Chapter 42 – Confirming the surgery

Stephen spreads his hands as he starts explaining the prosthetics, “Okay, all of these require hair removal in the bikini area. With the daily briefs, it can be shaving or waxing, but it must be done before every application. The long- and short-term briefs are on for a longer period and therefore require longer term hair removal. All of them will mimic female external genitalia but with vastly differing levels of realism. The daily briefs are intended for personal application. To look good for you and not others. They won’t mimic anything physically real other than the folds of the external genitalia. The briefs will need to be pulled away to use the bathroom, both urination and defecation, which means carrying adhesive remover and extra adhesive to re-apply…”

The receptionist knocks once before coming into the consultation room. She says that she has a problem client in the lobby and needs Dr. Gold’s assistance. Stephen apologizes and heads out while Dr. Lockwood continues going over the differences in the prosthetics. Like his previous method of speaking he bounces between the different prosthetics without warning or even clear transition, making it even more confusing as I learn a lot about the different prosthetics but couldn’t say which has which feature. Two of them don’t need to be removed to use the bathroom, which sounds good. They also wouldn’t need me to carry adhesive remover and extra adhesive. One has a small pouch that allows for penetration, though not of a full penis. One lines up the head of my penis with the clitoral area so that I could be stimulated like a woman. The other two have me simply folded back where I could be stimulated, it would just be in a physically different location to a normal woman. One includes customized pubic hair that I could decide on color and shape and thickness, though it of course wouldn’t grow.

Just as I think I’m getting a handle on everything, Dr. Lockwood offers up another ‘solution’ that’s less of a prosthetic as it doesn’t look realistic but is more effective than a gaff. A simple skin-like flap that can be temporarily glued into place. If I wanted it to fit discrete where my panties would hide it away, I’d need to have the hair shaved away as it does require an adhesive, but I could also use a larger one that would extend further up past my groin where my hair is naturally thinner. But even then, it would require a little adhesive on my thighs and perineum.

By the time Stephen comes in, I’m beyond confused. I’ve gathered that all these devices and prosthetics are to go over my penis and scrotum and hold me in. Some will look like a woman while some will be just smooth skin. Some require glue, some require shaving, some require permanent hair removal. Some are already on the market, some are in a research and testing phase. Some have a numbing agent that doesn’t allow erection at all while others seem to encourage arousal but are so tight they wouldn’t allow me to get hard, just aroused. One can be put on at home but requires the most maintenance. The rest have to have their first fitting and application done here, and one even must be removed here as it won’t come off at home at all.

When we all sit down again, Dr. Lockwood tells Stephen that he’s gone over the finer details and that I’m ready to make my decision. I look between the two doctors and feel nervous as I can’t ask Stephen for advice without letting Dr. Lockwood know that I do NOT want to become a woman.

Thankfully, Stephen seems to notice my rising panic. Smiling, he reaches across and takes my hands just as Dr. Lockwood did earlier. “Paris, I apologize that I wasn’t here to guide you through all these selections, but Dr. Lockwood is very good at describing the differences between these devices. To be honest, as I’m sure you’ve assumed, only one requires my attention as a surgeon and even that is only upon removal. I didn’t get to read all of Dr. Martin’s notes so I’m not up to speed on what the two of you have discussed and are looking for, so why don’t you tell me with what you’ve heard from Dr. Lockwood what sounds best to you. Just let me know the features that you want.”

I let out a long sigh of relief and relax back into my seat, grinning. “That sounds good Steph… er… Dr. Gold. Well, I don’t like the idea of constant, like, maintenance. That sounds like a pain. I don’t use big purses, so I’d like to have one that doesn’t need that extra glue and glue remover stuff to be carried all the time. Being able to just use the bathroom whenever would be like super nice. The whole surgical removal thing is a big no, I’m not looking for that long term of a trial. And that’s exactly what I’d like… a trial. Ya know? Something I can use and see if I like. Not a long-term commitment.

Dr. Lockwood speaks up first, grinning ear to ear, “You see, your initial desire was right all along. Option B it is. I’ll set up one of the techs to attend to this as soon as you and Dr. Gold are done. With that, I believe I have enough for my notes and can sign off on all the procedures on my end. Unless you need anything else Dr. Gold, I have another patient waiting.”

Stephen lets go of my hands, shakes the hand of Dr. Lockwood and thanks him for the consultation before escorting him out. As soon as the door is closed, Stephen drops the pretense of being calm and rushes back to the table. While rifling through my medical file he starts talking almost frantically, “I don’t know how this got so screwed up, but we have to fix this. Now. The prosthetic thing is fine since it will placate your gender therapist and fits your day-to-day needs, though I thought you’d go in a different direction…”

Stephen finds what he’s looking for and pulls out the procedure sheets for the Septoplasty, and the stack of sheets for all the feminizing operations. When he puts them in front of me, I see that my signature is on the bottom of the Septoplasty note then look back up to Stephen, unsure of why he’s so concerned. As he starts spreading the papers apart, I remember him going over all of these operations including the ones for forehead contouring, brow reduction, scalp lowering, brow and eye lid lift, nose bridge touch up, facial fat grafting, tracheal and vocal chord shaving, lip augmentation, facial sculpting, full facial and body hair removal, breast implantations, gastric lap band addition, hip lift, glute lift, waist reduction, tummy tuck, and thigh augmentations. At the bottom of the last sheet though I immediately see the problem and understand why Dr. Lockwood was so involved, so happy, and kept referring to my procedures. My signature was there. I’d signed the full feminization surgical plan, agreeing to it just like I agreed to the Septoplasty.

Stephen beats me to the punch before I can shout out my fear and frustration, “Yeah, you get it now. Again, I don’t know how it got screwed up. I didn’t tell anybody that you wanted those procedures, just that we covered them for future reference. But both Dr. Montgomery and then Dr. Lockwood got involved and have been running on the idea that you’d be our first client to get all of this done in one swoop. Dr. Montgomery has even planned an interview with a medical journal and would allow them to be in the surgical suite to witness all of it. Hell, they went so far with it that the only thing we needed was your signature and your office’s official permission for the extended time off required for recovery.”

Stephen holds his hands out as if physically holding my panic attack back, “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t have let that happen. While any of our surgeons can technically do the Septoplasty, it’s my procedure and my area of specialty. I will be there for your procedure and will never let this happen. But I don’t want it to go forward, so let’s fix this first. We can’t just throw this away as it’s now a signed legal and medical agreement, witnessed by Dr. Lockwood. But…” Stephen swiftly runs his pen through my signature and initials below it before holding the pen out for me “…if we cross your name out and both initial it, we’ll invalidate it. Go ahead and initial next to mine so everyone will know that you agree to have your signature crossed out.”

I quickly take the pen and add my initials next to Stephen’s, already feeling a little calmer. Stephen looks over the paperwork, nods, and puts it all back into my medical file. “Good. Now, I’m going to go see if I can catch Dr. Montgomery and make sure she realizes what’s going on. Dr. Lockwood will have one of our medical assistants in soon to help you with your prosthetic and then schedule your Septoplasty. They’ll have my schedule so just do it when it’s convenient for you. I think my earliest is the first week of June, but if you want the holiday weekend to get more time to heal, we can do it at the end of the month and let you have Independence Day to yourself.”

I thank Stephen for his help and even give him a hug before he steps out of the consultation room. I don’t have a lot of alone time to contemplate what it would have been like to come in expecting a sinus surgery and ending up with a completely surgically changed and feminized body as a pretty medical assistant comes in just a moment later. She sits down with me, and we schedule the surgery. Stephen is going to have his work cut out for him as initially the medical assistant wanted me to schedule at least a month of healing and recovery time. Because of all the extensive work. It takes her calling Stephen and confirming that I’m only getting the Septoplasty for her to believe that I’m not going through the full feminization procedure. She mentions that my insurance company may still call my office to get permission for recovery time off of work as the standard return to work is a couple days but to minimize swelling, the clinic highly recommends a full week.

While the medical assistant makes a good argument about scheduling it near the Independence Day holiday, just in case the office doesn’t approve the extra time off, I still schedule it for early June, hoping that I can get a week off for it AND an extended holiday time off. Anything for extra time away from the office and time away from Mal.

Once it’s all scheduled, she escorts me down to the procedure room. Knowing that this will be the first time I show off my privates to strangers while dressed up as a woman I admit to the assistant that I’m more than a little nervous. She’s very nice about it, saying that everybody at the clinic has worked with transitioning women and that there isn’t anything that they haven’t seen, but she promises she’ll relay my concern to the doctor.

After she gets me into the procedure room she tells me to get undressed, and to put a gown on. She even reminds me that I’ll need to remove my faja. Getting the faja off is a pain. Undressing all the feminine clothes already takes longer than the jeans and polo shirt I’d normally wear to a doctor’s office, but adding in removing the faja increases that time three fold. Just as I’m tying the gown in the back, there is a light knock on the door and the medical assistant comes in, accompanied by Dr. Montgomery.

Dr. Montgomery has me sit on the procedure chair as she pulls up a stool so that we can talk while the medical assistant gets things ready on the other side of the room, “Paris, I’m told that you’re a little nervous about being seen this way. It’s perfectly understandable. You’re used to being seen as a woman and don’t like this little physical reminder, let alone having us witness it and be reminded of your past. Please know that we all look at it just like that… your past. What is currently between your legs is just a small physical remnant of what was and will soon enough be completely gone with only the new you in its place. I know too that you talked with Doctors Gold and Lockwood about your procedures and had to correct some mistakes on our end. That could unnerve anybody! I can’t imagine coming in expecting one thing and then waking up afterward with something completely different done. But it’s caught, and we’ve fixed it, and it’s not going to be a problem.”

As frustrating as it is to be misunderstood… I’m not nervous because I WANT them to see me as a woman, and for the love of God stop calling my penis SMALL… I breathe out a sigh of relief as Dr. Montgomery takes my hands and gives them a squeeze of reassurance. Stephen telling me he’s going to fix this is one thing, but hearing from Dr. Montgomery that it’s fixed is so much more confidence inducing. Dr. Montgomery keeps my hands in hers as she continues, “With all that in mind, we do need you to stay still while we get this fitted. It’s a custom prosthetic and because this is listed as a vanity product your insurance company will only cover one of them. So, we must be very careful in your fitting and the cutting of it. I don’t want your nerves to jeopardize that. We normally don’t offer any kind of anesthesia for this as there isn’t any pain or physical discomfort, but I’d suggest what we call a twilight anesthesia. It’s something that will let you be relaxed and drowsy but still have the ability to breathe and respond to commands. It’s wonderful because it takes almost immediate effect and once, we stop administering it, you come out of it without any hangover effects. Just a slight fuzzy-thinking feeling for a few hours. The only drawback in this circumstance is that it stops memories from forming. That’s why it’s used often, but here you’ll remember us giving you an injection and then you’ll ‘wake up’ with no memory of what happened in between. But I think it’s the best way to make sure we have the highest chance of success. Would you like us to use twilight anesthesia for this fitting and application of your prosthetic?”

I remember having conscious sedation when they removed my wisdom teeth since they were so impacted and Dr. Montgomery is right… I didn’t have any memory of the procedure. But she’s also right in that I was entirely calm during the procedure. At least that’s what the doctor and dental hygienist told me afterward. Nodding, I accept the twilight anesthesia. A few minutes later I’m laid back in the procedure chair which turns out to be more of a gynecological chair than I ever wanted to be in, with my legs spread wide and nothing directly supporting my butt.

But once they give me that shot, everything goes dark. The next thing I remember is opening my eyes. I’m still sitting up, but I’m now sitting normally in a comfortable chair. Looking down at myself, I see that I’m fully dressed and even have my faja on.

After a few moments, the medical assistant comes in and makes sure that I’m fully awake. When she’s satisfied that the last of the anesthesia is out of my system, she calls in Dr. Montgomery who reminds me that I’ll still be a little fuzzy for the rest of the day. “You did wonderful in the procedure though. Just as Dr. Lockwood described, we removed your hair, fitted the prosthetic, and then using the surgical adhesive applied it to your skin. You shouldn’t be able to tell it’s there as its numbing agents have taken hold. The catheter is in place so just be sure to sit down to urinate. It does surround your anus, so be gentle when wiping and cleaning back there. It’s unlikely that you’ll get it separated from your skin accidentally, but we don’t’ want to tempt fate. Just clean it like you’d normally clean yourself and when the adhesive starts to sperate on its own, call us and we can re-apply it. Do you have any questions for me Paris?”

It has to be the after effects of the anesthesia that keep me from jumping up and shouting and crying and screaming. Surgical adhesive? Numbing agents? Catheter!? What the hell did I get done!?