Confusion and Avoidance

“What are you doing!?” Charity asked, averting her eyes for a moment. It was the first time she’d spoken with me in the seven days since the incident, good, a start.

“Meditating,” I said, “something Sister Rosalia taught me after I submitted myself for punishment today.” It was a lie, but Sister Rosalia had left this afternoon for the abbey in Midlund and wouldn’t be back for two full moons time, far too long to verify.

“Oh,” Charity replied, trying to hide her surprise. “What… did she say? About your punishment I mean?”

I frowned and shrugged, “I mean, you probably already know these things, being a full initiate now,” I sighed, “but she was actually not as mad as I was scared she might be.”

“She wasn’t?” Charity replied and suddenly I felt the urge to rub my new knowledge in Charity’s face. Stuck-up bitch that she’d been to me recently, shaming me for masturbating when she probably did it in secret all the time. Holding the punishment over my head as though she could reveal it anytime she liked, not speaking with me. Not once did she offer to help, to share what she’d been taught, no. She’d been happy enough to humiliate me. But now I knew things too, so ha! Bitch.

I swallowed, somewhere in the back of my mind wondering where such a strong anger had burned up from, but the thought didn’t keep my mouth from working.

“No,” I shook my head, “I was completely surprised when she explained to me that this sort of thing is normal at my age and apologized that no one had properly taught me how to manage it.”

“M-manage it?” Charity tried to hide the surprise with a cough. So she didn’t know? Or was she playing coy, trying to hide information from me again. I pressed on.

“Through meditation,” I explained, indicating my named body and the frost that was forming on the curls of my long, blond hair, “but I’m sure you knew that already, you were picked after all, instead of me…” I knew I was baiting her, but it was also true, and the admission hurt just a little.