Chapter 100! That Means Special Q&A!

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Zewesman Branch’s 100 chapters Q&A special! I am your host-”

“Nobody cares about your name, get on with the questions!” Miho yelled at the announcer, who had a mixture of stunned, sad, and shocked all on his face.

“But, but, I was finally gonna tell everyone my name and backstory so they can finally know who I am...” said the announcer in a very sad voice.

“You heard the girl, nobody cares, move on,” John more commanded than suggested. Defeated, inter-dimensional guy just sighed and relegated himself to just asking the questions, sadness clear in his voice. Tears started to form in his eyes as he knew nobody would ever care about him when suddenly he felt a soft pressure on his head. He turned his head to the side to see an adorable little Gorgon girl patting his head.

“Pats make everything better Mr. Diserspear man!” Mimi said jubilantly. A smile formed on the man’s head as he gave the small derp a big hug. “Yaaaaaaaaay! Hugs!” evoked Mimi, just as happy as inter-dimensional man.

“I want a hug tooooooooooooooooooooooo!” whined Yatina as she flew over to the two. Inter-dimensional man opened his arms and caught Yatina midair to have her join the hug as well. The two girls nuzzled the man’s chest, happy to get the hug. He released the girls after a few moments and ushered them back to their seats.

“Ok, let’s try this again,” he said as he regained his composure. “Welcome to this 100 chapters Q&A! Readers have sent their questions to our mighty Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Zewesman to have you all answer them! So let’s welcome all our stars of the story!” bellowed the announcer to a round of applause from the audience. The stars of the branch all wave at their adoring fans. “Ok, ok, let’s settle down now! Onto the first question!” said the man as he shuffled through his cards to the first question. He holds the card up in front of his face as he reads it out loud for the group. “So the first question goes to our resident High Priestess of Sex, Gali!” he said to a round of applause and whistles. “So, our reader Lance would like to know...what is love?” he asked.

“Baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me no more!” sang Gali, while Miho and John let out a chuckle. “Ah, sorry. Miho and John thought it’d be a good idea to study human culture and one of the things I found fascinating are the love songs. They are somehow similar yet so different from our own elven love songs. But back to the question. I believe that love is a sacred **** that connects people who truly care for each other, body, mind, and soul,” answered Gali, a soft smile on her face.

“Ah. That is a very sweet answer befitting someone of your immense love, Gali,” said the announcer. “Let us move on to a question from Omni for John,” he said as he turned to face John, whose face clearly showed he was ready for his question. “John, what ten class modules would you most want to add to your collection right now?”

“Funnily enough, I’ve been thinking about that lately. I have my warrior, paladin, and shaman modules. So I have a pure melee, and two magic and melee mixed ones. So I think perhaps a mage module would come in handy. That or an archer module. You can never go wrong with some ranged attacks. So that’s two right there. Hmm. Maybe a rogue or ninja module for some stealth action? Sneak up behind enemies and back stab them. That’d be great for missions that require subterfuge.”
“Or for you to sneak into the girl’s locker room or bathroom at school!” shouted Miho, which caused a laugh from everyone present, except for Mimi and Yatina, who just looked confused.

“Why would he do that big sis Miho?” asked Mimi as Yatina looked on, also curious.

“Ah...well...you see...ha..ha...” Miho struggled to explain to the two girls what she meant as her hand rubbed the back of her head.

“Ahem So, where was I? At module 5, right? So let’s see...maybe a **** knight? I always enjoyed those guys in WoW. Making an army of undead minions to take out my enemies would be fun in my opinion. Let’s see...what else?” John said as his mind churned to think of what other modules he would like to have. “OH! Jedi! Yeah! That’d be fun to have! And a lightsaber to go with it? That’d be fucking awesome!” he declared. “Oh and if we are really getting out there, maybe some animeqsue ones would be fun, like DBZ. Going super saiyan would be so fun. Let’s see three more. Maybe a soul reaper from Bleach? That’d be another fun anime one. Or something like digimon or pokemon where I get a pet monster to battle with? Yeah. Those 11 I guess would be ones I’d like to have,” finished John.

“You’d end up chopping off an arm or leg if you ever get a lightsaber,” remarked Mikuru.

“I don’t deny that,” was all John could respond with.

“Ok, next question comes from Izix, the master huntsman! He wants to know to anyone that would answer: if you could choose, leopard or pangolin?”

“WE WANT THE BIG KITTY!” yelled the two derps as they jumped up and down on their seats, apparently very excited at the thought.

“Girls! What did we talk about earlier?!” came a stern voiced Gali. The two girls immediately stopped what they were doing and sat down, staring at the floor as their feet swung from the chairs. While this was happening the twins were whispering to themselves before finally answering.

“Miho and I would want the pangolin. They are super cute,” Mikuru said, her cheeks slightly blushing from admitting that.

“I would have to agree with the two young girls, a leopard would be must exhilarating to have,” Gali told the group.

“Plus a leopard would make a far more suitable war-animal than a pangolin,” Kornac chimed in.

“Is that all you think about, Koranc?” asked Aliressa.

“Although I do think Gali is onto something with the cuddly kitty,” Sylva pointed out while Aliressa nodded in agreement.

“I’m good with neither,” said John.

“Me too,” replied Moira.

“Me three,” agreed Fran.

“Are they undead by chance?” asked the professor.

“Professor! Why does everything have to be dead?! And are both an option?” asked Sasha as she pushed her index fingers together in front of her face.

“I...I would like the leopard please?” asked Yuria who was chained by the neck to John’s chair on the left side.

“Hah! Like I’d waste my time with some filthy animals!” remarked Vanessa, who attempted to remain defiant even if she was also chained by the neck to the right side of John’s chair.

“I am one with the **** and the **** is with me,” was all that Sarah would say as it appeared that she was meditating in her chair.

“Well, that got a little more heated than I thought it would. So let’s move on to the next question that is from… Mimi?” said the confused emcee.

“Mimi, did you put a question into the Q&A?” asked Gali in a gentle but firm way.

“Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. For da other one! For Isis!” Mimi said proudly. Everyone immediately gave Mimi a very worried look until it clicked for the dimensional traveler. “Oooooooooooh. He means Izix who recently had a Q&A as well. So yeah, this question makes sense if I read the rest of it,” he said as he read the question. “So, Mimi, Mimi wants to know if she and I assume Yatina can stop by soon to visit the castle and build a pillow fort?”

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!” was all anyone could here for a full minute as Mimi and Yatina yelled their joy at Mimi and Yatina from Izix’s universe wanting to visit them.

“If this happens,” John said, breaking up the squeals of joy from the two derps, “there will be some ground rules, such as NO DESTROYING THE CASTLE WITH DERP TIME!” roared John, which caused the two girls to huddle down, afraid. Gali shot John a **** stare as she got up and walked over to the two young girls.

“If the two come over, I’ll supervise all four of them to make sure they have fun that is safe for everyone, right girls?” Gali said, a giant smile on her face. The two girls bounced right back to their jolly selves at the news that Gali said it was ok.

“I’m ok with that,” decided John.

“Well, that got a bit intense. So let’s move on! This one is from Tzuf, who wants to know what sort of games do you all play?”

“DERP THE SNEK!” was the first, and loudest answer that came from Mimi and Yatina as the two started playing with Mimi’s sneks.

“Sadly, we elves have been at war for so long that I haven’t gotten to play any games in a while,” Gali told the crowd, a sadness in her voice. The other elves nodded in agreement with her.

“Well, sometimes, Mikuru and I would play ‘Who can kill the most targets?’ does that count?” she asked only to receive many worried looks from the rest of the cast.

“I was never one for games, but I did like an occasional game of risk,” Moira informed the crowd.
“My favorite game with ‘How can I embarrass Moira.’ I’m undefeated,” a smiling Fran told the group.

“You’re such a bitch!” growled Moira as she glared at Fran, who just laughed in her face.

“I’ll give you three guesses of what games I like to play,” said Sasha as she shuffled a card between her fingers.

“Oh, games aren’t my sort of thing,” professor Reynash admitted.

“I used to play games with my brother’s pups, until they were murdered,” told Yuria as she glared at John, who just smiled back.

“Well, if that’s the case, I’m sure we can give you some new pups to play with,” John said as he petted Yuria’s head, much to her discomfort and anger.

“Hah. The only games I play with are other people’s lives, right Newman?” Vanessa attempted to get one last jab in on John, just to remind him of all those years where she tortured him. John, however, was unphased by her bait. Instead he just grabbed her face and brought her face close to his.

“Just wait, Vanessa. I will break you. By the end of it, you’ll be constantly begging me to fuck your every hole,” he whispered to her before he toss her to the ground. Vanessa moved as far away from John as the chain would allow while mumbling something about ****.

“Well, that was, uh, something. I think it’s best if we just move on...” said John’s mysterious professor as he attempted to recover from the master-**** scene that just played out.

“So, this question is directed at Moira from one RJ, the Wolf. He wants to know how it feels to be the most hated character across the gamer... he says universe but it should be multiverse. But I’ll let it slide. So, how does it feel?”

“I believe that I have been horribly mischaracterized. All I’m trying to do is keep the world safe from the Abyssal monsters that would see our civilization burn under their war machines! Or to make sure the weak and underpowered Abyssal humans aren’t captured and used by some of the more nefarious groups out there! Yet people try to paint us as some sort of zealots who want everyone to bow to our ideals or die!” Moira said with a burning passion that made it clear she truly wanted to help people more than she wanted to rule people. Fran just snickered at Moira’s speech.

“Well, that was quite heartfelt and passionate. It was truly moving. Perhaps some people will look at you in a new light, Moira. But let’s move on to the next question: Dargon would like to know if anyone likes pats?”

“Dardar?! Dardar is here?! DAAAAAAAAAARDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!” yelled Mimi as she got up and started running around in an attempt to find her adoptive father. Yatina, wanting to help her best friend, attempted the search from the air as she flew around the studio.

“Girls! Girls! Calm down, Dargon isn’t actually here! He just sent a message,” the emcee told the two, which lead to Mimi dropping to the floor and crying.

“Mimi! Go back and sit next to Gali. Once I have some free time, I promise we’ll go look for Dargon, ok?” John told the young gorgon. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked over to John.

“R-really?!” she asked, a tinge of hope in her voice.

“Really. Now go back to Gali,” he told her, who happily got up and skipped over to her chair next to Gali as Yatina flew back to her chair.

“We like pats!” Mimi and Yatina said at the same time after they gave each other a look.

“I too am a fan of pats...” Yuria said in a hushed tone only to be rewarded with a few pats by John.

“I am a Brighton, not a dog!” Moira barked at the group, quite clear that she found the question slightly insulting.

“I’m with my step-sister on this one,” Fran mentioned. The rest were more noncommittal about whether they liked pats or not.

“Ok, let’s move onto the second question from Dargon. This question goes to… Dargon?” he lets out a sigh. “Another one of these cross-dimensional questions. He wants to know what Dargon’s plans for Mimi and John are?” It was at this point a spherical ball zoomed into the studio and stopped in front of all the guests. After a few moments, a holographic Dargon appeared.

“Hiiiiiiii everybody! I’m the Dargon Virtual Interface!” the faux Dargon tells the group as he turns to face Mimi. “Hi, Mimi, how are you?” asked the virtual interface. As soon as he had appeared, Mimi’s eyes had widened far more than anyone had thought possible.

“DAAAAAAAAAARDAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!” she yelled as she rushed to hug the VI only to find out that she couldn’t hug him as she ran right through him.

“Wha?” she started, a clearly confused look on her face. “Why can’t I hug Dardar?!” she asked as the tears started to form. Gali quickly made her way over to Mimi and gave her a big hug as Gali picked up the young girl and carried her back to her seat.

“That’s not the real Dargon, Mimi. That’s just a picture of Dargon here to answer a few questions. But I’m sure you can leave a message with it for the real Dargon after the Q&A is over, ok?” she told Mimi, who slowly nodded in understanding.

“The lust elf is correct, Mimi. I can send a message to Dargon that won’t be erased when this Q&A is over like normal procedures dictate,” the VI informed the derp, which elicited a smile from her. “But back to the question at hand. This universe’s Dargon has no real plans for John and Mimi at the moment. While his plan was originally to leave Mimi under the protection of Miranda and the hunters, he has determined that John and Gali seem to be a good replacement for Miranda and Arnold. Once Dargon’s experiments are over and it is once again safe for Mimi, Dargon will eventually come and retrieve her. Unless, of course, you do something so abhorrent to her that Dargon has to go full bamboozle, but that’ll never happen, right?” the VI said with a smile on its face yet somehow oozed a powerful feeling that everyone had to acknowledge. “Now I bid you all farewell!” The VI disappeared as the orb flew offstage, presumably to wait for Mimi.

“Well, that was certainly interesting. I was not expecting it to end that intensely,” admitted the host of the Q&A. “So, let’s try to move on to a hopefully less intense question. “This one is from Dawodd and he wants to ask Moira how she feels about the existence of Jedi and Sith?”

“Ah yes, one of the first magic users. I was taught about them in Order history. The two would constantly war with each other and do devastating damage to the European countryside. Eventually the young Order got tired of it and waged a war against them both. And by the power of the Lady, we were able to stomp out those heathens. There are rumors that they still exist but that’s just propaganda from our enemies. The Order thoroughly wiped them all out!” Moira said proudly. Unbeknownst to her, Sarah was glaring daggers at Moira as she recited her Jedi chant to stop herself from beheading Moira right there.

“Now now, Sarah, calm down. I’m sure you’ll get your **** in the story,” started the host before he was interrupted.

“**** is the way of the dark side. I am a Jedi!” retorted Sarah.

“Ah yes, my apologies. Let’s move on to the next question. Dawodd would like to know what is more powerful: the **** or the Derp ****?”

“DERP ****! DERP ****! DERP ****!” yelled Mimi and Yatina over anyone else who attempted to answer.

“Ok girls, settle down. Clearly the Derp **** is the winner,” he said, as every agreed to just move on and let those two have them. “Soooooo moving on, we have a question here from Shikaku to the twins, and he wants to know which spell is your favorite to use in a sexual way?”

“We’re not John,” said Mikuru as Miho nodded in agreement.

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!” asked John, slightly offended.

You’re a pervert, that’s what!

“And there you have it, straight from Gaia’s pop-up!” said the announcer as a billboard with Gaia’s words appear before everyone. “So let’s go right into Shikaku’s next question for John: If you were given the chance to replace the stick up Moira’s ass with another piece of wood, would you?”

“Oh I totally wo...wait a minute. No, I wouldn’t!” John said proudly.

“Liar,” everyone said in unison.

“I hate you all,” was John’s reply.

“You can’t deny your patron god, John,” said the dimensional host to a round of applause. “Ok, let’s move on to Gabranth the flying space whale’s two questions! First up, he wants to know what are ya’lls favorite snacks? This question goes to Mimi and Yat-”

“S’MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!” they yelled proudly.

“Sweet and simple, I like it. Next one is open to anyo...nope. Not gonna ask this question. This is a stupid meme and you should feel ashamed gab,” he said in a stern voice. “Let’s go to this far superior question from Panda to Fran. That question is how good does it feel to kick bitchface brightons teeth in?”

“Oooooh you have no idea. It feels sooooo good. Like as good as when I get a good fuck and just have the biggest orgasm ever. So yeah, it’s like an orgasm everytime I beat Moira in a fight,” Fran explained with a wicked grin on her face.

“You’re still a bitch,” Moira spat at her step-sister.

“And you’re still second best,” countered Fran. Moira got up from her seat only to suddenly teleport back into her seat.

“Ah yeah, Gaia won’t allow anyone to fight here. So it’s best to just stay in your seat. But let’s continue on to the next question, shall we? This is to Vanessa from Mythen and he wants to know how does it feel to be hated more than Moira, be less popular than Jane “Rave” Hollmey, and less useful than John Newman?”

“Hahahahahaha! You think I care about any of them?! I’m the richest, most powerful person in Ashcroft Academy and will take over my parents businesses when I graduate! I could care less about those trash and the trash that asked this stupid question!” remarked Vanessa, a twisted grin on her face that was quickly removed when John grabbed her face again.

“You are being very naughty, Vanessa. You are definitely gonna get punished soon. And I”m gonna make sure to enjoy every second that I destroy your asshole!” John told her before he released her and saw her crawl as far away from him as she could.

“You truly are the number one bitch in this story, so kudos to you, Vanessa. These last two questions come from the best husbando, Darth Valkeargo!” A round of applause broke up the emcees speaking. “Ok, question number one goes to Fran. Valk asks that if you accept that Lord John’s powers are gifted to him by The Goddess, and that the Divine passage of the Rose to Moira is flawed and grotesque, have you considered giving into the awesome power of hate for the Rose and siding with the truly blessed?”

“Oh, wow, that’s quite the question. But now that you bring it up, I have been thinking about it and I would like to say that..” as Fran went on the camera shifts away from Fran and instead focuses on Mimi and Yatina as the two have wondered from their chairs and instead have found a chest backstage. The two keep poking the chest until it suddenly comes alive and reveals that its actually a mimic. The two giggle in surprise and jump inside of it, with Mimi’s sneks and Yatina’s tail hanging out of its mouth. The camera quickly shifts back to Fran who had just finished her little speech.

“Wow! That is fascinating and I can’t wait to see that play out in the story! What about the rest of you?” he asks the crowd, who roars in agreement. “Well that should happen in a few chapters, so the wait won’t be long! So, until then, we have one more question. The final question goes to John. John, Valk wants to know if you have a plan to get June and your mother out of the crossfire of this war you’re in?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah...I totally do!” John said clearly hesitant.

“No, he doesn’t,” replied Miho, Mikuru, Idena, and Gali all at once.

“Once again, hate you all,” John said as he sighed in defeat.

“Well my dear readers, that wraps up this Q&A! I hope you enjoyed these questions and answers, and have a new and more detailed understanding of all our characters so far! Sadly, none of them will remember any of it, which is a shame. Well...those two might...” he says as he stares at Mimi and Yatina as the two attempt to lick their own eyes. “Or not. I dunno, Derp **** is strange guys. Like really strange,” said the leader of this little session as the screen fades to black.