Captain Rhodes and Miss Villiers - Agents of the Crown

"Doctor! Doctor! He's awake!"

The first thing that John saw upon opening his eyes was a nurse, dressed in an all-white outfit consisting of stockings, a long-sleeved, buttoned dress, a nurse's cap on her head and a mask to protect her nose and mouth.

Feeling tired and disoriented, John had just managed to raise the covers under which he was placed when the darkness began to descend over him again, with the last things registering in his mind before he slipped back into unconsciousness being those of a peculiar sense of elation washing over him as he heard the nurse let out a scream that was cut short by a loud "SPLAT!".

When he next came to, it was to find himself in the same room as the sunlight flooded in through the windows even though the drapes were pulled about halfway down, with the covers wrapped snugly over him and a nurse on her hands and knees at the far end of the room, sitting on the floor with a bucket next to her as she used a washcloth - no, it was more like a wet towel - to clean the wall.

Sitting with his legs crossed on a simple wooden chair next to John's bed was a rather thin man dressed in an immaculately pressed Royal Army uniform with shoulder boards announcing his rank of colonel, his forage cap tucked in between his left arm and his chest, and his right hand wrapped around a short, thin staff.

Being middle-aged, the officer in front of John had had his hair turn grey as his hairline travelled upwards, thereby further exposing his impressive forehead that matched his nose and chin, with his lips turned into a thin, patient smile that appeared underneath a thick but neatly trimmed moustache.

"Ah, Captain," the colonel greeted John, "awake at last."

"Colonel Smithers-Jones, sir," John replied, recognizing the colonel and feeling unsure of whether or not he ought to salute a superior officer whilst bedridden.

"Nurse," Smithers-Jones looked over at the nurse, "would you please leave us?"

Nodding, the nurse got up on her feet and, while sending John a warm smile that left him feeling somewhat confused but very appreciated, exited the room.

"You gave us all quite a scare, don't you know," the colonel shared with John, "we would have felt quite silly loosing a war-hero to a vaccine, of all things."

"I still consider it as nothing more than my duty, sir," John announced as he moved his hips and felt rather odd, as though a considerable weight had been placed at the base of his abdomen, "for the sake of Her Majesty."

"God save the Queen, captain." The colonel's smile vanished and was replaced by a look of sadness, "I still say that she would be with us to this day if it hadn't been for those bloody Dutch and their infernal contraptions."

"Quite so, sir." John had always agreed with the assessment that said that Queen Victoria had never been able to recover from the annexation of Belgium and the execution of her cousin, King Leopold II. Of course, there were all sorts of nasty rumours going around that the changing mores in general and that state visit from the Crown Princess of one of those Martian city-states who had brought along her consort, thereby shattering once and for all Victoria's firmly held beliefs that there was no such thing as lesbianism, had contributed to her untimely , but they were hardly something that an officer and a gentleman would take any stock in whatsoever.

"Anyway, you'll be glad to hear that the vaccine seems to have worked," the colonel appeared pleased to turn his attention towards the business at hand, "so we should be able to have you on your way to Venus in no time."

"I'm glad to hear it, sir." Having remained earthbound all his life, John was quite looking forwards to the thought of leading a mission to Venus, one which would hopefully be the one that would allow mankind, particularly the British Empire, to finally overcome the diseases that plagued the planet's jungles. That was what the vaccine that he'd volunteered to test had been aimed at allowing.

"Yes," the colonel nodded, suddenly looking as embarrassed as was possible for a proper British officer, "there is one more thing though?"

"Oh, and what's that, sir?"

"You see, I've had a chat with the doctors overseeing your developments, and apparently there's been a rather conspicuous side-effect of the vaccine?" Stopping again, the colonel cleared his throat and looked like he'd prefer leading another cavalry charge over continuing their conversation.

"Really, sir?" John asked, "I feel perfectly fine, a bit sluggish, perhaps?"

"Yes, well, you see... There's been an unforeseen development, really something that was completely out of our control," the colonel sighed and then continued on, "in the trouser department."

"The what, sir?"

"Apparently, you're now..." the colonel paused, "well, take a look for yourself."

While the colonel looked away, John grabbed hold of the covers and lifted them up to glance down between his legs.

"Gosh." John said, lowering the covers again.

"Yes, quite," the colonel nodded.

"But what of Miss Villiers, sir?" John asked, suddenly remembering the female volunteer that had also tried out the vaccine, and which he'd briefly met. They'd gotten along perfectly, particularly as John had no problems with a woman being a scientist, and she'd seemed to be really rather pleasant. It didn't hurt that she had the face of a timeless beauty, though it was a pity that she had the body of a twelve-year old boy to go along with it.

"Ah," the colonel frowned, "it's actually quite tragic."

"She's not...?"

"Oh no, she regained consciousness not more than a few hours ago," the colonel cheerfully announced, "however, she's undergone some rather drastic changes."

"Changes, sir?"

"Yes, changes." Nodding, the colonel looked very concerned, as well as embarrassed again, "I'm afraid that she's now looking really rather vulgar."