Chapter 41 – Final consultation

When the receptionist from Sculpted Dream calls me at the office and asks if I can bump up my appointment time, I jump at the chance. Not only will I get out of work early, I’ll get to skip my session with Suzy. And with Grace traveling out to Seattle tomorrow morning on her business trip, I might have a completely relaxing weekend.

Mal was already going to call it an early day, so he wasn’t a problem when I told him of my new appointment time. Suzy, however, asked me to come over for at least a check in once I was done with the consultation. I told her I’d be there, accepting it as at least a partial victory in that we wouldn’t have to talk for an hour.

It’s only that afternoon when Mal comes out of his office with his jacket over his arm that I remember why Suzy would be so insistent on speaking today. She wants to discuss me thanking Mal.

FUCK! I Forgot To Thank Him!

Standing up I place my hand on Mal’s arm. Knowing that he’s ready to leave and won’t stay unless he needs to, I tell him that there’s something I need to talk about in private. My heart sinks when he overtly looks at his watch and sighs deeply before opening his office and walks in saying, “Fine, but make it quick Paris.”

I follow him in and close the door behind me. When I turn around, he’s already glaring impatiently at me. Any idea I had of what to thank him for so that he’d tell Suzy that I thanked him for something personal and sexual flew out of my mind with that stare. Clearing my throat, hating myself for forgetting this and having to do it on the spur of the moment, I just come out and say it before Mal cuts this off and leaves, “Umm, I’m sorry but this is a little personal and I’ve had a hard time figuring out how to say it, but I didn’t want to, um, like wait for the weekend.”

Mal’s face at least softens a bit, but he still shows his impatience by rolling his finger in a ‘get going’ motion. Clearing my throat, I put my hands together behind me and look down at Mal’s shoes as I say quietly, “Um, I wanted to thank you for, uh, like, helping me, you know, getting me to orgasm. On your desk. A few days back. I mean, it was nice. Uh, very nice. Good. I, like, liked it. A lot. Oh, and umm, it…”

I close my eyes, slowly count to five, and start over, “I wanted to thank you for attending to my sexual needs the other day. I know I complained at the time, but it felt good. Thank you. And I wanted you to know that it awakened something in me. A submissive streak that I haven’t felt before. I’m not sure if it’s real or not, if it’s just me in this position, but it too was nice, and I appreciate you doing that for me. Or, to me.”

I’d turned all my thoughts inward so much that I didn’t see or hear Mal step forward, so when he pinched my chin between his thumb and forefinger, I jump a little and gasp in surprise. As he tilts my head upward, I assume it’s so that I can look up into his eyes but as his face comes into view, I see that it’s far too close for that and that he’s…

Mal’s lips on mine send a shock down my spine more potent than the surprise of his fingers on my chin. I almost step back, but his hand catches my hip as he steps closer and presses our bodies close together.

My emotions run roughshod around me. I’m afraid of what Mal might do as the office is already closed up and we’re in privacy. I’m angry at Suzy for making me do this, and angrier at myself for screwing up my way around it. I’m also depressed that I seem to be almost cruelly playing with Mal’s emotions as he’s already admitted he’s attracted to me and will just take this to mean I’m attracted to him in return. But most frighteningly, I feel pleasure. As my lips part and Mal’s tongue slips into my mouth, as his one hand rubs up and down my back and his other hand moves to grip my upturned and unguarded throat, I can’t deny that I’m getting hard under my gaff and panties. I can’t deny that this feels good. As good, if not better, than Trixie or Grace kissing me.

When Mal finally breaks the kiss, he completely lets go of me and takes a step back. I sway a bit as it takes me a moment to regain my balance and see Mal grinning at me. “That, my dear Paris, is just reality. I’m afraid that I have commitments this evening, otherwise we might explore further, but you’re very welcome. I’ll try to make you feel special like that as often as I can.”

I don’t get a chance to even offer a retort, to remind him that he’s taking this all wrong, as Mal re-adjusts his jacket in his arms, walks past me, and gives me a good hard slap on my ass. Even with the padding of the faja, its **** is transmitted through and makes me both jump and yelp. The high pitched girly yelp in particular seems to please Mal.

I’m blushing furiously as I turn around and see Mal pause halfway in and out of the office. Looking over his shoulder at me with that wolf’s grin on full display he asks, “Is that what your therapist meant when she asked if you thanked me for something intimate?”

My blush only intensifies as I stammer, “wait, what? No, uh, wait, you talked to Suzy, er, Dr. Martin?”

Mal chuckles and rolls his eyes as if saying aloud ‘Sheesh, Women!’. “Calm down Paris, I’ll always have your back. She called yesterday and asked if you’d thanked me for something intimate. Figuring it was something important for your therapy I told her that you had. Anyway, I have to run. Have a good weekend!”

And with that, Mal walks briskly out. By the time I get my wits together and get to the door, he’s already past my view and likely at the elevator. I just close my eyes and inwardly scream as I realize I didn’t even HAVE to thank him. He’d already told Suzy that I’d done it without knowing what I was supposed to thank him for. And if I’d even thought about what HE would do, I’d have known that he’d do just that because keeping Suzy happy is in HIS interest as much as it’s in mine.

GOD DAMN IT!

And now, because I actually thanked him for the acts he did, the very things that I am NOT thankful for, he thinks I’m opening up to him, that I’m getting more attracted to him. AFTER he’s told me that he’s attracted to me. How am I going to convince him that I’m NOT attracted to him now?

After I close out the office, I gather up my things and make my way down to the Sculpted Dream office. The receptionist helps me back to one of the consultation rooms and tells me the gender therapist, Dr. Lockwood, will be right in. A few minutes later there’s a brief knock at the door before it opens and a tall good-looking man walks in. He could have walked right out of a Lifetime movie in the role of ‘Doctor’. His blond hair is full, thick, and well styled. He could be anywhere between his late twenties and early forties. His smile is wide and shows straight full white teeth. When he introduces himself and reaches to shake my hand, I see that it’s not a trick of the light, his perfectly fitted shirt and lab coat are showing off a man with a peak physique. Wide shoulders, thick chest, trim belly, large muscular arms. “Good afternoon. Miss Beaufort, right? I’m Dr. Lockwood, a psychologist specializing in gender transitions here at Sculpted Dream. It’s wonderful to meet you.”

His handshake is surprisingly gentle as it looks like he could crush my hand and not even realize he did it. Returning his smile, wondering why I’m suddenly so focused on how attractive a man is, I reply, “Yes, Paris Beaufort, but you can call me Paris. It’s good to meet you Dr. Lockwood.”

Dr. Lockwood gestures toward a chair where I take a seat as he sits down across the table from me. I see that he has my medical record laid out on the table, “So, I understand we’re going to talk about some prosthetic options. This can be a big step, and I take it as a very rational sign that you want to try this before your procedures.”

I try to keep my smile on as I work out in my head what Dr. Lockwood is saying exactly and wondering why Stephen isn’t here yet. Meanwhile, Dr. Lockwood powers forward, “So, the notes from your gender therapist, and I have to say that I really do like Dr. Martin, she’s great, anyway, she says that you were having some trouble with your gaff. Seems like it’s been working for quite a while, which is surprising as a woman like you generally moves past a gaff rather quickly, oh wait, I see here that you’re lucky in that you have a small penis, that’s wonderful, okay, so that explains it, anyway, you started having some trouble with your gaff when your lovers are intimate with you, Darnell and Mal, hmm, Dr. Martin says here that she believes you may be going from an exploratory relationship with this Mal and moving into a more romantic relationship, that’s wonderful Paris, I bet he’d love to see what you’d look like smooth down there, without your little girl trying to poke her way out, but don’t you worry your little head about it, we can do one better than just keeping you smooth under your skirt.”

I feel like I’ve been thrown in a boat and tossed down the rapids without a paddle or life jacket. Dr. Lockwood just keeps talking, bouncing from subject to subject, and each keeps surprising me more than the last. Procedure? ProcedureS? He has Suzy’s notes? I do NOT have a SMALL penis! No no no, that’s, wait, did she not write down Grace? She only wrote that Mal and Darnell are my lovers? Damn it, I know it’s not important but I’d at least like people around me to think that I like women as well as men. Now this guy is going to assume I’m just into men. Whoa whoa WHOA… Suzy thinks I’m getting romantic? With MAL!? Oh, we’re going to have to talk about that. I don’t care if this is fake, I can’t let that falsehood stand. What, what’s better than smooth?

I have to shake my head a bit to refocus on what Dr. Lockwood is talking about and seem to pick him up in some other random word salad.

“…so its your hormone levels that make me want the option B, but if you go with C, I don’t think you’d be making a mistake, it’s just a commitment and I’d rather you experience it for a time before you make that kind of commitment, after all your body is going to be going through a lot and this will only be one of the things, though that may be a good reason to go with option C as it will keep you consistent down there while you focus on all the other changes, that’s also why A isn’t recommended as its just so much more work for you and won’t have the visual impact that you’re looking for, again it passes the six foot test but not the one foot test and you already have intimate partners within that range regularly.”

Dr. Lockwood must have finally noticed my confused look as he smiles and takes both my hands in his, giving them both a friendly squeeze, “I know this is a lot to take in. I believe in giving all the information at once as I believe you’ll soak it in even if you don’t believe you will. Let’s get a first impression, move on to your procedures, and then come back to this. Without giving it more thought, which is your initial impression? Option A, Option B, or Option C?”

I try to process how to select between the options but even that little time seems to fast as Dr. Lockwood immediately presses, “No, don’t think about it Paris, just say which one initially hits your fancy. You’re not making a commitment, just choose one as a starting point.”

I nod. Knowing that it’s just a starting point, I smile like I’ve thought about it, and say “Okay, then Option B. That, at least initially, sounds like the best.”

Dr. Lockwood smiles and gives my hands another squeeze before letting go and opening up my medical file and pulling out a pile of paperwork, “Good good good, I like where your head is at Paris. Now, let’s go over your procedures. I see that Dr. Gold has gone over them, including prep, post op, healing times, medications used, and checkups, but I just want to cruise over them and get your opinion on them, oh and Dr. Gold didn’t get your signature approving the procedures so if you’ll sign right here…” Dr. Lockwood pulls out one of the sheets and I recognize it as the procedure sheet for the sinus surgery “…wait, no wrong sheet, lets see here, oh, its one of the procedures, he just wrote that one up separately, so yes, sign here and here…” Dr. Lockwood pulls out another sheet and lines it up under the first so that the signature area at the bottom of each sheet is visible, both easy to see and sign on even if I can’t see the remainder of the 2nd sheet “…now I assume you were happy with Dr. Gold, he’s such a wonderful surgeon, I swear his hands are like those of a pianists, or an angel’s, or those of an angelic pianist, yes that’s it, anyway, it’s a miracle that we’re able to retain him as he’s a real asset to our practice, oh and you met our founding partner, Dr. Mongomery, she’s fabulous, a true advocate working tirelessly to help the community both with her surgical work and her help with the local legislatures, transitioning should never be scary and we adhere to the same principals that she attempts to get passed into law, but listen to me prattle on, what did you think of Dr. Gold and Dr. Mongomery?”

Just at that moment, where I felt I was going to get pulled under by the weight of Dr. Lockwood’s constant no-sentence-structure manner of speaking, Stephen knocks and walks in, “Hey. Sorry I’m late. Paris, Dr. Lockwood, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long. I know we have to go over the procedures and there was something about a prosthetic?”

Dr. Lockwood slides a pen over to me as he turns to face Stephen, “Dr. Gold, it’s good to see you again. No worries, I’ve kept our patient entertained and we’ve covered a lot of ground. I saw that you already went over the procedures with her, and I was just getting her approval…” he turns to look at me and the papers in front of me, tapping at the signature areas “…right here dear, okay, oh Dr. Gold, yes, we did discuss the prosthetics but only a first run as I wanted you to discuss the procedure for each. We discussed the full brief with daily adhesive, the short-term prosthetic and the long-term prosthetic. Paris’ initial preference was…”

As I sign both sheets and try to focus on what Dr. Lockwood is saying, Stephen interrupts him, “Wait, yes let’s go over all the options and pros and cons. We don’t want this to be confusing for Paris.”

As Dr. Lockwood turns to smile at me, I see Stephen look over his shoulder with a far more stricken look, evidently trying to apologize for leaving me in this consultation with someone who has the entirely wrong idea of what I want or why I’m here.