put three of them in the same fucking chapter!”

“It is a bit overwhelming, true. And it does not help that this time we are treated to two Doctors instead of the token one.”

“Yeah but one is a hag, so at least it should be easy enough to keep them apart.”

“Oh, this is new.”

If all un-eliminated contestants together reach 600 VP, then the group can leave. If I can make all of the un-eliminated contestants love and share the master, then I win my game with him, but everyone gets to leave at the end of the round.

“Did I get something wrong or is there seriously no downsides to this fucking game? It’s like you either win or win!”

“Well, the downside is that if they fall in love with the master they have to stay with the master. Which now that I think about it is really not that much of a downside.”

“Thanks for adding nothing, Marcie. The only thing I get out of this is that this is another one of those wimpy light seasons.”

“Perhaps? We should at least first see what the transformations are all about before we judge.”

“Oh boy! I can’t wait to get disappointed again, Marcie.”

“I think Helena ended up with an amusing one. Although I personally found Stuck more entertaining. Luna has potential as well. Aside from those, quite a few cosmetic once. And of course I would be remiss to mention this:

As expected, the host shook her head. “We need to change directions. Hopefully Richard is paying attention right now, as I’m hoping this’ll be a good way to refocus him. The audience should hopefully like this too, as it won with an overwhelming 87% of the first place results. Be prepared, because you May Experience Swelling.”

“Wow! I know the perverts loves big boobs! But that is an insane win percentage!”

“Both the other options would have been more entertaining but alas.”

“Which means Felicia now looks even more like Marcie. Or I guess we could say Marcie looks more like Felicia since I’m pretty sure Felicia’s boob upgrade came first.”

“Yes, moving on from this nonsense, the biggest surprise was actually Hazel who ended up not with the obvious clothing tf but the more interesting transformation transfer.”

“Blah, enough of this! The population poll is absolute garbage again!”

“Popularity, Gina.”

“Whatever!”

“But I agree. I can not believe both Helena and Hazel are that low.”

“I get Hazel, but why are you so obsessed with Helena, Marcie?”

“As a self made billionaire, I identify with her the most.”

“You are not a billionaire, Marcie.”

“No yet, with my genius, we both know it is only a matter of time.”

Aubrey thought about it. “Could we do Rapunzel or Merida? Maybe Snow White could be fun too.”

“Aaaaahhh!”

“Marcie!”

“I just triggered a post traumatic stress response, Gina.”

“Also, another Disney reference, keeping up the streak.”

“Cool.” Ava said. “I’ll play my temple of knowledge, then play proselytize to the pinecones to pull another nature temple to the field and a knowledge temple to my hand from my deck. Pass.”

“What the actual nerd fuck is this shit! This is an entire chapter of just fucking cards! Not even the gamer season did that!”

“They do not have sexual intercourse with the cards, Gina.”

“Of course not. That would be sexy. And we obviously can’t have that.”

“Come now, Gina. That is disingenuous.”

“I would prefer it to be erogenous.”

“All I am saying, there is a decent amount of sex in this story. That said, the author does indeed spend quite a lot of pages depicting the lackadaisical activities of the girls. From Card games, to Dnd Campaigns and even playing tennis.”

“And it’s not even with any stakes, like the loser has to spend the day naked or eat the winner out or anything. It’s just some bullshit leisurely activities!”

“It does tend to come across as a bit gratuitous at times. And not the erotic kind.”

“Fucking nerds. This is wrynn all over again.”

“Please do not puke, Gina.”

“I won’t because at least we have Helena taking the part of heel. She’s kinda shit at it though, but at least she is trying.”

“I do find her butting head with Genet and subsequently getting humiliated very amusing. And with amusing I mean erotic. That part were Genet **** Hel to eat oatmeal with pecans was particularly sexy.”

“Please don’t tell me you masturbated to that.”

“I came close but Genet is unfortunately a tad too nice. She should have made Helena crawl around naked and eat out of a dog bowl."

“Uhu.”

“I also like the use of wrynn’s flashback season as a narrative device. We are getting quite a bit of mileage out of that one.”

“Yeah, yeah, what about the other girls?”

“Felicia is somewhat entertaining. She is very competitive but also very inept.”

“Another thing you have in common.”

“I ignore that. Her obstacle course date with Richard was very amusing but unfortunately we do not see all that much of her competitive side otherwise.”

“Now that I think about it, a lot of these girls are complete failures. Stella gets one bad tf and basically gives up on life and Aubrey can’t even read double digits numbers!”

“And somehow, Helena is still the most incompetent of the bunch by bumbling herself onto another season. Not any season either but Yuki’s.”

A warning before reading: This is the darkest chapter so far, and I plan on it being the darkest chapter my branch will offer. While it isn't on the scale of how dark many branches have gone, it's an aberration for me. Please be patient if something upsets you

“I swear, Marcie, at this point I am firmly confirmed these fucks put trigger warnings in just to screw with me in particular. It’s like your picture obsession but worse because this one actually matters.”

“Well, I do not think it is because of that but I have to say this warning is a bit…”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

“...unnecessary.”

“All that’s happen in this oh so scary chapter is that Helena gets captured by that Yuki Bitch! And I get it, Yuki is the big scary boogie women from Harem Hotel, which we are apparently never going to read because that author is clearly too much of a pussy to submit the Yuki branch! You bitch!”

“Gina, focus.”

“But it’s like, nothing happens? With that fucking warning I was expecting a hardcore gang **** scene but all Helena ends up with is a few embarrassing triggers.”

“Which I like.”

“But these triggers did not need a trigger warning! You stupid Moth!”

“Hm, I will admit that when it comes to trigger warnings authors recently have become quite a bit...trigger happy.”

“…”

“Trigger warnings are valid but they should not be used excessively for every time a story becomes slightly more intense.”

“Yeah, and this so called “story” could use a bit more intensity. Like when we aren’t following the girls playing their Dicks and Dildos games we follow Ava and Dick going through the least intense dungeon ever.”

“The stakes are definitely on the lower side.”

“That’s putting it lightly, Marcie. If it weren’t for Hazel and Helena I would have fallen asleep already.”

“They do make for a cute couple. Helena, as should be expected, was oblivious to Hazel’s feelings until the later confessed. Lesbian relationships are nothing out of the ordinary in Harem Hotel but it is rare for the lesbian couple to have zero interest in the master romantically. In a darker season that could go quite...bad.”

“Oh yeah, we kinda didn’t mention it but Hel is Dick’s brother. So that’s another whole can of worms right there. Really thought we were out of this **** shit for a bit but clearly not.”

“And Helena is surprisingly averse when it comes to engaging in erotic activities with her brother.”

“Surprisingly?”

“I mean, with how easy it is to get points on this season, surely she could have come up with a better solution then blindfolded threesome.”

“Ok, context. Because Genet comes up with a bullshit excuse, Helena now needs to get ten points or she ends up eliminated. And she decided that wearing a fucking blindfold is the best way to handle that.”

“To be fair, that did result in quite the sexy scene.”

“I mean, yeah fine, I get it. But still, Helena is such a fucking dork.”

“I have to agree, Gina. I was somewhat expecting better from Helena. The way she keeps ending up having to crawl around is quite pathetic. But then she even accepts an upgrade to her transformation! Her negotiation skills are utterly subpar. Really, she gives billionaires a bad name.”

“Whatever. Which day is it even, Marcie? I lost count among all this slop.”

“The story is unfortunately somewhat lacking in cohesion. It has a very slice of life quality to it and because of it the days do somewhat blend together.”

What if it was her mauling Luna’s chest?

“Haaaah. Say the line, Marcie.”

“I refuse as in this instance she could be fantasizing about the proper usage of the world maul, which would be disturbing but very much be in the spirit for what it should be reserved, to depict a particular viciousness of nature. That of one creature whose pure strength completely eclipses another.”

“And speaking of eclipsing strength or whatever. Challenge time!

“This time it is escape based. The girls have to escape, Ata, a powerful warrior woman who is chasing them. Not unlike what legolus did really.”

“Hm, yeah. Now I wonder which of them ripped the other off.”

“Well, legolus was more erotic. This might be the least erotic challenge we read so far.”

“I mean, Hazel and Helena fuck during it. Actually, how horny have you be to fuck during a challenge?”

“Very. But lack of sex appeal aside, the challenge was entertaining enough.”

“Ata is kinda cool. Until she isn’t. She would fit right in with this group with how inept she is at everything.”

“I dislike how similar her name is to Ava. I have yet to complain about the names this season but this misstep must be mentioned.”

“Ok, so Ava…”

“Ata.”

“Who cares, the amazon bitch kicks out a few of the girls and then Felicia comes up with a plan and...what the fuck was that?”

“She tricked her.”

“Yes, Marcie, I managed to gather that much. I want to know what exactly she did.”

“Well...”

“You have no idea, huh, Marcie? But then again, nobody does. Probably. I swear, moth is just throwing words around and everyone is too afraid to call him out on it.”

“Well then. We have finally reached the true challenge. The fanmail chapter.”

“Aaah!”

“Fortunately, it is somewhat on the smaller side, but do not get the wrong impression. This fanmail...lasts multiple chapters.”

“WHAT THE FUCK!”

“At least it is broken up with a transformation chapter. I must admit, not too bad an idea of making getting through the fanmail more palpable.”

“Good.”

Worthy Opponent: Felicia will gain the desire to push her fellow harem members toward participating in the fun and games. It’s not much of a victory if they weren’t trying after all! (Rival)

“This season sorely needs something like that. But let us not kid ourselves, the milking transformation will win.”

“Bleh, it’s not like I want that.”

“Helena does get a rerun of “Stuck”, which I hope will make the vote this time. But this one is great too.”

Who’s a Good Girl?: Helena’s worked hard to protect our Master and several harem members, and that deserves a reward. From now on, both praise and headpats become erogenous (Inumimi)

“Now that is what I call good taste. I remember when I did this to you, Gina.”

“Shut up! We’re done!”

“You wish to read the second fanmail chapter?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Alright, I think this is a good place to stop. Now, as for best and worst girl.”

“Easy, Hazel is extremely is the best girl and the worst girl is Maeve.”

“We barely talked about her, Gina.”

“Making my point. I don’t care for her.”

“I pick Helena. She is the most amusing. As for least favorite...Stella just did not impress me in the slightest.”

“STELLA DID NOTHING WRONG!”

Wrong Stella, Gina.”

“Oh right, Yeah I don’t care about this Stella, so meh.”