Chloe Parker Week 2 Part 5

In the grass and twilight, five girls and a boy lay by a campfire, utterly defeated by the horses they had attempted to ride all afternoon.

Osiris had remained friendly and docile. The entire harem had realized that he was undead during the first hour, but no one had admitted it, because each of them assumed someone else still believed he was a normal horse.

The normal horses had not been forgiving. They were mean, poorly trained, and only familiar with Skynet. Laurel and Alan had made a good showing, but even Chloe had given up by the end.

Laurel had found a fire circle and declared it safe. The wood she found was too green and wet for a normal fire, but she had displayed her witchcraft by slathering spit on a stick and setting it on fire with her mind.

No one was sure what to make of that.

Christian and Laurel were the only ones talking. Laurel's stamina appeared boundless, and Christian had known better than to attempt to ride difficult horses.

"So, I think the host was the master's daughter?" Christian said. "Like, there were at least two hosts, and I saw that one's name was changed, and the other called the master 'Daddy,' so I think he was married to the first, and the second was their kid? There seemed to be time travel and alternate dimensions involved."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Laurel nodded seriously. "You said they were also necromancers?"

"I think so, yeah. I guess I wasn't the first dead girl contestant." Christian smiled. "They had another witch, too! I think she eloped with Nick, the master, when he showed up for a college interview? There were like, twenty girls on the show, and I wasn't on set for very long. They seemed way more chill than I expected."

"Well-managed seasons usually end up surprisingly functional. Early seasons were absolute clusterfucks." Laurel smirked. "I would know."

"Were you an early season?" Natalia had managed to catch her breath.

"Maybe?" Laurel shrugged. "There are multiple dimensions, time dilation, time travel, false memories, and people who insist they've been around for centuries. The historical goddess Ishtar is currently running a season about hypnosis fetishists. I know they thought it'd be funny to make me a host without telling me the show's premise, and I had to learn on the job."

"With like, a decade and a half of hindsight, nobody was blaming Laurel." Chloe was nursing a long scrape that had ended the lesson. "Jasmine said it took a long time to admit it wasn't her fault, though."

"Yeah, that tracks." Laurel sighed.

"Any tips?" Joan was exhausted, but had been focused on the conversation. Her two bodies — one a copy of Laurel, entirely lacking in her equestrian skill despite Joan's hopes- were curled up together on the grass.

"I already gave them." Laurel frowned. "Mostly, seduce the host. I think Christian managed it?"

"Kinda?" Christian blushed. "She didn't finish and acted bored."

"Hey, wouldn't you get a spell out of that?" Alan raised his head from the ground.

"I did, and it's gross as fuck." Christian pouted. "I can swallow animals to gain their attributes."

Everyone was silent for several seconds.

"Ariadne Ciela Black!" Laurel shouted at the sky, expecting to be answered. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I was trying to be creative," Ariadne's voice answered from behind Laurel. "They think I look like a snake. Snakes swallow prey. Vore is a categorized fetish."

No. No. Give her a better spell." Laurel glared at the girl she had babysat for years, back before she became a host of Harem Hotel. Laurel was unfazed by Ariadne, whether she was a dragon or a platinum blonde fantasy novel OC.

"I will have to—"

"Approved!"

Sky and Tess startled everyone by emerging out of nowhere as well.

"I told her it was stupid." Sky lifted a bottle of yellow liquid. "I bring a peace offering."

"Holy shit, is that what I think it is?" Laurel's eyes widened.

"Some traditions must be respected. This is real Jeppson's Malort, straight from a Chicago that has become physically dangerous to infiltrate." Sky beamed.

"Is it any good?" Christian asked.

"It is very traditional." Tess lay down beside Christian and yawned. This was more impressive because she had shown up in the form of a cheetah.

"Okay, we're saving this for the night before the challenge," Laurel declared. "We can use it for a drinking game."

"Wouldn't that exclude Joan?" Alan asked. "It's her night with me."

"Oh." Laurel frowned. "We'll work something out."

"Yes, we will." Ariadne nodded. "We need something to help with the ratings."

"Your ideas have involved making everyone submit a challenge idea, something like ten separate lessons on history or science, a kindergarten class of necromancers, and trying to host a sex show as a giant snake. Are you really surprised the Audience isn't enthusiastic?" Tess snarked.

"We need time to find our own audience." Ariadne scowled. "I am trying to keep things tasteful."

"Tasteful?" Christian sounded skeptical.

"Sally didn't let Jenny go to the bathroom until she unlocked her room by winning some stupid game. Shar mindfucked Kim to forget she was married and think she was always a lesbian. Aurora grabbed four girls that the mistress hated and two amicable exes. Vanessa's season was all boys who got gender flipped, and only one of them was happy about it. Nymeera had two rapists in the harem, and one of the girls was a victim of one of the rapists. A-Beam's season is shit."

Tess delivered the full rant in cheetah form. Everyone was horrified. Even Laurel looked queasy. No one spoke as everyone processed the list.

"Several of those descriptions were inaccurate enough that you will be getting hatemail, Tess," Skynet said.

No one said much after that.