Click the icon.

An app you have never seen before opens on your phone, spreading to fill the screen. The words "Affection Multiplier App" bounce around in cartoon bubble letters. As they settle, a green button materializes, labelled as "Begin."

"What is this? Made by a high schooler, or something. Damn kids these days," you murmur to yourself.

Still, you click the green button. Why not? The screen fades away into a purple nebula, reforming into a simple instruction-style screen like on your iMac. A cartoon pig with tiny wings appears, floating around the screen and resting on the corner. A trident materializes in it's hoof, which it pokes into a blank section of the screen. Words began to appear, the pig flying around and poking other areas to continue the introduction.

Welcome to the Affection Multiplier App!

This app is a gift, but it is very powerful. Seriously, it really is! All of the information covered in this introduction can be reviewed later in the Glossary. Please make sure to read through all provided materials, or you may harm yourself or others. - like, life destroying harm and stuff. You have been warned, so take it seriously. Oink, oink!

The second you read the last word, the pig bonks their trident on the text, sending it shattering and falling towards the bottom of the screen. New words rose from the letters in comedic fashion, inducing a confused shake of your head.

[1/10]

Welcome! This is one of ten steps to getting started with the Affection Multiplier App. Please read all ten steps for best results, as they become available to you. Yeah, let's go! Step one: what is the app? It's elementary, my dear Watson! The app makes it so that you have to try much less to make people like you, and we all know you need that. Specifically, the app rewrites the laws of the universe such that you, and you alone, are able to build relationships with people at a rate of five times faster. Wow, that's cool, almost like that time my uncle Ham escaped from the slaughterhouse!

Another slap of the trident, a flap of the comical pig wings, and next text forms on the screen.

[2/10]

Step two: how do I turn it on? You don't! It's already on. How's that for easy? It will automatically take effect for you. Great, right? We literally could not make this any easier for you. So, no excuses!

[3/10]

Step three: what now? Since the app will automatically make people like you, you can expect some changes in your life. We are not liable for those changes, so don't blame us when you end up naked in the shed with your cousin's cousin named Bacon, who is - wait, sorry, ignore that.

[4/10]

Step four: how do I know it's working? Did you read the part above? Seriously, you'd have to be pretty socially inept to not notice it working, but I guess that's why you got the app and not someone else. Or was that the other guy, David... Whatever. Regardless, you can check your relationship status with everyone you know through the app.

[5/10]

Step five: relationship status? That's right! Each person you encounter has an affection status, derived from their opinion of you as a friend. It can range from -100 to 100, and starts at 0 when you meet someone. -100 means they will likely **** you (not really, they'll just really really really not like you), while 100 means they consider you one of, or the, most important people in their life (okay, also not really. You're just their best friend). How's that for impactful?

[6/10]

Step six: quit reading this tutorial, and go do it! Seriously. We'll pick back up when you need it. Interact with someone to begin, and we'll go from there. Oink!

The words dissipate back into that purple nebula, the flying pig following behind and somehow seeming to wave goodbye with it's cloven hoof. As it drifted into the nether, buttons began to float into vision - clear cut, easy on the eyes - designed by an excellent engineer, you think.

Relationships

Glossary

Exit

You attempt to click on the Relationships button, but it does a shakey jerk in response. The glossary opens a new window revealing only the information you were just shown. With a shrug, you click the exit button to suddenly see your home screen. A new icon is visible beside your others: A little anime pig with wings. Bizarre.

An alert dings on your computer - three fifty-five. Time to go talk to Alex.