Chapter 15: This Goodbye Is Not Forever

Ava Miller is leaving. During a Bible study Nyx/Delta's name is pulled out of the hat. Later she has a talk and a revelation.

NYX

"So who are you? What do you believe? Who do you want to be?"

"I want to be me. . .but I also want to be like them. The Harrisons! The Millers! They have light in them." Tears forming in Nyx's eyes. "But my promise!"

"Destroy it! Nullify it with a new one!"

"I will. . .I WILL NOT JOIN YOU! Not yet. I WILL NOT BREAK MY WORD!"

Friday Harrison, Freya Harrison, her sister, Ava Miller, Amy Miller, two other faces she hadn't seen in a long time, her younger brother back from college, and Elias Miller who recently came back from long hours at Costco. He had been working but had recently quit Costco to spend more time with friends and family. Elias was leading the Bible study. This time outside in the back of Harrison's house. On the patio around a glass table. They all sat in white chairs. She was thinking. They still refer to me as Delta. I haven't told them I prefer Nyx Voss. They've only seen my new name on Discord. Well, not new more like a year old news.

Her friends praying. Bowing their heads. It was her turn. She didn't bow her head like the rest of them. She didn't close her eyes. It was fake to her. Not real. Prayer? Laughable. Well, not them but when others do it? It was kind of dumb she thought.

"Do you feel it?" Death asked. Her sisters stood behind her. Nyx nodded.

"The anger. The hate. Servants of the Light. Servants of God. They are ridiculous. Prayer!" Death spat on the floor. Disgusted. "They left you."

Dawn walked up to the group. "They didn't leave us. We left them. Remember that."

"I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" Nyx snapped.

Now in the prayer, it was her turn. Ava was leaving for college. Even though. . .I don't believe in prayer. . .I think I'll say something that I hope happens. "Please, let Ava not forget to pack anything important. Let her have a safe trip there and back. Let Amy get good sleep tonight. And whoever leads next let them do a good job."

After the prayer was over. Freya produced a black hat from a nearby stool. She shuffled small pieces of papers with names. And Elias reached into the hat and pulled out a name. "Delta!" She froze a bit out of shock and surprise. . .How Am I going to lead the next study? I am not even a Christian?!

Ava got up getting ready to leave. Nyx stood up going after her. Ava went back into the house stood at the front door. Freya got to her first talking. Nyx came up next. "My friend, I hope you enjoy your time there."

Ava nodded. "I'll have a lot of stories." Nyx smiled and embraced Ava in a hug. Ava unlocked the front door. Nyx followed after her. Walking with her to her car. Down the stone steps and grass to the sidewalk. They walked a little way in silence to Ava's car. Nyx stood by her as Ava turned to face her.

It was Nyx who spoke, "I'll miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too," Ava replied. With that Nyx saw that her siblings were also leaving Brayden and their younger sister. Nyx said her goodbye to Ava and followed after her siblings. They got into her car a white van. Driving home.

The next day she was on Facebook typing up a post:

Storytime/rant:

I am still part of a Bible study. My name was pulled out of the hat. My name me? After all this time. It hasn't shown up since the time I came out as a non-believer! I thought it never would come up again. . .until maybe I was a believer again. . .but that wasn't going to happen because I made a promise never to follow their God. . .

What the heck?! Is this some kind of trick?! What message could I bring?! Only a message filled with pain? Only my opinion of the church? But I want to do a message to help my friends grow their faith. Not mine. I am not looking to be saved. And I made a promise never to join back with them. What do I think of the church?

I asked! I needed your help! I BEGGED YOUR GOD TO HEAL MY GRANDFATHER! He didn't! HE LET HIM DIE! When that happened he tore out my heart and sent a message that he was a non-loving God!

I did everything for you! I went to church on Sunday! I joined your. . .now when I look at it. . .your STUPID CULT! I left online friends and sites to devote myself to Christianity's teachings and studies! I fought for my brothers and sisters in Christ during that time! There was a sister by the name Elanor who was alone and sad one day I talked with her when no one else did! I went to Mexicali on mission trips! I did everything!

Anyone who isn't a part of your Christian family is nothing to you all! NOTHING! GOD TORE MY HEART OUT AND KILLED MY GRANDFATHER! And his Christians stood by and watched!

I am going to fight for atheists and non-believers! The Christians have already admitted they're not of this world or are aliens. So this earth belongs to us non-believers! And I'll fight and stand by my fellow atheists until I am dead! I'll debate the religious! I'll laugh emoji their ridiculous posts online!

Some may say or point out how I was one of you. No. I DESPISE YOU! The moment of my Grandfather's death I became your foe. Deep down I did. Even when I joined you all for a bit we were actually still enemies.

I put my trust in your God. And he betrayed ME! The Christians need to answer for this. For leaving me and others to die and for bullying non-believers! I am going to help make them answer!

But I am still part of this Bible study. . .with Christians. Good friends. The Harrisons and the Millers. . .great people. But I left and made a promise never to return. I escaped religious indoctrination. I didn't turn into a Christian bully and now you all can watch me live my life free from rules and chains while you are chained and weighed down by them. Knowing that the only reason why I don't help free you from your religious belief is because I am showing you mercy.

I. . .I did love my time being a Christian and I did survive a few storms when they came but a big one came. A really big one. And none of you came to help me.

But it's hard sometimes to hate the person I was once and who created me. God! Theos! Once, upon a time you were my King. My Savior. My Heavenly Father.

My Grandfather is dead. Sadness and darkness is here. And sexual immoral videos! After all of that. . .So what am I to you God?

She had no more to say. She was done typing her message. Love is a weakness. Especially love related to Christianity and their God. Then she remembered the Vampire Diaries and Katherine a quote by the character. "Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love. why would we want to live?" Dang, she thought. Although the quote was kind of out of context but it did also made sense to Christianity if she or others believed it or need it to survive and live in this life.

"I regret," She talked to herself. "I regret leaving. I regret. . .I am sad. . .broken."