Chapter 23: The Most Shameless Theory in History!

"The couch?!" The shout ricocheted off the apartment walls. "I'm naked, Izuku! I'm ten feet tall and I just lived through the most humiliating moment of my entire career! And you decide to talk to me about the furniture?!"

"It's just that everything's connected," he answered with a calm that made her want to strangle him. He crouched next to one of the couch's broken legs and turned it between his fingers. "This couch was junk, no wonder it gave out. Oak can take anything. But don't worry, I'm already figuring out how to fix the real problem."

"The real problem is the couch?"

"No," he replied, finally looking up. "The real problem is you, Yu. The couch is the least of it."

Yu had expected at least a minimum of decency from him. What she got was worse. Izuku had stood up and was looking at her without the slightest attempt to hide it.

"W-what are you staring at?" she whispered, and tried to cover herself with her hands. The gesture was so useless it almost made her laugh; her hands could only cover a tiny sliver of her chest.

"Yu," he said suddenly, with total solemnity. "Marry me."

"Huh?" Yu stared at him, understanding nothing. "What the hell are you talking about now?"

"Oh, no, sorry, that just slipped out." Izuku shook his head and blushed a little. "What I meant to say is that you've got an incredible body and, well, I threw it out there to break the ice." He scratched his head without taking his eyes off her. "Though I stand by the marriage thing, just so we're clear."

"Don't stand by anything, you pervert!"

"I mean it, Yu, I've never in my life seen anyone this…" He made a clumsy gesture with his hands, sketching curves in the air, "…this this. You're like the heroines from the posters, only naked. Oh, sorry, can you say that out loud? I never know when you can and when you can't."

For a moment, a vain and traitorous part of her swelled with pride; hearing something like that from a guy who was looking at her with bright, wide eyes made her feel amazing. The mortification crushed that little burst half a second later.

"No, you can't say it out loud! Cover your eyes, cover something!" she shouted, sinking even further against the overturned couch.

"That's impossible, boss, I need my hands for work," he said, already scanning the room for something. "Wait here, don't move. Though, well, it's not like you can go anywhere."

With a serenity that defied all logic, he turned around, walked to the hallway closet and pulled out a white sheet. He came back without taking his eyes off her for a second. He stood right in front of her, still kneeling and exposed, and with a slow motion draped the fabric over her shoulders.

The sheet felt cool against her burning skin. Yu grabbed the edges and pulled them tight to cover as much as possible.

"Thanks…" she murmured, not daring to look him in the face.

"You're welcome," he said, while inwardly kicking himself for covering her up. "Now focus, I've got an idea to fix this and I need you to listen."

She looked up. Izuku was standing in front of her with the most serious expression in the world, and that, more than anything else, made her nervous.

"Listen carefully, Yu," he began. "This isn't just any Quirk malfunction. If it had just gotten stuck and that was it, you'd have stayed at one size and nothing else would happen. The problem is that your body is still moving on the inside."

"Moving on the inside?" she repeated, lost.

"Yeah. The scare left you tense from head to toe and now you're stuck in that state. To unstick you, we need to hit you with a good feeling so strong that it wipes out the panic in one shot and resets you completely."

Yu stared at him with her mouth half open. It sounded absurd and, even so, a small and treacherous part of her brain couldn't help but follow along.

"And what exactly is supposed to fix me, according to that big brain of yours?" she asked, and a knot started forming in her stomach.

Izuku looked her in the eyes, swallowed, and with the most serious face in the universe, played his card.

"A kiss, Yu. That's the only thing I can think of that would work fast enough."

"…"

"…"

"…You're telling me a kiss is gonna get me back to my normal size?"

"Think about it, it's logical," he insisted, though the gleam in his eyes said otherwise. "A kiss is the fastest way there is to transfer a huge amount of calm all at once. It settles you down, resets you, and boom, you're back to your size. Trust me, I've got it all worked out." He paused. "Well, the important part. We'll improvise the details as we go."

"'Improvise'?" she repeated, her voice reduced to a thread.

"Just a figure of speech. It's gonna work out perfectly, you'll see."

Yu looked at him, her mind racing, searching for a crack in his ridiculous logic. A kiss! He wanted her to kiss him, right there, that very instant! The proposal was so outrageous it left her breathless. And beneath the horror, a cold current of desperation started running through her.

What other option do I have? she thought, and her chest tightened. Do I call the fire department to haul me out with a crane while I'm naked? I'd be on the front page of every newspaper by tomorrow morning and my career would be over before lunch.

She was trapped, giant and naked, in her own shredded apartment. Her only hope of getting back to normal was that strange guy looking at her like a puzzle to solve.

"You're insane," she whispered, and the words came out with no weight behind them.

"I know my plan sounds stupid, but… Yu, do you honestly have a better idea?" he asked, and for once there was no teasing in his voice. "I just wanna help you out of this."

She didn't have one. The image of a rescue team hoisting her up with pulleys froze her blood. She lowered her head, defeated, clutching the sheet against her chest while shame wrestled with need and desperation kept gaining ground over both.

"Fine," she said at last, and the word sounded like surrender. "I'll do it."

"Nice, Yu! I promise you won't regret it," he blurted, radiant, and immediately coughed to recompose his seriousness. "I mean… good. Excellent decision for the experiment."

Izuku crouched down and, with considerable effort, straightened the remains of the couch and propped them against the wall. The structure groaned in protest. It didn't come out stable, but it would have to do. He sat on the least battered edge and patted his own thighs.

"Come on, let's do this," he said, so calm he might've been inviting her to play chess. "We should do it fast, I don't know if the time you spend like this might have some negative effect on your Quirk control, so the sooner the better."

For Yu, every movement was torture. She had to get up dragging the sheet, feeling like a clumsy giantess stuffed into a dollhouse.

"Wait, wait," she said, stumbling over the broken table. "I can't… my knees are huge, they don't fit."

"Bend them a bit and sit sideways, or we're gonna end up on the floor again," he instructed, giving his leg another pat. "And as big as you are right now, I'd rather you didn't come crashing down on me."

"Are you calling me fat?!" she hissed, while the sheet slid off one shoulder.

She was too big and the fabric slipped with every movement. Her bare knees knocked against his with a dull thud, and the size difference made the whole scene even more absurd. He was a normal-sized seat and she was a giant queen, red with embarrassment, trying to sit on top.

After an eternity of clumsy adjustments, frustrated grunts from her end and exasperatingly calm instructions from his, she managed it. She ended up straddling his right thigh, half wrapped in the sheet, her huge body completely dwarfing Izuku's. Their faces were at the same height. She could feel his warmth through the denim of his pants, and her heart was pounding with a force that embarrassed her even more.

"Are you… comfortable?" he asked in a low voice, his breath brushing her lips.

"Shut up," she growled, feeling the flush climb up her neck. "Just… let's get this over with."

"Okay. Relax and clear your mind," he said, in a soft, drowsy voice. "Let's begin."

And without another word, he tilted his head forward.

The kiss started clumsy, an inexperienced bump of lips. Yu's mind was screaming in protest, a jumble of humiliation and panic. Her body, drained by adrenaline, simply gave in; she had no strength left to resist.

Then something changed. The pressure of Izuku's lips softened, grew more confident. One of his hands, resting until then on her hip, slid up her back and tangled in her blonde hair. The kiss, which had started as a desperate experiment, deepened and stretched on much longer than either of them had expected. The wrecked apartment, the humiliation, all of it faded away, and only the contact remained, the warmth, the dizzying sensation of his lips moving against hers.

And that was exactly when he made his move.

While he kissed her and kept her head busy with the whole avalanche of sensations, Izuku slid his other hand under the sheet. She felt the cool brush of his fingers against the hot skin of her lower back, but she was too lost in the kiss to react. His hand kept going down, firm and without the slightest hesitation, until it settled on the curve of her bare backside. He grabbed it with shameless familiarity, squeezing the flesh between his fingers, staking his claim.

Let the record show this is a monumental sacrifice in the service of heroes, Izuku thought, his heart racing. If I happen to walk away with a souvenir, it's mere collateral damage.

The combination was pleasant. The long, endless kiss on her lips and the forbidden caress lower down sent a wave of heat through her whole body. Yu felt the familiar tingle of her Quirk waking up, and this time, instead of the violent yank from before, there came a soft contraction, an orderly return as she began to shrink.

She felt her arms and legs shorten, her body sliding back into its usual proportions, all while she was still in Izuku's arms and in the middle of that kiss that seemed to have no end. When she got back to her normal size, she landed softly on his lap, a normal woman sitting on a normal guy, the sheet now loose around her.

Izuku broke the kiss. He looked at her with his green eyes glinting in victory and a satisfied smile.

"Hah… hah… See?" he said, panting a little. "…It worked."

Yu stared at him, dazed, the whole world braked around her. All she knew was that the nightmare was over.

She burst out laughing. First it was a nervous laugh, then a full guffaw, a hysterical sound overflowing with relief.

"Hahahahaha, it worked!" she repeated, her voice trembling with joy. "O-oh my god, I can't believe it actually worked! Your crazy theory really worked, Izuku!"

Izuku smiled, savoring his triumph and her overflowing happiness. And taking advantage of her guard being on the floor, he leaned in and kissed her again.

This time there was no clumsiness or hesitation. It was a determined kiss. And Yu, flooded with euphoria, kissed him back on instinct. Her arms, which had been hanging loose at her sides, wrapped around his neck, and she returned the kiss with a relief that veered dangerously close to something else.

When the second kiss ended, she pulled back a little, her breathing uneven. Reality slowly settled back into her head. She looked at him with the last bits of euphoria still shining in her eyes, and a new doubt began working its way through.

"Hold on a second…" she said, frowning as logic overtook emotion. "So… what exactly does this mean? Are we gonna have to do… that… every time I need to change size? Or every time something goes wrong?"

The idea was terrifying and, for a small and traitorous part of her that refused to shut up, strangely thrilling. Was that gonna be her new trick? Therapeutic kisses with her pervy assistant every time her Quirk acted up? The very idea was so irresponsible it made her dizzy.

Izuku watched her, and his smile changed. It lost the air of scientific triumph and turned much more mischievous. He leaned back a little, savoring the moment.

"Um… honestly, my dear boss… no, none of that was probably necessary."

Yu's expression froze. The gleam of euphoria was snuffed out in a single breath and replaced with total confusion.

"W-what…? W-what did you just say?"

He leaned in a little more, his warm breath brushing her cheek, and dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

"Come on, Yu, cut me a little slack! What did you expect me to do? I mean… it's you. A super sexy heroine, huge, you're… well… like that, no clothes, sitting on my lap and willing to kiss me. My brain went on vacation! How was I supposed to react?" he explained, each word laced with a faint tone of reproach. "It was… um, a little fantasy and a once in a lifetime situation."

Yu's world, which had already flipped over twice that morning, stopped for a third time, and this time it shattered.

She was left speechless, letting the sheer scale of what she'd just heard crush her completely. Everything he'd told her, every single word, had been a lie, an elaborate deception, ridiculous to a scientific degree, staged just to fulfill a fantasy. His fantasy!

A violent flush climbed from her chest up into her hair. She'd been completely duped and, worst of all, what made her feel even more stupid, was that a part of her wasn't even angry, just floored by the monumental nerve of the whole maneuver.

The shock lasted an instant, until the outrage burst inside her with the force of a hurricane and slammed all the air back into her lungs at once.

"IZUKUUUUUUUUUUU!"

He'd already leapt to his feet; he saw her coming before she'd even finished screaming his name. Yu stood up tangled in the sheet and he shot off toward the kitchen.

"Oh, uh… ahhh, wait, Yu! I c-can explain!" he shouted, dodging the broken table and rounding the kitchen counter with Yu right on his heels.

"Explain it to the judge! You made me believe a whole load of nonsense just to put your hands on me! How did I fall for such a ridiculous trick?! Get back here, you degenerate little runt!" she roared, chasing after him while clutching the sheet in a hurry so she wouldn't trip.

I didn't know that being chased by a sexy naked girl who wants to kill me was on my list of kinks.

Yu had him cornered against the window, no way out on either side. She lunged forward with her hands open, ready to strangle him. Izuku shot her a quick glance and noticed how, with the momentum, Yu's bare breasts were bouncing up and down beneath the loose sheet.

What if I just give up? Ohhh, glorious tits, come to me.

Izuku closed his eyes, spreading his arms wide open, welcoming the totality of a pair of breasts crashing into his face.

Yu, who hadn't anticipated the cowardly Midoriya technique, slammed both breasts into Izuku's face as they crashed to the floor.

Haaaa… this is how a real man is supposed to die, Izuku thought as he fell, feeling Fifi wake up in his pants at the same time.

"Stop smiling with your face smushed, this isn't funny!" Yu braced herself on the floor to get up, her face flushed.

She pushed herself up halfway, still straddling him, and then she felt it. A firm bulge pressing against her thigh from below, impossible to mistake for anything else. She looked down very slowly, dread crawling back into her body, and saw it. Right there, in Izuku's pants, was a tent pitched in all its glory.

"You… you have…" she started, and her voice trailed off. "Is that… what I think it is?"

"Ah, yeah, that… uh… sorry, it's just that you were on top of me and, well… my body made its own decisions."

Yu's face burned even hotter. She jumped back and ended up sitting on the floor, hugging the sheet like a shield.

What the hell…?

She looked away for a second, only to glance back down by reflex.

…It's hard.

I-is it because of me…? Wait, no. Don't jump to weird conclusions, Yu. He's a guy his age. This kind of stuff… happens. Right? Yeah, sure. It's gotta be that.

…

Although…

Her eyes drifted back to Izuku.

Does he really like me that much?

She shook her head hard.

No, no, no! Stop making stuff up! Not everything revolves around you… although… well… it wouldn't be that weird either…

"Don't go getting any weird ideas, this… this is normal," she blurted, hiding the mess in her head behind the first wall she could find. "It'd happen to any guy, it's not like I… anyway, it's hormones and that's it, so, um, don't feel bad."

"Huh? Why would I feel bad?" he said, sitting up with the calm of the world, without the slightest concern about the matter propping up his pants. "It's the most natural thing there is. A guy sees a beautiful woman up close and the body reacts on its own, simple as that. And if the woman happens to be your boss, that's even worse."

"Excuse me?" Yu narrowed her eyes. "What does me being your boss have to do with anything?"

Izuku looked at her and answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Think about it, Yu. You're the sexy, bossy supervisor who spends all day giving me orders, and I'm the poor shy assistant she drags around from one place to another. Who doesn't fantasize about the arrogant hot boss falling head over heels for the shy kid she treated like her personal slave? It's one of the best tropes out there. It was practically written that this was gonna happen."

Yu stared at him for a long moment in absolute silence. Then she rolled her eyes with all her might.

"Alright, tell me something," she said, drawing out the words. "Where the hell did you pull that stupidity from? Because that little brain of yours didn't invent such a dumb idea all on its own."

"Oh, that. I read it in a manhwa," he answered, shrugging with total ease. "There's a really good one where the millionaire company president falls for her poor intern. I felt super identified. Swap the company for a hero agency and it's basically our story."

Yu opened her mouth, and no words in any language felt like enough to contain what she was feeling in that moment.

He'd lied to her to steal a kiss. He'd copped a feel. He'd chased her around the apartment, deliberately let her tackle him so he could faceplant into her chest, had a hard-on the size of a flagpole aimed at her without a shred of shame, and now he was telling her it was all justified because he read it in a manhwa about lovesick office workers?

The little self-control she had left crumbled to dust. She sprang to her feet, the sheet billowing behind her like a cape, and a vein throbbed in her forehead.

"IZUKUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

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