Changing My Story

But no! You thought I would just give up that easily, didn't you? Yea, there’s only a couple months left of school so why even try to change things. Well, you are wrong if you think that way. I’ve learned in these past years that you should never give up, even though I technically did try to a couple years ago. But I didn’t, and I certainly won’t now. Sure, I don’t have much time to literally change everything about my life to enjoy my last months of high school, but I’m still planning to do it.

I recently turned 18, so after all I’ve been through, I think it’s time for me to achieve all of those things I’ve always wanted. I know it will be a very drastic change, but let me explain why I’m doing this. I know I’m pathetic, miserable, and probably not special, but I think I know a way to become a better person, a more interesting, and even attractive person. It sounds ridiculous, but I learned it from some tutorials on the internet. There are actually people who help with this sort of stuff, so I got in contact with an expert who taught me everything I need to know, he was sort of a coach. It took me a lot of time to memorize everything, but I’m very close to mastering it.

So first, every change comes with a different mindset. That’s exactly what he told me, and I think he is completely right. I need to drop this mentality, where I’m just always depressed for not having everything that everyone else has. Instead of complaining and crying about it in my head, I should just try to take those things for myself. But of course, I’ve seen what happens when I try to get something I want, I usually get humiliated or beaten up. However, confidence is everything, and actually, confidence comes directly from the mind.

I’m not confident, but that’s because I thought I wasn’t confident. Wait, no, that’s not it. My confidence comes from my mind, so I just have to think that I have everything going for me to be confident. I don’t want to turn into a narcissist, so I only have to focus on all of my strengths and skills to build confidence. I might not be the most handsome or strongest guy, but I can pretend I am. You know how it works, you have to fake it until you make it. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to pretend to be a completely different person until I am. Hopefully, it actually works, and if it does, I believe I will eventually start to think I’m that person as well.

But most importantly, I need everyone else to think I’m that person. I don’t think I can make them forget that I'm a creep, but I can show them I’m not, that I’m actually a very charismatic guy. 90 percent of the school doesn’t even know I exist anyway, so if they are not aware of a person, they won’t know if they are actually who they seem to be. I can trick everyone into thinking I'm the smartest, most attractive, and even most popular guy in school. But that would be unrealistic because I can’t convince everyone to believe that straight away.

So to make everyone believe that, I have to start with the very basics. I first need to make some friends, build back my reputation and get my grades up. I better focus on that last part, because I’m actually going to fail this year if I don’t do that, which is partly why I’m doing this whole thing. But once I become a normal student again, I can start with my secret plan, which I’m going to keep secret because I actually don’t know what I’m going to do after that.

I mean, it’s going to be difficult to get those basic things done, it will probably take me a full month to do that. So if it takes me that long to get my life straight again, I don’t think I will achieve much, let alone become the most popular guy in school. But again, confidence is key. I can’t be thinking that, I just have to believe that everything will work out and I will achieve anything I want. You know, I’ve always thought of myself as someone special, even though I’ve been the most unappealing person for my entire life. Damn, I better stop making all of these self aware jokes or it’s going to ruin my plan.

But it will be simple, I think. I just have to set my priorities, probably make a list for everything I need to do and accomplish, and most importantly, never stop believing in myself. As soon as I hesitate, everything will be ruined, I know it. That’s why I won’t even think about the possibility of failure. Sure, this might not work and could lead to being humiliated even further, or even wanting to kill myself for the seventh time, but who cares. I’m giving it my all, and it will work, because that’s what happens when people try to better themselves, right?

Yes, of course, it’s going to succeed, I’m going to succeed. I will overcome my fears, face my bullies, improve my grades, meet a bunch of people and befriend them, talk to all of the girls, maybe make one of them my girlfriend, or better yet, fuck them all. Alright, maybe I’m going too far. But remember, anything I want, I will achieve, only if I set my mind and all of that stuff. I don’t know why I’m being so inspiring, I should just go to sleep. I haven’t even prepared my backpack for tomorrow, fuck. We are up to a bad start.